Page 18 | EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

David850 · 2025-06-27T15:54:09+00:00

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son. Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable. My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable. The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed. My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening. School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them. I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered. I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Askingforafriendtoday · 29/06/2025 11:01

Wooky073 · 28/06/2025 23:16

Ive been through the family court system for a child arrangements order. My ex husband sought custody of our 9 year old child who was 11 by the time the process was completed (It cost me about £9k to defend my sons wishes to stay with me) - it was an expensive process. But I learnt a few things. The court and social workers take a child focussed approach - eg what does the child want? Its not about what the parents want. Plus courts generally dont get too involved with 13/14 year olds as they are teens and can simply say and do what they want. So if your daughter wants to live with you she can. Even if there was a court order in place saying she lived with her mum if she chose to stay with you as she was unhappy at her mums all that would happen is that your ex would have to take you to court (which takes time and money). Then the court would either kick the case out or ask your daughter who says she wants to live with you then its done. Unless one person is eligible for legal aid via being on low income and stating they are a victim of domestic abuse and gaining evidence through a DV charity etc. So if your daughter wants to live with you she can.

Your son is younger but still could have a say in where he lives if he is very unhappy and doing that to his room is not child focussed. Same situation next time he visited you if he didnt want to return he wouldnt have to, and she would need to take you to court to sort out a child arrangements order. But its time and money. Its also unpleasant for the child. Her partner coming over to pick up the children is just a threat - you wouldnt need to release your child to an unrelated man. Id call the police if he turned up and started being threatening. Your ex would need to pick up and then your child decide if he wanted to go with his mum.

I would probably get some legal advice at this stage. Many solicitors you can call up with a view to engaging them and they will give you some free advice and talk over your situation and give you the legal perspective (very important).

You could also contact a family mediation service - its an alternative to court. There are online and in person ones. It may seem expensive but its a whole lot cheaper than family court. If you reach agreement through the mediation service they have the agreement approved by the court. If no agreement then you get a MIAM certificate allowing you to go to court. Eg you cant ordinarily go to court without having tried mediation first. But if the kids want to live with you then it would be your ex who would need to take you to court and not the other way round. Unless she was witholding access from you.

CAFCASS suggest this template of parenting plan if you can reach agreement with the mum - https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/my-family-involved-private-law-proceedings/resources-help-you-make-arrangements-are-your-childs-best-interests/how-parenting-plan-can-help

Its not easy and I wish you luck, but definately get some legal advice and get your head around the processes - then you will know your rights and your kids rights (which they do have) which will help you all feel more empowered.

This is all round excellent advice for the OP, imo

HardyCrow · 29/06/2025 11:44

WhereIsMyJumper · 27/06/2025 21:03

Absolutely this!

Show quote history

Yes

HardyCrow · 29/06/2025 11:49

MixedBananas · 27/06/2025 20:47

What if you end up with someone with kids. The same would happen or you will house everyone in a mansion?
It isn't nice but that's usually how it goes with new partners and step kids..... Just oart and parcel of the joys of a broken family.

You don’t have to live together

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 12:13

Support your daughter to call social services or the NSPCC (or equivalent) .
I would have kept the children and called social services and told them why you were keeping them. If your ex is ‘threatening’ to send her boyfriend round to get them… I’d be telling her to crack on!….
if he turns up I’d make sure it was being recorded. I’d ask him to get off your property, if he refuses tell him to wait outside while you gather the kids.. close and lock door and call police telling them he’s refusing to leave and that social services have been informed and agree for you to keep children. You ex will need to take you back to court, which might be long and drawn out, by which time she might have given up as it sounds to me like she’s either just a dick putting her new partners kids first or her new partner is controlling and manipulated his way in.
How she is treating her own kids is disgusting!! I’ve been single for 3 years… have a 14 year old DD, full custody (not through court but dad hasn’t bothered to see her)… I haven’t even considered dating again.. no way would I move a man into her home… and no way would I force her into a blended familysituation where she was having to share her bedroom! It’s disgusting behaviour on both the mums and new boyfriends side. Des he have his kids
100%?

