End-of-year class gift drama

[bathroomadviceneeded]

My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

Tbh I felt bad for the kids who didn't get to write their names in the big card we delivered with the gifts. There were consensus on that just the kids participating should write their names. As I said so happy to be out of the primary world 😅

£355?

that’s insane. YANBU

Who in god’s name gives £30 or £40 for a teacher’s gift? Bat shit crazy. I don’t even spend that much on some family members for Christmas! These things are always organised by some objectionable suck-up. At absolute most, I would be prepared to give £5. Regardless of that, it is appalling for the organiser to have named and shamed, and the WhatsApp group should be disbanded.

As a former teacher, I can honestly say that I never expected or wanted gifts, although I always received several boxes of chocs. Very kind but unnecessary. I did, however, love it if a child made or hand-wrote a card to me, and I still have a box of those tucked away for my dotage! A card is more meaningful any day.

I did get some kind presents over the years, often bought by children with their pocket money, which I felt terrible about. The only gift I have kept from my teaching career is a gold plastic pirate coin which a pirate-mad boy put inside a card he had written. Of zero monetary value but it was from his prized pirate collection and therefore of great sentimental value. I keep it in a box of trinkets and always wonder how his life is going when I come across it.

@bathroomadviceneededsounds absolutely potty, but school parents, mums in particular can get weird! One mum has taken on the challenge for our reception class and I’m not contributing. I’ll give DD a little box of chocolates or flowers for each of the staff, but the big present idea just feels OTT and impersonal.

l am amazed the teachers are allowed to accept a gift of that amount

Bloody hell, what is this witchcraft???

A fiver each max, though I don't see the need for a whole parent group to do it.

No thanks, I'll just stick with with our personal gifts, none of which will be another cup!

The teachers need a bottle of wine. Buy them wine.
If they dont drink then very fancy chocolates or vouchers for poshest local supermarket so they can buy whatever takes their fancy in the deli.

Health professionals are strictly not allowed to accept gifts from patients/ relatives. I have never understood why it's not the same for teachers...madness. Better off going to school funds fgs!

You might want to check the local authority or school policy. Ours has a clause that says teachers are not able to accept gifts above a certain amount. The school wrote to us to tell us that and they wouldn't be able to accept large gifts, which meant it was not appropriate to club together. They suggested a nice card made by the child.

It's a bit much to say who donated what, but I don't expect anyone who hasn't contributed to have their name on the card.

If this happened in my class WhatsApp someone would probably email the school and the school would send an email saying it’s inappropriate to be listing gifted amounts and nothing is expected.

in my daughter’s class it’s donate if you want and the card says from class 3a, so even if you don’t donate you’re still included. It’s disgraceful to be naming and shaming! Some people prefer to do their own gift or can’t afford it - none of anyone else’s business!

I do get annoyed with the TA being given less that the teacher in our class. I tried to push back on that one but didn’t win. I’ve had to do the money collecting, buying the gift and getting people to sign - it can be a right pain in the bum but that doesn’t give you license to be a tit

Why not - they may not be able to afford any contribution

Disgusting. I have 3 kids, ranging from 5 to 16. I’ve been part of many class groups over the years and nothing that bad has ever been done. Some times I contribute to the class gift, sometimes if the teacher has gone out her way for my child I like to give something more personal. Some years I’ve done both. Some years I’ve been broke AF and I’ve not been able to do much at all. It’s up to the parent and circumstances. What a disgraceful person to put that in the group. Well at least their tactic failed - trying to shame parents they’ve only shamed themselves.

But presumably you are able to have 30 gifts worth £5?

this is madness
at work for whip rounds we use one of those app site things
everyone can leave a message (for free) and an optional donation and amounts can be hidden so we just see the total.

How many health professionals spend 5-6 hours for 190 days a year with someone's child?

Some teachers are passionate about what they do and actually like children.
I will not describe what health professionals are faced with...each to their own. 5 to 6 hours a day for a few days a year ...poor, dear teachers.
12 hour shifts often for health professionals, patients are not collected and taken away at the end of the day,rushed meal breaks if they can but the main point is why give lavish presents you.people following their chosen career...madness!

That is absolutely shocking. How insensitive. This should be completely optional for all. All of the personal information should be removed immediately and the 'organiser' replaced. What a horrible thing to do under the pretext of acknowledging teaching staff.

Sounds like an episode of Motherland

My GC's class collection is £2 each. It's then split between the permanent TAs and Teacher. Cards are individual and the children who need the most help usually get the TA a box of malteasers etc.

No one should be buying gifts for teachers, it's ridiculous and can get out of hand. At my dd school, they send out a letter every year saying no gifts for teachers etc etc.... lt can put people is terrible positions if they cannot afford it, especially if they have a few children in the school. Always thought it was a daft idea, they get paid to do their jobs like everyone else....

Did the organising just put names and amounts for transparency? she/he could have been more tactful and just not put down the nabes of those who didn’t contribute rather than name and shame!

nice idea re the gift poor execution

I would say I am buying my own present with my child. Also encourage any other mums you are friends with to do the same.

Are teachers even allowed to accept gifts of this magnitude? In healthcare, the rule is gifts of nominal value only, otherwise it must go to a central fundraising office, to prevent any accusations of bribery for preferential treatment. Surely it must be the same for education?

Wow - what a TERRIBLE organiser! Shaming parents who didn’t contribute in the current financial circumstances is awful and I’m not surprised parents are upset.
Our class organiser has always made it clear - no pressure and it will be signed from everyone no matter what. They are super nice about it!