To despise picky eaters?

[Brownoliveskincurlyblackhair]

If you have an allergy or religious reasons not to eat something, fine obviously but grown adults who 'don't eat' something absolutely irk me beyond words. My MIL looked horrified earlier when I said I was making chicken as a part of a weekend spread because SIL 'doesn't eat it'. I have accommodated for SIL but honestly, I was bought up that you get what you're given and eat what's infront of you. It's terrible manners is it not?

Yabu - hosts should cater for preferences
Yanbu - it's rude

“What if they didn't know and presented you with something they'd spent time and money preparing for you?” Do you not ask if people have preferences/likes/dislikes when you invite people over?

Because forcing yourself to eat something you strongly dislike will make you gag. I know-I’ve done it.

I’m with you op. With some family, we can only go to certain restaurants or pubs when going out for meals as they won’t eat anything “too fancy”. When we get takeaways such as Chinese or Indian we have to order specific things like chips as they won’t eat much else. When doing a nice roast I have to cook things like plain sausage and chips for them. I gave up recently and just did a big beige buffet thinking I’ve nailed it, there must be something for everyone here. One decided they would only eat chicken nuggets, so took nearly all, then after mushing them all up to check what meat contents they had, decided they wouldn’t eat them and instead didn’t eat anything and sulked. Im
always happy to cater for allergies, or if there was a medical or dietary reason, but there is a point where you think if you’re going to be so difficult for no clear reason then why come at all!

Well surely everyone knows that a good host always asks guests if they have any preferences, just basic common sense isn’t it. Rude of the host not to bother telling the guest what they are planning on making, they could be allergic to it for example. It’s simple etiquette to inform guests what they will be eating.

When I was younger I was very fussy and had a lot of anxiety around it. I'd either not have eaten or tried very hard and barfed. It became easier to say I couldn't eat things than barf on people.

On the fence really - I sympathise with people who have ARFID or other eating disorders. But I don’t think this is the same as fussiness - some people refuse to expand their pallet and it is frustrating when you have made a big effort to host.

What irks me more is when someone is, for example, a vegan, you have gone to the effort of making a vegan option and then they say “oh I don’t like spicy food” or “I’m not keen on tofu”. You can’t have requirements and be fussy imo.

I eat basically everything though and come from a very food centric family

How is it obvious? We don’t know you! If people haven’t understood it’s your fault for being overly dramatic. Why is it entitled to not like chicken??

It's not rude to say, "oh this looks great! pork doesn't agree with me so none for me thanks. But I will have some of those potatoes." Or if it's on the plate, you just leave it. I was brought to think it's pretty rude to comment on other people's eating.

If someone's bought something really expensive they wouldn't otherwise cook - lobster, prime beef rib - without checking everyone likes it, that's a risky strategy imo.

You’d hate me then. I have a real problem with some food textures and don’t like certain foods on my plate touching. Add post menopausal random food allergies into the mix, I’m an utter nightmare to cater for.

My husband still laughs at a certain 'spinaxh went down... Spinach immediately came back up' event from our early relationship

I don't eat at peoples houses anymore for this very reason. If I'm eating with other people we go to a restaurant where I will have checked the choices and know there are several options that won't make me gag.

Of course I would. If someone has gone to the trouble of feeding me, they know me well enough to have a good relationship which can stand me/them saying I don’t like something. I’m not criticising their cooking or their food choices. If I’m hosting it would never get that far because I’d either tell them what I was planning to cook or just ask if there’s anything I should avoid. It’s not difficult.

Op it’s Friday, it’s a beautiful summer evening. You sound in one hell of a bad mood. Pour yourself a glass of wine and go and sit in the garden.

or you’re going to spoil this weekend, for everyone

I hate it as someone who enjoys all cuisines - it’s made my relationship hard over the years as partner is extremely fussy, in part some tolerances but mostly he’s just in his own head and wasn’t brought up to try new things and his son (my SS), is the same

they love pasta, bread and rice - and chicken. Not much else and pretty blandly prepared too

What about those with sensory processing disorders or eating disorders?
I wouldn’t ever eat fish, I would actually vomit if I even tried to consume it. Why would I put myself through something that unpleasant just to appease someone’s ego?

Most people genuinely can't help it. And yes, if I'm hosting someone I like to cater to their preferences. It must be terrible to struggle with food, I don't mind making things a little easier for people who find it hard.

Yabu. What's it to you what a grown adult decides to eat or not eat? If your silly is that fussy and you aren't willing to cater to her ask her to bring something she will like but ultimately I think a host should ask what people like

There’s a big difference between people who constantly go on and on about the foods they “can’t” eat and those who have genuine issues with food. DD has a food phobia and she’s very embarrassed about it and will try to cover it up whenever she can. If she could live without it, she absolutely would.

You sound like you eat a lot of wet lettuce to be fair.

Then you obviously don’t actually dislike it! If I tried to eat some of the foods I don’t eat (eg: eggs, most cheeses) I would likely be physically sick. The taste, smell and texture are completely off putting to me, sometimes even just the sight or smell can make me gag. It wouldn’t be polite at all for me to try and eat it because there’s no way I could do so without it being very clear I was forcing it down, that’s if I managed to eat it without throwing it back up at all.

Why would you prepare some thing for a guest when they don’t like it.

I despise people who think they are superior to others🤷‍♀️

I think there’s a bit of a difference between disliking certain foods, and “going to someone’s house and expecting my absolute favourites of everything.”
Did your SIL at any point lay out her expectations? It sounds like she is pretty innocent in this and it’s your MIL who made the fuss.

I generally like most food but one thing I can’t, and have never been able to, stand is fish. Of any kind. I don’t know what it is about it but I just don’t want it. I would struggle so much to eat it if someone served it me. I’d probably just eat all my potatoes and veg and rave about how delicious they are. But in my 36 years alive this has never been an issue because anyone who I am close enough to go to their house for dinner, they know this about me.

I mean if you’re not cooking something I like (particularly after inviting me over) then I don’t want to be there or eat it. You’re wasting both of our time if you’re cooking something you know I won’t want to eat. People don’t like everything so it’s ok to not eat something. It doesn’t mean they are picky. Picky is something else.

i dont like any part of a chicken apart from breast. Meat off the bone isn’t nice for me and thigh/wing meat is an entirely different taste, texture and colour. I don’t think that’s unusual.

Do you get many guests?