Poppins21 · 29/06/2025 12:18

MandarinCat · 29/06/2025 09:24

Why do people prioritise their wants over their kids needs and wellbeing like this? So bloody selfish. She could have continued dating him. She only has her kids 50% of the time so could have spent her whole 50% off time with him.

I think its a cocklodger situation

WhatNoRaisins · 29/06/2025 12:20

Obviously I don't know these people but I can't help but worry what sort of a hold he has over this woman that she's making her own children so unhappy.

tinyspiny · 29/06/2025 12:22

WhatNoRaisins · 29/06/2025 12:20

Obviously I don't know these people but I can't help but worry what sort of a hold he has over this woman that she's making her own children so unhappy.

Unfortunately there are plenty of women who put men before their children , for some women ( and men) having a partner of any description is more important than anything as they just don’t want to be alone .

Braygirlnow · 29/06/2025 12:28

Please,please don't do anything without legal advise. Try and keep communication open and civil, don't interact if it gets abusive....stay calm, and good luck.

AliceMcK · 29/06/2025 12:29

Lollylucyclark101 · 28/06/2025 18:34

How long have they been in a relationship for? How may times has they met each other? Spent time with each other?

The 12 year old is old enough to be able to decide where she wants to stay. The 7 year old…. Not so much.

Personally, I think you need to encourage your children to integrate into a family.

remember, this will be happening to your children if you meet a new partner, who may or may not have children, and I would expect your ex to support your choices. They will have to share and the bedrooms need to be a neutral space. What are you expecting? For them NEVER to move in together? (Little controlling?!)

This is going to be very hard for them, but you also need to remember that this isn’t exactly “nice” for the new partners children? It’s hard going all around.

Anyway, I don’t think social serious the route to go, it’s literally wasting their time unless you have serious safeguarding concerns about the new partners:….. and I doubt there are any as his has custody of 2 children,

Support is the answer here, understanding for ALL of the children….. this is a new situation; and will take time to settle.

Show quote history

Omg RTFT! The OP dose have a new partner, he’s been seeing her more than twice as long as the mother has been seeing her BF, he’s has never brought his new partner home when the children are there, they have a relationship away from the home for the sake of the children because his priority is his children!

The mother has been with this man 11 months and the children barley know each other.

Op has not stood in the way of his ex moving on, he had however backed his children up when he’s found out how they are being treated and how unhappy the are in their mothers home 🙄

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 12:33

Poppins21 · 29/06/2025 12:18

I think its a cocklodger situation

Show quote history

Agree! Sounds like she’s being manipulated…. If she isn’t then she’s a dick and doesn’t deserve the kids back!
Situations like these are so depressing to me and the main reason I’ve chosen to stay very much single for 3 years…. And will until my DD is at least 18….
Why are people so bloody desperate for a new partner!?

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 12:39

HardyCrow · 29/06/2025 11:49

You don’t have to live together

Show quote history

@MixedBananas - so stay single?! You don’t HAVE to meet someone while your kids are still home.

You also can live apart and just date while the kids are at the other parents…

My marriage broke down 3 years ago, I don’t get the desperation of meeting another man…. Kids aren’t kids forever…. When my DD is 18 I might think about dating again…. But I definitely don’t NEED to because my dating life is less important than my relationship with my daughter!

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 12:41

I would be asking ex for
hos Spider-Man belongings back too. Hee response is evidence that she’s taken his belongings with no consideration what so ever for what your son wants

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 12:46

Could the children write/record messages to their mum stating how unhappy they are with the new living arrangements and stating what they would like to happen?keep copies of this also as evidence ?

I worry that she will now prevent them from coming to you again? Confiscate their phones so they can’t call you etc… they can’t even be collected from school as don’t have that safety net now!….
I suspect both kids are dreading the 6 weeks holidays !

