End-of-year class gift drama

[bathroomadviceneeded]

My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

Same. There is always one person who wants to know what everyone else is contributing so they can check they aren't giving more than anyone else.
I always respond to say donations are entirely anonymous and optional. And range from £0 to £30. We sign the card and present from everyone.

Indeed they should not. In reality, teachers buy all sorts for their classroom and class. When I moved into management and away from having my own class, I suddenly had more money every month because I wasn't buying snacks, books, birthday cards, spare clothes for toileting emergencies. That was on top of paper, pencil crayons, jigsaws, games, cooking ingredients. The real cost of teaching a class is way beyond what most people realise.

Absolutely disgraceful. We have some lovely mums who organise the class gifts. You can get something much nicer if you club together, and it’s cheaper for everyone. It’s usually a fiver, and they put a reminder in of the deadline in case anyone “wants” to contribute. No comment is ever made about who did or didn’t. I’m very grateful someone else is willing to take the time to organise it.

Seriously, parents of primary-age kids - stop doing this. Send an individual thank you card from your child (preferably home-made) but stop doing this end of year present thing.

You'll breathe a sigh of relief once your kid hits secondary and it's NOT A THING any more!

We have to declare any gifts above £50

Why would you do that? Are you trying to catch the OP out?

Once some parents spoke up, others jumped in really quickly defending the organiser. ‘You don’t have the right to comment if you aren’t willing to organise it’ type thing. Or ‘they are doing it in the interest of transparency’.

I'd ask what transparency that would be. If the organiser wants to demonstrate that he's not pocketing any of the money, there are plenty of ways to do that without giving out personal information about individual families. I suspect there may be data protection issues here.

This 100%
Crass and totally out of order

That's batshit! I'm organising our end of year gift (reception) but no one knows how much has been put in except me. I might get one other parent to check it, just so they know I haven't stolen anything from the pot, but its an optional collection for if anyone wants to avoid the hassle of getting some random tat join in the collective gift voucher.

This is what I don't get. When I did the collection I only wrote down the name of the kids whose parents wanted to participate and how much they had given. I understand now I shouldn't have done that but I really didn't want to have any suspicions about me taking any money. Some gave 35£ and some 5£ and we collected about 270 £.

Some parents started doing group gifts for teachers in my son school. I never took part, parents don't always realise that teachers have to declare these to work and can be taxed on them. Yes this is totally true as I work in a school, token gifts by students are not a problem but large value items like this are.

Crazy, cruel and crass but there’s another world that springs to mind that begins with C…

I organise our class present and I would never do this, we usually do £10 but some parents pay more depending on circumstances if they want to, some parents don’t contribute and sort their own presents but I still sign the cards from class

the organiser sounds awful

Worth checking with the headteacher - usually teachers have declare gifts and those with a monetary value can be restricted to a total of £20-£30.

We aren’t in the UK so it diff rules here

last year we got both out teacher and TA a full day spa voucher and a hamper each and it was fine

we we are a full class of 32

It will be the talk of the staffroom. The teachers involved will know about it. I hope the Head puts a stop to it.

Gosh this is awful. The parents who didnt contribute could be getting a separate present or may be struggling financially. If i was in that group I would never do anything if that parent is organising it.

A terrible way to go about it.

Also, as a teacher, I would be so embarrassed being given a gift of this amount (split between both obviously). I prefer the thank you messages. (Chocolates are also nice 😁). I would hate to think that families have felt pressured into giving me a gift when I am just doing my job.

How embarrassing for the teachers… Not fair to them!

Respond in the group.

I do not agree to how this has been handled at all, this is embarrassing on all parts.

I am a teacher and would feel very upset and awkward if I knew this situation had come about and also that much for a give is a lot of money and would feel uncomfortable accepting a gift as much as that.

No one should be forced to contribute to something they don't believe in or don’t want to / can’t spend that much money on so shaming people out for that is not ok and you should feel ashamed of that.

I think everyone should get the teacher what they (AND THEIR CHILD) choose if they don’t want to partake in this group giving. Feel free to leave out names out of the cards as my children are making their own.

And then hope everyone agrees but at least you’ve painted yourself in a good light and not taking part in this drama, and do your own thing with your child.

Totally insane amount of money even split between two teachers. And identifying those who have contributed nothing is just asking for trouble - it’s bullying behaviour and I would report it to the school. If the organiser wanted to account for all the money received they could just as easily have done that anonymously with a record of individual amounts received. It’s unpleasant and if I were one of the parents whose child had been named and shamed I would be utterly furious.

I had a list IF needed to protect myself, and receipts.

Method in my madness lol. If I sorted it last year, in Reception then I never have to do it again :)

I find this so cringe. It’s pure performance that’s all. How embarrassing to be writing a list of who contributes what and asking for money. Urgh. These parents have obviously lead from boring lives in they are going on a power trip over a gift.

Didn't help the mum who was suspected. You know as well as I do that once there is a suspicion you are already judged. And I honestly couldn't stand it if they were all talking about me mh-wise. I wasn't one of the "popular" mums, I just got talked in to being the organiser which I suppose is fair enough because I was happy to participate when the other mums were responsible.