To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

[TeriBW]

Anyone else not a fan? Everyone is slaughtered on arrival, it’s often ‘picky’ food so nothing substantial and it’s hard to get more than a quick hello with the happy couple…

What a bunch of self involved misery guts! “WAH I DIDNT MAKE THE A TEAM.” Jesus Christ. I love an evening only do, I love just a ceremony invite, I love a whole day invite.

Surely you all understand that there are different levels of relationship?!

Well thats the problem though. You cant ask before hand what kind of event the evening do will be...I work in London, one of my colleagues invited a couple of us in person to his evening do and gave us the date, and we said thanks great, love to come... only to discover when he sent the details that it was in a golf club in the middle of nowhere in North Yorkshire, and all the nearest affordable accommodation was booked up by the day-guests. They didn't lay on any food, and it was a cash bar. The entertainment was their ipod hooked up to the speakers. The groom was understandably too busy with family and bride to have a proper chat, it was just a really rubbish evening which cost us a fortune in travel and hotel costs.

@pikkumyy77

no because it would cost to have everyone there for the full thing and unnecessary

A friend said this about a wedding evening do once & I thought it was so rude. I never knew it was a thing to be offended by not being invited to the whole day! Weddings are so expensive so many couples cannot invite everyone they know. I enjoy an evening do & have food first (I eat early) & have a drink and a dance 💃 .

I've only once been to the evening do only. It was for a colleague's wedding. She invited a whole group of us, it was at a distance, so we all went together in a minibus and stayed at the same hotel overnight. On arrival there was loads of food and we had a lot of fun. But it did seen weird not to have witnessed the actual wedding and not having much idea who all the other guests were.

Then being at a wedding where other people turn up for the evening do also feels weird. You've already eaten and partied and it lamely has to start all over again.

I think weddings should be a single cohesive event with all guests involved throughout.

They can’t apparently. They think they so incredibly special and important to everyone they meet that they simply must be invited to the full ceremony of every single person that they meet

To those saying not worth it do you go to any evening parties eg birthday etc?

I wouldn't pay for a hotel to attend one but I always enjoy a party and this is no different. Often evening only invites are for groups like work colleagues, hobby friends etc so there is normally a gang of people you know to have a good time with.

Totally agree, some people really have a chip on their shoulders

”second rate citizen”
“gift grabbing”

“just rude to be only invited to part of it”
“ 2 tier wedding guest list”

we had a “2 tier wedding guest list” immediate family only during the day and friends, work colleagues and extended family at nights, thankfully everyone came to help us celebrate our big day without a dig at being “second rate guests”.

It’s a phenomenon I’ve only seen in this country and find it really weird.

So you'd prefer not to be invited at all, then?

No night out, no seeing friends and family, no celebrating with the happy couple ... but ego left pleasantly unbruised?

Jeez you really are aren't you 🤩

So what about those people who get married abroad, or who have a small, family-only registry office wedding, but then have a big party to celebrate the event on a whole different day? Would people really not go to the party because they 'weren't invited to the whole wedding'?

I'm really glad that my friends and family are the type to be happy to be included in whatever capacity, go along and celebrate with joy, whatever the occasion.

No, she doesn't, as already stated.

Up to you really. They have always existed.

What makes it worse I think is that you so rarely actually feel glad to see them get married. It's like a celebration of compromise. I can think of only one wedding I've been to where I really believed the couple would be happy together for life.

It's up to you if you go or not.

But if the undercurrent of this post is that couples should only send out full day invites, YABU.

If we'd invited everyone (colleagues, acquaintances etc) to the whole day for our wedding, the cost would have been prohibitive. We also wouldn't have enjoyed it as much - it would have been completely overwhelming with that number of people - and we wouldn't have been able to have the venue we liked most as there wouldn't be capacity.

None of this means we didn't want to see and celebrate with colleagues and other acquaintances - evening invitations are the perfect opportunity for that.

People shouldn't have to justify who they invite to share one of the most important days of their lives.

I wouldn't travel anywhere that would require an overnight stay, unless I wanted to visit the area - had a lovely weekend in York - but otherwise I love an evening do. It's a night out, but if that's not your thing, you can decline - it's not a problem?

I think the loss of plus ones is a bigger wedding issue!

It's a party where some people got there earlier than you, OP. As with any party, it's an invitation, not a summons. If you don't enjoy the evening of weddings, by all means don't go.

I think it partly depends on the location. If it's easy to get to and doesn't involve an overnight stay I'd go along, but I wouldn't shell out for expensive transport or hotel as a B list guest. Don't mind being a B list guest but not if it costs me an arm and a leg.

What posters need to understand is MN have an unusually high number of people who don’t like socialising. They wouldn’t like a night out drinking and dancing normally, they don’t enjoy parties, clubs, busy bars. The party part of the wedding is something to be suffered through not enjoyed. So going to an evening wedding party they view it as doing the bride and groom a favour, because obviously it’s going to be awful.

there’s also a lot of MNers who only enjoy spending time with their immediate family (effectively their household) so don’t see weddings as a time to socialise with their extended family or to meet up with friends they’ve not seen for a while. They would only go for the benefit the Bride&Groom.

No-one will convince these people that a wedding might be fun. Because their idea of fun doesn’t involve any of the elements of a wedding party.

That said, there’s also a lot of these people who seem oddly annoyed at being invited to weddings.

I went to loads of evening do's only when I was still at school, but that was for example I worked with the bride's mother, or my auntie went to their church.

Seemed like the appropriate level of invitation to me. But of course that was all local and didn't involve any expense or travel.

My husband received a few of those from colleagues years ago and only bothered dropping in for two drinks at a local one when we were already going out for the night.

Otherwise wouldn't dream of bothering, much less travelling to one.

I'm not a wedding person unless they are very close family.

We flipped ours, so lunchtime was everyone (300 ish) for a sort of ploughmans then the evening was about 60. This meant no killing time between the ceremony and evening for anyone and we still got a smaller sit down meal

Some very good friends of oirs got married in Kenya many years ago before overseas weddings were a thing (she worked for a travel agent).

They had a big party when they came home. We travelled for the party because they put us up at no cost at the grooms old house, which was empty.

Evening invites are usually issued by people who don't want to pay for you to have the wedding breakfast, but want you to fill up their dance floor.

This ^^ simply isn't true of any of the evening dos I have been to. I have been made to feel welcome at every single evening do that I have been invited to and have been fed very well. There was a pay bar which is quite normal for most weddings so we didn't expect free drinks.

I can't get over how many posters have chips on their shoulders about being evening guests. The paranoia and self importance is astounding.

Given its an invite, yanbu to decline. If making a rule is easier for you, then go for it
Back in my day, evening invites were really common. Typically work colleagues etc. But then most people got married in the town where they lived. So it was just a night out.