As for custody battles… the teenager is old enough to choose who she spends time with and the courts would take
the sons feelings into account .. and be keen to keep siblings together!

Lollylucyclark101 · 29/06/2025 12:46

AliceMcK · 29/06/2025 12:29

Omg RTFT! The OP dose have a new partner, he’s been seeing her more than twice as long as the mother has been seeing her BF, he’s has never brought his new partner home when the children are there, they have a relationship away from the home for the sake of the children because his priority is his children!

The mother has been with this man 11 months and the children barley know each other.

Op has not stood in the way of his ex moving on, he had however backed his children up when he’s found out how they are being treated and how unhappy the are in their mothers home 🙄

Show quote history

I think it’s really sad that he’s kept his partner and his children separated.

I agree this is a massive adjustment for all concerned. I don’t see them being treated badly. They are just having to adjust to a “new living situation”. 11 months is a long time, and I’ve seen somewhere from the OP that they HAVE indeed met and spent time with them over that 11 month period.

we have also got a 1 sided story here. I 💯 think mom would disagree with most things that have been said.

WearyAuldWumman · 29/06/2025 12:50

Lollylucyclark101 · 29/06/2025 12:46

I think it’s really sad that he’s kept his partner and his children separated.

I agree this is a massive adjustment for all concerned. I don’t see them being treated badly. They are just having to adjust to a “new living situation”. 11 months is a long time, and I’ve seen somewhere from the OP that they HAVE indeed met and spent time with them over that 11 month period.

we have also got a 1 sided story here. I 💯 think mom would disagree with most things that have been said.

Show quote history

I dare say that the mother would disagree with most of this. I'm wondering how she views putting out even her son's bedding though?

Her son is only 7 - she surely can't claim that he was too young for Spiderman themed bedding.

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 12:52

Lollylucyclark101 · 29/06/2025 12:46

I think it’s really sad that he’s kept his partner and his children separated.

I agree this is a massive adjustment for all concerned. I don’t see them being treated badly. They are just having to adjust to a “new living situation”. 11 months is a long time, and I’ve seen somewhere from the OP that they HAVE indeed met and spent time with them over that 11 month period.

we have also got a 1 sided story here. I 💯 think mom would disagree with most things that have been said.

Show quote history

11 months is nothing when you have children! I was dating a full year before moving in with my ex (no kids then) and he turned out to be an abusive twat!
Its not sad at all that OP has decided not to move his partner into his children’s home..
How is taking away her own children’s things and making them share THEIR home and bedrooms with unrelated children normal…. I’d agree if it was just at weekends when his kids visited but not 100% of their time at their mums.

At the end of the day the children are not happy and their opinions matter.,,, we don’t need the mums POV on this… the children are so unhappy they want to live with their dad…. End of … the kids are all that matters here!

LoveFreshSheets · 29/06/2025 12:55

Oh God, your poor kids
This is just awful
I was forced into a similar situation when I was a teenager and it was so so upsetting.
I’m 58 now and I’ve never forgotten how distressing it was.
Your ex is thoughtless and selfish … just like my mum was.
She will reap what she sows in time; for now you will have to pull out all the stops to hear them and advocate for them.
Good luck

TwistedWonder · 29/06/2025 12:58

Lollylucyclark101 · 29/06/2025 12:46

I think it’s really sad that he’s kept his partner and his children separated.

I agree this is a massive adjustment for all concerned. I don’t see them being treated badly. They are just having to adjust to a “new living situation”. 11 months is a long time, and I’ve seen somewhere from the OP that they HAVE indeed met and spent time with them over that 11 month period.

we have also got a 1 sided story here. I 💯 think mom would disagree with most things that have been said.

Show quote history

I think having a relationship without dragging your DC into it is sensible, responsible and natire. I wish more people thought that way and put their kids before their own desperation to shack up with someone.

