End-of-year class gift drama

[bathroomadviceneeded]

My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

Why not buy something useful for the teacher or school? Library Books, art paper, glue sticks -will save the teacher spending her own money throughout the year.

Mental behaviour. We contribute 10 pounds - naming and shaming those for not contributing is bullying. Teacher would most likely be appalled at this behaviour.

Ridiculous way to work it. We just put in 10 pounds at the end of the year, it's added to the WhatsApp with the bank details with x date to pay by. Then the day before a reminder is put out and whoever contributed has their name on the card.

Yes - this is what we did too. Anonymous donations and everyone signed the card - who knows what other gave? I just gave my amount and usually class rep then bought a JL voucher.Maybe it was easier when it was cash in an envelop - in terms of the donations being anonymous. Certainly shouldn’t call out the amount - that’s not nice

No but I think my teacher friends actually don't want a gift at all.

They do their job because its their job. They feel embarassed accepting gifts.

No one ever asks the teacher what they want.

These things become all about what the parents want.

It turns into competitive gifting, where Sarah can brag that she gave more money than another parent did

Yep it’s ridiculous. But these things always seem to descend into madness. I’ve just been asked to donate a fiver to a thank you collection for the 2 parents who’ve organised the teachers’ thank you collections this year. Where will it end?!!!

Insane. World of more, more and more!

Because I’ve no idea what they need. Do teachers buy their own glue and art supplies? None of my teacher friends do so I’ve no idea If this is a thing.
Our school gets donations of books all the time and frequently turns them away so that wouldn’t make a good gift either. That’s why I’d rather chip in a bit of cash for the teacher to spend on whatever they like. Hopefully something for themselves not the school.

Also with a full time demanding job, 2 children, plus caring responsibilities for relatives I don’t have the time nor the brain capacity to think of meaningful useful gift for teachers. I have enough on my plate. I’d rather give a tenner to a money pot and forget about it

There seem to me to be TWO issues in this thread, which haven't properly been disentangled.

1. The issue of giving teachers expensive gifts, and leaning on people to contribute to them. I'm not going to comment on this, except to say that many of the teachers I know would prefer to have large sums of money in their kitty at school to support the most vulnerable in their class (but we don't know whether the term 'public school' is being used in a UK or US context. Even if the former, I know people at top UK paid-for schools whose parents have made TREMENDOUS sacrifices to afford the fees, and who do have to count the pennies).
2. The issue of sharing personal data without consent. Surely GDPR specifies that you have to give consent - sharing your name and contact details may well be implied by a WhatsApp or similar group, but sharing donation details is a MASSIVE breach! I believe. And even if I am wrong (unlikely) then reminding the originator of the emails of the existence of GDPR might help....

By the way, I suspect stupidity rather than malice.

I never give to those collections, I think it’s important for kids to choose a gift and write a nice message in a card to understand why we give gifts to say thank you, I usually direct them towards a tin of sweets or biscuits that can be shared around the staff room. I hate the collections, it’s more about the parents organising if than a genuine thank you.

OP, I agree with you that the organiser is being unreasonable.

Some schools have introduced a gift policy with money limits...does yours have one? If not, it may be something to suggest to the head teacher/principal, especially if your child is attending this school and the same organiser tries the same stunt next year.

Good luck, OP.

This sort of behaviour is huge in Dubai. Christmas / teachers day / teachers birthday / end of year the parent rep collected a couple of hundred pounds not aed in gift vouchers.
There was no other option or a discussion it was pre determined.
We chose to do our own personalised gift that was more suited to our budget. Personally I like getting thoughtful gifts , a gift voucher is fine but I think over the school year you’ve got to know the teacher some what 🤷‍♀️
Whataspp groups are more trouble than the required. If the school had a chat platform it would avoid these groups and key information wouldn’t be missed. Thankfully our new school has that functionality.

You send a whats app saying total donated £100 and advise i have bought X £30 x £40 and X £30 you can even photo receipts and add them into whats app group.

What the organiser has done is disgraceful

I’m sure they aren’t heartbroken at receiving £200 at the end of the year either

I’ve had kids in school for over 12 years. Never seen competitive gifting in all that time. No one knows what other parents have given. It’s literally a chip in if you want or don’t if you don’t want

surely this is an unbelievably outing thread?

A lot of people must surely be aware of this as happening in their class or school or to one of the friends who’s a parent in the class?

That doesn't prove she's put all the donated money into the collection.

I don't like the idea of publishing the names and amounts but I can see that it makes it clear what she's collected.

I agree with you that people shouldn't get involved, just let kids pick something personal even if it is a little unusual.

I think one school that one of my friend's works in, has actually banned gifts to teachers altogether. Because they don't want people to feel pressured to give money.

My friend said something about it a while ago, but i was only half listening at the time as i remember that i was texting someone.

I must check wih her as it's interesting

So if to he parents get together and add up their donations and it comes to £150 where is the other £50? No one is really going to do it but if youre worried about allegations the way she has done it is crystal clear, you can all look and check she's recorded your donation.

It isn't nice and I think kids buying a little personal gift is better but if there is going to be a collection of several hundred pounds I can see why no one wants to be accused of pocketing the odd £10.

I agree.

Most councils have policies around accepting gifts. School teachers should not be accepting extravagant gifts.

Is this in the UK?

I work in a school (non - teaching role) and I am not allowed to accept presents from students. It's in my contract. Because it could lead to bribery, abuse of the student, corruption etc.

I have only worked in this school since April, so I haven't asked the teachers if they accept end of term or Christmas presents from students. I haven't had that chat with them

As I am not allowed to accept gifts, I presume that they are not allowed to accept gifts either

A good idea badly executed. Get the most diplomatic person to thank and then point out that publishing contributions is unnecessary.

Or get the least diplomatic to
do this.

Depends how much you want to see the WhatsApp group eat itself.

Its always a certain type of person who organises this nonsense isn't it? And who will give the ridiculous gifts to the teachers? Her or her kids I am guessing?

As a teenager my best friends mum was a teacher and she would bring back bags of tat gifts on the last day of term that would need donating or eating.

That’s ridiculous it should be a voluntary contribution and they shouldn’t be shaming parents if they can’t afford to contribute.

There was a post on here a few years ago by a teacher. She had received an expensive M&S hamper that contained nuts and alcohol. She had a nut allergy and didn’t drink. She was a single parent and knew she would struggle over the holidays as not on full pay. So she wanted to know if she was unreasonable to ask them to return it and she have the money. Of course she was told she couldn’t do that.