End-of-year class gift drama

[bathroomadviceneeded]

My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

Oh God yes.
Every class has one. Ours gets petitions started to try have certain children moved class/expelled etc, she is a real busybody. Banging on about the smallest transgressions.
She actually rang her local MP, the Police and Governors of our School Board with regards to a child's behaviour.
Her husband was a very tall, Large man and would use his size to stand over the errant mums, very threatening indeed.
She got nowhere. Our (reasonable, sensible, kind and firm) Headmistress finally told her
"Mrs XYZ I decide who is suspended or sanctioned at this school and may I remind you that you have no right to cause upset among these parents to further your arguments. "
She pulled her children out unceremoniously 2 weeks later.

They are out there.

It’s really inappropriate.
I don’t agree in giving teachers Xmas or end of year gifts
lots of people have challenging jobs and don’t get similar and the sums can run to £100s

I never joined in with the group gift but the last few years asked the teacher what they would like for the classroom knowing they always spend their own money on supplies. I bought a box of glue sticks or a box of pencil and felt tips etc. Things they could use during the year

That's insane, and mean.

I do our class gifts and just send a message out saying 'anyone who would like to contribute please do so via ... If you would like me to add a message from your child please send it to me'. I don't write 'from blue class' as some people like to do their own thing which is fine, and it's more personal with their individual messages. But its made clear that people can ask for a message to be added without contributing, the 2 are not linked.

oh lord, we just organised a delivery of cold drinks to the staffroom - asked if people would like to contribute a maximum of £2... never kept tabs on who contributed, just the amount so we knew our budget. They were delivered with the msg, "a little thank you from the Year 2 Parents"

this is an easy one - naming and 'shaming' people like this is beyond outrageous.

thanks

I was so glad our primary school never did this too much pressure to be seen to have to. Why is it always self appointed class rep who starts these bonkers. Large amounts won’t necessarily be able to be accepted by teachers. A lot of work places have a limit on the amount of gift you can accept.

Flag this with the school.perhaps a more experienced pta member might suggest the use of the class gift donations sites that are so simple to use and don't tell anyone except the organiser how much each has contributed. Put that woman straight now before she does the same for years to come without being corrected.

This is the best idea yet. Buy classroom resources e.g. glue sticks, pens, a ream of A4 paper, a Waterstones voucher for books. Or small world play or Lego.

I’m a teacher and think the whole thing is completely insane. I’d appreciate a few well chosen words in an individual card (possibly handmade) from pupil and parent over any monetary gift.
Could be a Motherland episode!!

Why dont people just individually buy presents for teachers

@ExpertArchFormat

I really don't understand your post.

There is no nuance here.

It is absolutely rude and ill mannered to shame people for not contributing to something that is discretionary,

I am one of the "scrapers" that you so disparagingly describe.

Yes we do scrimp and save to send our DDs to an independent school but that is our choice and affects no one except us.

We always contribute to teacher gifts and all the other endless contribution requests.

We are not motivated by social connections - we are not even British by birth.

We are focused on what is best for our children and what sort of education suits them best.

We are black and the state school they would have been allocated was in special measures for racism issues. I am not sending my 2 black daughters to a school that is in special measures for racism.

I will say again - I will not send my 2 black DDs to a school that is in special measures for racism allegations / investigations.

Before you start shouting about "immigrants" we are both skilled migrants and higher rate tax payers and we only use the NHS for one asthma review a year.

Your statement "buying an expensive education" is misinformed and ignorant.

Yes, so this is what used to happen before whatsapp groups.

Everyone would give their own gift. Being on the recieving end myself - there are only so many mugs or handcreams or flowers I needed! Pure waste mostly.

But if you think about it - a bunch of flowers or bottle of wine or chocolates can cost anyhthing from £5-20.

Its definitely less wasteful that everyone gets together and gives a giftcard, presumably the teacher will buy something she needs.

I arranged the teachers gifts this year. 90% of parents give promptly, there were 4 or 5 that i politely chased up. Gave up on some of them.

I feel bad that i didn't get the kids to write a nice message each, I did that last year.

Because what teacher wants 10 keyrings, 10 mugs and a pot of seeds saying ‘thanks for helping me grow’ on it when they could have a £300 voucher for something lovely like a spa day or to spend at M&S food or on their Starbucks habit?

£350 for two teachers? Just doesn’t need to be anywhere near as much. Ours says ‘contribute £2 or £3’.

teachers shouldn't have to buy their own supplies. This is a nice idea but should be in addition to any small gifts that are given to the teacher. If they are teaching a class of 30 kids they deserve a bigger gift!

Teachers don't care. I worked as a teacher for a while ages ago. I appreciated all the small presents from students. I enjoyed every mug

I actually think that I preferred the individual thought that went into small gifts.

This large gift was a parent's idea for sure , I'm sure the teacher wasn't asked what she would prefer.

Maybe ask the teacher what they want

This idea of a large gift was probably just to show off, and to shame people for not putting money in.

I actually really like class collections firstly because I cannot be arsed going out and getting a gift and secondly because I don’t know a single teacher who wants 30 bottles of wine/chocolates/candles etc and it means they can actually buy something decent. However we contribute £5-10 per family and there is no naming and shaming if you don’t want to chip in. It’s just here’s the link to the collection pot. Chip in if you want to. The teachers normally get a decent amount and it’s split between them and any TA’s

Year 1? Strap in... the head of the mafia has let themselves be known... completely unreasonable and showy behaviour. It wont end well as guaranteed they are an arsehole will cause division and fully intends to be queen bee. its a long time till year 6 good luck.

A lot of Teacher's don't expect any present though.

I have a good few teacher friends. They always tell me that they never expect anything and are happy to get nothing, but that the parents always insist on getting them something.

Where did the tradition come from? We don't buy any other profession gifts really.

Nobody shiould know who gives what, that is totally out of order. Do say something before it's too late!

It's appalling and if I'd put money in I would be asking for it back.

This is horrendous. I would definitely make the head teacher aware that this is going on. I was a class rep for many years, people put in what they wanted and the card was from the whole class. Job done

Oh of course they don’t expect it. But parents want to show their appreciation and it’s much better to be able to get something they actually want rather than wine/chocs which they might neither like nor want

Which of course is far more inclusive!