New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

[dtarer]

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

Women also stare.

True. But they are generally more subtle, and less likely to make the OP uncomfortable, I'd think.

?? Of course it’s too low cut for work!!

He shouldn't be staring but this is not a professional way to dress.

No no, men still have the ability to practice self control. It's not a work appropriate top but the guys behavior wasn't work appropriate either and that's on him

Breasts play a role in sexual attraction without which there would be no babies to feed. We are the only mammal with permanent breasts. Why do you think that is?

If it’s really flattering, maybe just wear a modest vest top on underneath it to hide the cleavage.

I’m a feminist but I also know that a woman’s body is extremely attractive, despite being straight.

I used to wear such things in my teens and early twenties when I followed whatever was fashionable. I’d wear low cut jeans and always have my bum crack on display despite pulling it up all the time.

It’s so strange that society and the fashion industry make women’s clothing so tight, revealing and provocative while men are able to hide their bodies and wear modest clothes and still be considered attractive.

Nobody should stare at your cleavage, that’s not your “fault”, but from the pic the top isn’t business wear and looks unprofessional, frankly

I agree, that is on him, he was unprofessional.
But the OP has choices here, she doesn't like people staring at her, so she can either wear a less revealing top, or not. You can't control other people's behaviour.

Depends what sort of work. If you’re in event management/entertainment, it’s probably fine. In a law firm - definitely not and you’d be told in no uncertain terms.

It's a lovely top, but not for work. It would be hard not to notice your cleavage. However no-one should stare to the point it makes you uncomfortable.

He shouldn’t have been staring at your cleavage but imo the top is too low cut for work.

Because we are badly designed in many ways. We also have much more frequent menstruation then many other mammals have

Other mammals are able to sexually attract mates without any breasts. So we would be able to attract them aswell.

We are sexually attracted to men without seeing their penis, aren't we?

No, of course he shouldn’t stare, but get real. You could’ve worn a cami under that or those fake cami things you can put in when your top is too low.
I have no interest in breasts but I would find it difficult not to look at those on display at WORK. It’s completely out of place in a professional environment no matter how casual the setting is. It’s no different to a doctor about to deliver me bad news dressed as Mickey bloody Mouse.
When you have big boobs there’s no getting away from that. So yes, if you were dressed office appropriate and his eyes were still popping out of his head I’d say you had a leg to stand on. But that is a top designed to draw people to look so don’t feign innocence when people actually look.

Actually I have found that it doesn’t matter if you cover them up with a cami or even a roll neck there are still some men who will just stare at them. It’s disgusting behaviour which I believe should be called out immediately. So perhaps something like ‘eyes up John when you’re speaking to me’.

It’s so strange that society and the fashion industry make women’s clothing so tight, revealing and provocative while men are able to hide their bodies and wear modest clothes and still be considered attractive.

That top isn't fashionable and it's a massive exaggeration to suggest, if that's what you're trying to suggest, that all women's clothing is tight, revealing and provocative or has to be, to be acceptable. I'm considered by people who know me in real life [and indeed random strangers, male and female given the amount of compliments I get about my clothes] to be someone who dresses really well. I've never worn clothes like that. I think the black top is hideous.

Some people, including women, think that- many people don't.

It’s so strange that society and the fashion industry make women’s clothing so tight, revealing and provocative while men are able to hide their bodies and wear modest clothes and still be considered attractive.

I've never worn anything tight, revealing or provocative, that type of dressing just isn't my style, and neither is it the style of the women in my family and close friends. We all dress well, don't find it difficult to buy clothes and have all managed to be considered attractive enough that men have married us.

It isn't society or the fashion industry that have decided that certain styles of clothing are tight, revealing or provocative, it's that some women enjoy the feeling and effect on some other people of wearing that type of clothing, there have always been women who like doing that.

But the workplace is not the place for that type of attitude.

If he was staring at your face because he thought you look gorgeous, would you feel the same way? He was obviously mesmerised by your beautiful breasts 😍

Er …

What on earth was The Sun doing with their Page 3 feature, which ran for years!

Of course they’re a sexual thing. Don’t be daft.

I would not like a cleavage on show in work. I’m a bit of a prude but have big boobs and always wear a cami top or vest to cover mine up. Unfortunately all men will look it’s human nature but staring is sleazy but they are there and he will think you want him to look as they are on show. Cleavage at work is no no. You can still wear your top maybe just cover the cleavage then when going out show them off.

I think he's a creep but I also think that top is unsuitable for work. I can't think of any work place that would be appropriate for.

Pretty sure this is a wind up. If it’s in an office environment I’d struggle to accept the OP would think that top is suitable.

I love that top, where is it from please? Put it in google but not coming up. X

Page 3 was fucking ridiculous.

The sun newspaper made breasts a sexual thing.

They told us to think of breasts as sexual.

We are heavily influenced by media.

It is inappropriate to show cleavage in a work setting; both men and women should dress modestly and professionally at work. That top is inappropriate for work.

AND

It is inappropriate and pervy for a man to stare at your cleavage, whatever the setting.

Both statements apply in this case.