Moving a new partner plus kids into a family home after less than a year is completely selfish and irresponsible. It’s completely unfair on the kids and shows a tell selfishness of the parents that their desire to have someone they hardly know on their bed is higher priority to their kids well being

The biggest danger to kids is an unrelated man living in their home. This mother should stop putting dick before kids and wake the fuck up.

MandarinCat · 29/06/2025 13:00

TwistedWonder · 29/06/2025 12:58

I think having a relationship without dragging your DC into it is sensible, responsible and natire. I wish more people thought that way and put their kids before their own desperation to shack up with someone.

Moving a new partner plus kids into a family home after less than a year is completely selfish and irresponsible. It’s completely unfair on the kids and shows a tell selfishness of the parents that their desire to have someone they hardly know on their bed is higher priority to their kids well being

The biggest danger to kids is an unrelated man living in their home. This mother should stop putting dick before kids and wake the fuck up.

Show quote history

I totally agree.

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 13:02

It’s also VERY weird that this man goes in and kisses his DD goodnight ! I would not be happy with a man walking in my room and kissing his daughter that was laid feet away from me…..
who kisses their 13 year old DD goodnight when she’s in bed? Weird!

I'm an adult and can see how uncomfortable this would have made me as a teenager!

I would be rebelling massively and running away in this situation!

and people wonder why kids are so messed up these days… marriages breaking up isn’t the issue - it’s the parents not being able to put their kids first!

I have a friend who is dating and leaving her kids with anyone that will have them so she can have weekends and holidays with her new man… her kid only attends school a few hours a day and spends evenings smashing shop windows, fighting, vaping etc….. she’s not a bad kid either… just desperate for some attention!

T1Dmama · 29/06/2025 13:04

TwistedWonder · 29/06/2025 12:58

I think having a relationship without dragging your DC into it is sensible, responsible and natire. I wish more people thought that way and put their kids before their own desperation to shack up with someone.

Moving a new partner plus kids into a family home after less than a year is completely selfish and irresponsible. It’s completely unfair on the kids and shows a tell selfishness of the parents that their desire to have someone they hardly know on their bed is higher priority to their kids well being

The biggest danger to kids is an unrelated man living in their home. This mother should stop putting dick before kids and wake the fuck up.

Show quote history

100%

WhatNoRaisins · 29/06/2025 13:05

I get that sometimes we have to help children adapt to new living situations like divorce or relocation or repossession but this one was completely avoidable and unnecessary.

Needspaceforlego · 29/06/2025 13:14

@David850 are you able to manage child care during the holidays. Not so much for 13yo but your 7yo.

BIossomtoes · 29/06/2025 13:56

Lollylucyclark101 · 29/06/2025 12:46

I think it’s really sad that he’s kept his partner and his children separated.

I agree this is a massive adjustment for all concerned. I don’t see them being treated badly. They are just having to adjust to a “new living situation”. 11 months is a long time, and I’ve seen somewhere from the OP that they HAVE indeed met and spent time with them over that 11 month period.

we have also got a 1 sided story here. I 💯 think mom would disagree with most things that have been said.

Show quote history

Jesus wept. Have you even read the thread? You don’t think forcing two kids to share their rooms with strangers and dismantling the decor of a room a little boy loved is treating them badly? I’d love to know where your bar is.

Lollylucyclark101 · 29/06/2025 14:06

BIossomtoes · 29/06/2025 13:56

Jesus wept. Have you even read the thread? You don’t think forcing two kids to share their rooms with strangers and dismantling the decor of a room a little boy loved is treating them badly? I’d love to know where your bar is.

Show quote history

They’re not strangers? Again, OP has stated they HAVE MET and HAVF spent time together over an ELEVEN month period.

wonder what would happen if they had a baby together and the rooms would have to be redecorated? 🙄

like I said, a big adjustment for everyone concerned; but there are big safety concerns, and no they’re not being treated “badly”