To be fed up of fighting my hair?

[Vegwoes]

So I have very wavy hair that seems to be porous by nature and fine. I like the colour (natural) and length (bra strap) and it is in good condition.
But!
It is so so sooo much hard work.

We live in a soft/moderately soft water area, yet when we travel further north to visit family and friends my hair instantly changes almost overnight. It becomes softer, shinier and forms lovely waves. My washing methods and products do not change, so it is clearly not those causing the issue.

1 week back at home and it is like a brillo pad in texture.

We have tried a shower filter, I have tried washing with bottled water, distilled water, to recreate whatever was going on further north, but nothing works. We have an expensive air con unit, a de-humidifier, the whole bloody thing. The house is well ventilated and I can't locate any immediate stressors.

No curly or wavy 'method' makes a difference, I am l loathe to spend any more money on endless new fangled wonder products that never actually do anything. Every time I research this online people insist on you buying more products or gadgets, that you are 'doing it wrong' but I am just weary as f at this point.
I have been trying to make the best of my natural hair for many years.
I suppose I am writing this because I have realised there is a kind of subtle pressure to embrace our natural hair. You have no idea what I have spent in this quest! I am coming to the conclusion that it can be more stressful than good! So I am wondering if anyone else ever just quit fighting it and went back to straightening for an easy life?

I am on that verge, lol.

It doesn't straighten your hair it leaves a keratin coating on it. Depending on how you wear your hair you still need to style it. I have naturally wavy,frizzy,coarse hair and have spent 20 years using multiple products (that don't work) and fighting with my hair. Pre-treatment my hair is easy to blow-dry and style. The best part for me is that I can go out when it's foggy/misty and my hair doesn't react. No hairspray needed.

I'm not one for expensive treatments but if you find someone who knows what they're doing this treatment is worth every penny.

Just be aware you need to use sulphate and salt free shampoo and conditioner or you'll just strip the coating away.

It's a small salon outside Edinburgh there's no website.

I highly recommend the treatment.

Google nanoplasty @Vegwoes It's been life-changing for me.

I too have thick wavy/curly hair with a mind of its own. I've spent so much money on lotions/potions/treatments, and then there's the time to wash, dry, style (I use that term very loosely 😆) to then wake up the next morning and I look like I've been dragged backwards through a blackberry patch. I may as well have just biffed the money in a pile and burnt it. (As a horse owner I'm well acquainted already with that fiscal practice, waah!)

I can now wash and wear and not worry about a frizzy mess. This morning was freezing so I did a very rough dry with the hair dryer then spent five minutes with the straighteners and I'm fit to go out in public

Deep condition it regularly, partially blow dry or use straightners on the roots. Then comb through with cantu curl creme or mousse & then style it in a top knot or claw clip for a few hours. My hair is similar to yours & I get lovely, soft waves with this method.

Keratin treatment is simply a miracle.

Just relating to this so much! I’m from the north, always had lovely waves there, moved down south and always frizzy. No products I’ve found that resolve this, so it must be the hard/ soft water difference.
it also affects my skin as a side note.

Sorry not read the whole thread, but I've had issues with frizz, hair was straight but after kids it goes more curly when washed and frizzy. I decided to go for keratin treatment at my salon and it's brilliant, no more frizz! Saying that it doesn't go curly now after washing so may not be what you're looking for?!

The answer may be there is not enough humidity. With the air conditioning on you shouldn't need a dehumidifier as air conditioners are already dehumidifiers. If the air is too dry moisture will be sucked out of your skin and hair to compensate, leaving your hair dry and coarse. Try keeping the dehumidifier off and see if that changes it.
I have thick wavy hair as well and my strategy has been to keep it short. I can't be arsed to fuss with it. One thing I have found helpful is adding a bit of grapeseed oil to my regular conditioner.

I have this problem. I live in an area where the water is basically limescale before it comes out of the tap. When I go ‘home’ to Derbyshire the difference to my hair is immense.
I’ve found doing a hair mask every few days helps mine, and also sleeping in those heat less curler thingies when I can be bothered. Also Brazilian blow dry helped alot -but spendy.
basically though nothing has consistently worked ever so I’m now resigned to either tying up or straightening if I want to wear it down.

When various sons girlfriends came to stay with us, they raved about the water effect on their hair and the quality of their sleep. Coastal Wales.

I know this doesn't help but.... After years of thick, wavy hair that I couldn't do anything with, I just gave up and chopped it all off 🤣 My reasoning was that anything was worth a go! I'd never had short hair before and I wasn't getting any pleasure out of it at all - whatever I did, it looked a mess, and I just tired it up in a pony tail every day. I just thought "sod it, it's only hair, I can always grow it again if I don't like it"
It's less than an inch all over these days and I've saved a fortune... 😂 🤣

I have straight hair with a tendency to frizz - not that it ever forms curls or waves but just looks fuzzy. I usually just wash it the night before and it calms down by morning rather than me blowdrying it straight. I went to Bali on holiday though and my hair was just a mass of frizz. There are countless forums on how to get the frizz out of your hair in Bali - how was I going to find that women who had the special guaranteed stuff designed to straighten it out in some little shop? Then I looked round the resort - almost every other European woman had given up the fight and jammed it in a ponytail to hide the worst of the frizz. The French women were no more chic either. (Asian guests just seemed to have great hair - no frizzing for them.)