To be fed up of fighting my hair?

[Vegwoes]

So I have very wavy hair that seems to be porous by nature and fine. I like the colour (natural) and length (bra strap) and it is in good condition.
But!
It is so so sooo much hard work.

We live in a soft/moderately soft water area, yet when we travel further north to visit family and friends my hair instantly changes almost overnight. It becomes softer, shinier and forms lovely waves. My washing methods and products do not change, so it is clearly not those causing the issue.

1 week back at home and it is like a brillo pad in texture.

We have tried a shower filter, I have tried washing with bottled water, distilled water, to recreate whatever was going on further north, but nothing works. We have an expensive air con unit, a de-humidifier, the whole bloody thing. The house is well ventilated and I can't locate any immediate stressors.

No curly or wavy 'method' makes a difference, I am l loathe to spend any more money on endless new fangled wonder products that never actually do anything. Every time I research this online people insist on you buying more products or gadgets, that you are 'doing it wrong' but I am just weary as f at this point.
I have been trying to make the best of my natural hair for many years.
I suppose I am writing this because I have realised there is a kind of subtle pressure to embrace our natural hair. You have no idea what I have spent in this quest! I am coming to the conclusion that it can be more stressful than good! So I am wondering if anyone else ever just quit fighting it and went back to straightening for an easy life?

I am on that verge, lol.

I get the frustration. I have curly hair and everyone bangs on about deep conditioning and leave in etc

turns out my hair is incredibly soft and fine and all it wants is protein and hard hold products. I have to use texture spray at the roots for grit or it’s too soft

every so often in think I should deep condition and then look at my lank fuzzy hair and think why the fuck did I do that!

Is there such a thing as a hair specialist/expert (aside from hairdressers) who could actually talk to you about YOUR hair and what it needs?? Just thinking if you had a skin issue for example you would speak to an expert who would advise what would be best based on your specific skin issue?? Might not be but may also save you spending loads of money and time on the wrong stuff! Just a thought.

On the one hand I sort get where you are coming from…I don’t follow the ‘You can’t ever wash your hair’ crowd. I mean that’s great that it works for you but I would be walking oil slick if I didn’t wash my curly hair daily.

But on the other hand I’m not entirely sure what you’re hoping to gain here. With the “I hate how my hair looks/feels but I’m not going to listen to suggestions or things that might help” 🤷‍♀️

So on that note I’m going to tell you what works for me and you all can proceed to ignore or not…your choice. Aveda’s curly line specifically the Sap Moss shampoo and conditioner + their Be Curly line + a really good diffuser.

My princess and the pea hair scoffs at any other products and demands only the best. I stopped fighting the hair battle years ago and just go with what it wants.

Personally, I think the curly methods only really work if your hair is actually thick. I have wavy/ curly hair but it's fine, not thick, and it does loads better with silicones and sulphates.
Your hair does look dry at the ends. If you're smoothing it out just use a ton of morrocan oil afterwards and also the colour wow leave in conditioner is good as a before heat protectant.

Yep, I feel your pain.
I hardly ever have a good hair day, but when I lived at home, in a soft water area, it was lovely waves and curls most days.
My hair is also thin, so leave in conditioner is a no no. Same as leave in oils and serums.

I have to say you idea of embracing natural hair would mean not fighting it, not trying to turn it into silky smooth waves because that’s not it’s natural state (where you live ) - I found your post confusing

I've noticed that the force of water affects mine. At home we have a really strong shower and unless I GHD my hair is a frizzy mop. We were in the Lakes a couple of weeks ago and had a rainfall shower and my hair was smooth and glossy.
I get a keratin treatment now, expensive but lasts 3 months and worth every penny.

What cream do you use?

Long, thick, curly hair here. Tried sooo many products over the years, every time I found something that worked it would be discontinued! Then someone told me their granny's secret.

Boil up flaxseed in a saucepan, about 4 to 1 water to seed. As it boils ( for about 5 mins) it releases a natural gel which you then sieve into a jar and let cool. Kept in the fridge, it lasts about a week to 10 days.

Total game changer. Only thing is, it has the consistency of egg white with a mind of it's own, so wear an old t shirt or towel when applying. Works best if you let hair dry naturally, or at least halfway.

Also second pp who got layers. Curls really need layering.

I would recommend the Wavy Hair Method by Charlotte Rich on Facebook. All the products are high street brands (my conditioner only costs £1!) and it’s really simple. I just wash, condition, scrunch either gel or foam into soaking wet hair and leave it to air dry. Could be worth a try?

Mine has gone wavy as i've got older.
It's greasy on the scalp and dry at the ends. Similar in length to yours, but darker except for the grey bits.

I was pretty tired a couple of weeks back in the shower and accidentally picked up the shower gel instead of the shampoo.

Serously, it looked and felt amazing! (Radox pink one, with grapefruit and ginger, if you're interested).

I use it ever other time now, alternating with Elvive.

I've got quite wavy/ curly hair (hence the name!) I don't even own a hair dryer, my kids think I live like the Flintstones.
One side of my hair is very wavy, the other side is more curly, BUT I'm a compulsive hair twiddler, and the side i twiddle is the very wavy side. When I wake up in the morning, curly side (that I sleep on) looks like a gorse bush, other side slightly better. I've tried silk coverings on the pillow, tying it up, clipping it into ringlets, whatever, makes no difference. I run a wet comb through it in the morning, twist it into ringlets and let it get on with it. Some days OK, some days meh. My fringe on the other hand- whole different story! It doesn't help that I have a cows- lick on one side, so I don't let my hairdresser cut my fringe as one side needs to be about 1/4 inch longer than the other so I do it myself. When it gets to a certain length (like last week) it was doing its "escape to the country", one side fine, the other side pointing forward into the distance, and nothing was going to make it lie flat (so I cut it, bastard fringe!).
I use Garnier honey shampoo and conditioner mostly, wash it every 2 or 3 days and hope for the best.
Mind you, a lady was very envious of my wavy hair and asked how I did it, did I use a crimper or something, very disappointed when I said it was natural!
Have you tried twisting it into ringlets and letting it dry naturally? I find the more I mess with mine the less it behaves, so I don't. Saves a fortune.

