End-of-year class gift drama

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My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

No that's totally unacceptable. Ours are always totally anonymous to everyone except the person collecting the money, and signed from the whole class whether or not the parents gave any money.

Also FWIW it's more like £5-10 total to cover both the teacher and the TA round our way.

That is absolutely INSANE and ridiculous.
When we did the end-of-school year gifts (class rep here... for my sins!), ALL kids signed a massive card to the teachers, invitations to make a contribution were made by Whatsapp, end of story. NO mention anywhere of who donated, and what people donated and I had donations ranging from a couple of quid to 25-50 GBP. And that was nobody's business. End of collection, you buy some pressies, send a whatsapp saying "Thank you for all the contributions totalling XX GBP - I have spent it on xx, yy and zz for the teacher, TAs etc. and the kids have all signed the thank you card from the class."
Job done. It's not about the amount, but the kids. They get to sign shit in crayon, parents contribute what they can, IF they can. End of.

Has this parent checked with school to see if the teachers can accept a gift of such value.

A friend of mine once did something similar and because the value was over £30, the teacher couldn't accept it. I think she ended up being out of pocket, she couldn't find anyone to buy the voucher and I don't think she could return it either and parent's wanted their money back.

Naming and shaming ❌
Amount 😲🫨😲🫨
Some bloody flowers and chocolates would do fine, maybe a bottle of plonk - what are they aiming for, a holiday in the Bahamas?

Even at the supermarkets they are around £1.
What's wrong with cards in Card Factory (or the other budget one - Cards Galore?) ?

Ridiculous!

This is ridiculous. I would let the school know what has happened, as singling kids/parent's out as not having paid could be extremely upsetting or damaging to the children. I have never contributed to one of these 'class gifts', and not because I couldn't afford it, but for ludicrous reasons such as this. £350 for having done their own job for a year? Fuck that.

I always over-donate on these things because I know some can’t afford to (except this year because I actively did not appreciate DS’s teacher but that’s a whole other thread).

My thought is that if some parents in the class are struggling as see there’s only a total of £50 (or whatever) they’ll feel they need to donate. If they see a high enough figure for nice things then there is less pressure. My mum struggled financially with us and it was awful with these kinds of things. I’ll always buy loads of raffle tickets and DS takes an extra pound on non-school uniform days in case another friend has forgotten theirs.

If that were then published on the group chat, I’d be really angry. I’d feel as though it presents me as braggy - even though I didn’t post it. And that I was being used to pressure others to donate, which is the opposite of my intention. I’d be torn between demanding my money back and saying I’d organise my own thing - or simply demanding the list is removed.

Jesus. In our class WhatsApp someone has kindly offered to organise- everyone to pay £5 into her account and she’ll write the names of the kids whose parents contributed on the card to the teacher. Others can do their own thing- or not. It’s no stress.

I would have to say something non confrontational like ‘I’m sure people are putting in what they can afford and some may prefer to do their own thing. That’s fine with me.’

Completely disagree with this, it’s up to the parents how much they want to donate to the class gift.

We live in a wealthy area where a large majority of families have at least one parent earning six figures. I think it’s more than appropriate for them to donate £20 or more to the class gift if they want to, it’s a drop in the ocean for them.

However, I do completely agree that the organisers in the OP’s case have behaved completely inappropriately and the amounts people donated absolutely should not have been put on the WhatsApp. That is madness and I’m not surprised it’s caused uproar.

Exactly my approach too.

That's a mad amount of money. I used to get wee boxes of chocolates, flowers, mugs from children in my class but always around £3 to £5 value. What I valued the most though was the hand drawn and hand written cards.
If you have 30 children in your class and they all contribute £5 each, that ends up being £150. Two teachers, £75 each. More than enough for a big bouquet of flowers and chocolates or similar.
The local authority may well not allow employees to accept gifts over a certain amount. I think ours was £30 or it had to be declared formally. Some we couldn't accept at all, I think if they were over £100 value. So it could be that a very expensive present has to be declared or even declined, depending on policy.
I'd be saying something to the organisers about how they're essentially naming and shaming those who haven't contributed, or those who have contributed less than others. That's really not on and I think the school wouldn't be happy about it either.

We had something similar at my dc's nursery. One parent came up with the idea that we all chip in and treat the owner to a weekend away. I'd not had a holiday in several years let alone a weekend away, I soon walked away from that shit.

16 years on I still have no idea if they actually went ahead with it or not.

Crazy world, what's wrong with hand made cards and a box of biscuits/chocolates? Everyone has to go OTT these days.

I've been a class rep a fair few times. This is appalling behaviour, really nasty and immature.

I've kept a log of what people have given me and I tend to send a few reminder WhatsApps to jog people to remember to contribute.
Every time I've done it, 1 or 2 families don't contribute - that's fine. They might be getting their own present, strapped for cash or something else. I don't bloody expose them on the class WhatsApp!

I agree, any teacher would feel like you! 👏

To add, I wouldn’t pay over to a donation pot if every child’s name weren’t included. I’d expect it to be from everyone in Green Class (or whatever) whether or not Jenny’s mum paid in.

Aside from being against excluding children for the decisions or financial position of their parents (no issue if it were adults), I also just don’t trust that the organiser wouldn’t forget to include someone who did donate and kick up all manner of nonsense by mistake.

As a teacher I would be MASSIVELY uncomfortable with any token of appreciation that was over £5. Aside from the obvious stuff going on here how will the teacher feel about all of this? Would school policy even allow them to accept such a thing?

I don't donate on principal, as I have always ensured my kids do a handmade card etc. I have worked in schools as well so can see the other side! Our teachers regularly get £300 + raised. A primary school not private but very niche. I did however take a stand when they suggested the TA gets less as they do less work. And they haven't put the time in to get qualified as a teacher. A lot of egg on that person's face when it turned out the teacher was a former TA. In the end it was agreed it would be 50/50 😁.

This is the same for ours, having organised many and contributed to many other class gifts over the years.

And I do think end of year gifts are fine. Teachers work bloody hard, of course they don't expect a gift but if they did, it wouldn't be as nice to give it.

£1 in the supermarket? Are we quoting 1993 prices? I just googled and the very normal Tesco cards are well over £2.

It's unfair and demeaning.
Also, there is probably a policy in place to prohibit teachers and assistants from accepting high value gifts.

I disagree with putting amount. Some of these parents may be giving a personal gift so bit OTT. Amount raised is enough to put out and that's a huge amount!

That is awful. The teachers would hate this and would much rather get a card with a meaningful message

I work in NHS teaching hospital. We are not allowed to accept gifts from patients beyond a box of chocs/biscuits/fruit basket to share with the whole team. It is suggested that a donation to the hospital Charity Fund would be welcomed for those that want to give anything more. Giving anything more than small token gifts to individual teachers should not be allowed in schools . I am sure schools would welcome contributions to the school fund from parents who wanted to give something extra.

"Public school"? Are you American? In the UK schools provided by the state are "state schools". "Public schools" here are the ones you have to pay to go to.