I might try this....thanks

I had a good routine and had amazing curls but the longer I go into menopause the frizzier it has got, especially at the back, and the curls start at the roots. Really odd as I used to have dead straight hair which I had regularly permed during my teens/early 20s, though the perm always lasted at the back and dropped at the front.
My routine is shampoo with a moisturising shampoo (currently using Aussie miracle moist but not keen on the smell) and then a moisturising conditioner, Garnier hair mask in the big pot, and comb that through which is the only time a brush or comb touches my hair, rinse and then serum through the ends and mid way up the back where the frizz is the worst. It then sits wrapped in a towel for a good 20 mins whilst getting dressed etc then I spray leave in conditioner spray and then use a curl cream.
Sadly the back feels matted by the end of the day and super frizzy. I have longish hair that comes to about an inch or so above my bra strap which has longer layers cut through. It may need to have a trim as it's been a few months

I have coarse, dry, bushy hair and live in a very hard water area. I used to go on holiday in the French Alps quite often and stayed in a village up the hill from Evian. My hair was always lovely after washing it there!

I have given up with mine. I don’t have the inclination or skills for styling or regimes and I am loathe to spend loads on products, so I just keep it simple. Wear it back in a claw clip most of the time and only brush it when I wash it which is about once a week- any more than that and it’s just Worzel Gummage territory. Older women keep telling me their once-thick hair has thinned with age so I’m just trying to feel grateful for my bird’s nest while it’s still there. (Also my husband is practically bald and tells me to be thankful 😂) To be fair it does always look great when it’s been styled by a hairdresser but I only get round to that about twice a year.

I have coarse, dry, bushy hair and live in a very hard water area. I used to go on holiday in the French Alps quite often and stayed in a village up the hill from Evian. My hair was always lovely after washing it there!

we were at Victoria Falls last year and while walking at the Falls my hair became soaked with spray. Back at the hotel I just blow dried it without shampooing and it was lovely and soft!

I'm 60 and have had pretty much 60 years of hair fine wavy hair (and not in a good way - frizzes at first sign of humidity, sticks out at angles, always a bloody mess). Fed up of expensive stuff that didn't work and feeling untidy I just gave in either to straightening or the usual fluffy tangle.

Well bugger me! A month ago for some reason, after I'd washed my hair as usual, I thought I'd just use my detangling comb not a brush (why hadn't I thought of that before) and then pin it up into little curl/ringlets type things close to my head for the evening. Well it was brilliant. I obviously thought this was a fluke and it would kink out like a bastard again the following morning - but no. I do it every time now and for the first time in my life my hair is doing what I want.

This isn't advice, so please don't shoot me...but I just want to say never give up hope as I stumbled upon this by accident when I could have been doing it and saving myself a whole lotta grief my entire life.

My hair is very similar to how you describe yours.

I've never straightened it and never will. I just don't like straight hair on me.

I use shampoo, conditioner and occasionally salt spray and I just let it dry naturally. I use a detangling comb at the stage of using conditioner, then I try to squeeze rather than rub it with the towel. As it dries I separate it with my hands. That results in nice soft waves about 80-90% of the time. If it goes "wrong," it usually goes wrong in the direction of too straight, especially if I started messing with it when it was still fairly wet. I don't like that look but I can live with it - I'm not the sort of person who cannot go outside unless they love the way they look.

You have the same choice - accept that wavy hair never dries the same way twice and some days it won't be quite what you wanted, or straighten it. Personally I would do anything rather than straighten because straight hair looks so limp and unhealthy on me, but yours might behave differently.

I feel you OP. It's so frustrating. I used to fight my hair but now I can't be bothered - I just wear it up all the time, and save loads of time and money by cutting it myself. I don't see the point of paying a professional as it's never worn down. I did buy professional scissors so the hair is cut well / no split ends (which I was getting from crap scissors).

Keratin smoothing treatment. None of the overpriced products work.

So right @Alucard55 , none of the products work.

I’m 69 with coloured hair which in the past couple of years has morphed into an increasingly frizzy mass.

Would you please tell more about the keratin smoothing treatment? I understood that was just a temporary fix and an actual Brazilian Blowout/Keratin Treatment is the only long term (6/8 weeks), and very expensive, answer.

I get a smoothing treatment every 4 months and that costs 120 including the cut. It's quite a long process (3-4 hours) but worth it. It puts a coating on your hair so it doesn't react to moisture.

I can honestly say it's life changing. I had tried every product/method going but unless it was a very hot dry day outside my hair would turn into a frizzy coarse mess. It's an essential for me now.

You do need to use sulphate and salt free shampoo and conditioner afterwards though as those ingredients strip the keratin.

Thanks @Alucard55 , that sounds like a miracle. Could you post a link to the salon you use please?

Does this straighten it or leave it curly/wavy?

Suggest you try (1) comb your hair and leave it, handle as little as possible and (2) John frieda friz ease styling creme. Its miracle stuff. And hair spray

Took me decades to tame my hair but I got there eventually