DH has no idea how this feels?!

[Disneydatknee88]

I've just been made redundant. I've wfh for the last 5 years and honestly, I'm dreading the idea of going back to the office fulltime.

Dh chops and changes jobs as and when he feels like it. He doesn't have to factor in working hours around the kids. He drives so he can go wherever. I don't. I'm very limited to whatever bus route is available. I've always planned all of my annual leave around half terms. He just takes random days off through out the year to do whatever he wants.

Before the pandemic I was working 5 days a week in the office. Walking the kids to breakfast club, bussing it to work, coming home and walking to pick them up at 6pm and putting the dinner on for everyone as soon as i stepped through the door. Chores to follow. Stress and mum guilt was prevalent. I don't want to go back to that.

I'm freaking out about finding a job that fits around the children, that i can reasonably commute to via bus. DH made a comment about how easy it should be for me to find a job because I've been minimum wage. Sorry. No. Everyone is fighting for minimum wage jobs, even shit ones because they are unskilled. He says ah just work in asda, it pays the same. So I should accept any low wage job? Whether it works around the family or not? He has no bloody idea how hard this is.

Can you survive on 1 wage??
Joint bank account or own accounts??
Who was covering all the financial issues??
Sit him down and go through exactly how you feel, what he needs to do to help/support you right now and going forwards.

And not everyone on minimum wage is unskilled. I have 30+ years in IT, I'm now doing home to school driving for SEN kids and it is so much less stressful.

Good luck with job hunting and you are right, unfortunately being unable to drive can limit your flexibility but he needs to not only understand this but help you find a solution

My mate works for a research company from home, the starting pay in London Living Wage, wherever you're based. You can pick your shifts so it's fairly flexible.
It's calling people asking them surveys. Not very exciting but if you don't mind talking to people I think it's alright. Something like that maybe?

But your husband isn't pulling his weight at home at all. You need to address that big time.

Yep all of this. Congratulations you married a misogynist. You deserve more than this. My husband does half the load, has arranged his 9-5 job to do 10 hours days over 4 days so he has a day with the kids.bthe other days he does drop off and I do pick up and we rearrange that to suit each others work depending on what we have on. Both full time. He also washed his own clothes s the kids, makes dinner and does a food shop as I commute so leaves us free time at the weekends. He's not perfect but sounds a hella lot better than your dh. You need to read him the riot act, he is being a cheeky lazy f*er

Your dh needs to take a second job in the evenings and weekends to cover the costs. Take the summer out to plan what work you can feasibly do. Stop panicking. He can pick up the slack, just as you have for so many years.

Are there more parents from the school in your predicament? You say there is no wrap around care. Why don't you become a childminder? You could work for yourself, from home, round the kids. People are crying out for childcare. You could just do wrap around, or you could do that and maybe have just 1 or 2 a day. Its cheap to set up, you can do a course through your local council which is really easy. It may be something to think about if you don't have a particular career in mind. You can set your own hours, your own rates, your own clients.

Do you know what the company is called please?

Whose idea was it to move to this location when you don’t drive was that his too? If all the jobs are in Cardiff & you don’t want to spend ££ commuting and childcare it would make sense to move to Cardiff.

There's a few of them, but my mates one is called IFF research. There's a join the team section on their website.
Or just Google home research interviewer jobs.

Is it possible for him to start looking at his flexibility? Can he do any days working from home, or adjust his working hours?

You sound like a single parent

Then DON`T go to the office - go somewhere else

Where DO you WANT to GO fulltime ? (Be REALISTIC)
> You CAN find a way to make it happen - if you put your mind to it, you CAN accomplish ANYTHIN

> Here IS to THINKIN

Why didn’t you say that you would take any job you could get but if it didn’t work with the school run then he would have to step up and start doing 5 of the drop offs and pick ups and use his holiday to be at home with dc when you had to work for 50% of the the school holidays and he would have to make it work if he believes just getting a minimum wage job is the only consideration

Can I ask why ppl write a million paragraphs but choose to abbreviate about 3 words only. Makes 0 sense

Would you mind DMing me too? I have a relative who this would be ideal for. She’s currently SEN assistant for mornings and afternoons school pick up and drop offs and is looking for a job with more hours.

@Disneydatknee88 wow who actulay looks for a comment likes this one and uses it against you.
Your kids aren’t toddlers so I can see why you said what you said. Ignore the people looking to have a go for no reason.

Tike to talk to your dh and tell
him your no longer carrying the loads and also that he will be using his holdiays for the kids in the summer like you do. .
pre planned to suit the family needs .

Also sort a list of everything that needs doing to care for the kids and household then split them.

If you find a job whether you can do drop off and pick up then he does dinner. And so on .

Friend only took 3 children and only from her children’s school and covered all bar 4 weeks of school holidays and was making definitely more than minimum wage for the amount of time she worked (think it was close to £30k per year)
She did take them from 6.30am, gave them breakfast and even charged for making them lunch packs. Took them all to school and collected them at 3pm, took them home, fed them a snack, helped them with homework and fed them dinner and parents would collect at 7pm.

Definitely worth looking into if others are in the same boat as you.

Hi OP,
As well as looking for work from home jobs consider nights - in care, supermarket, warehouse, factory or you might even find night work from home on computer/phone.

If you start at 10 and finish at 6 your partner might be able to drop you and pick you up.

You could use the after school club to get a decent chunk of sleep before school pick up. Sometimes nights carry an enhancement which is also helpful.

would you mind sending me some details too please? I need something I work alongside parent with dementia

There is nothing at all demeaning about working at ASDA or any other supermarket.
Minimum wage now is 50% higher than in 2021. And where many small businesses are struggling, the larger corporations, supermarkets, Pets at Home, Currys etc are still able to offer better packages – sick pay, job security etc.
Whilst I do feel in some ways your husband is belittling you, not understanding all the extra work you do to keep the household running etc, do not view this as a backwards step.
Work is work, money is money. Take a job that gives you minimum stress and still affords you the benefits of flexible working hours. When the children are older and you have more flexibility find a role that suits you better.
Yes us mothers women do end up being the primary caregiver – but is that a bad thing?

Perhaps because he is responsible for the financial commitments

Exactly this take some responsibility for the situation. If my husband behaved as if the kids were 100% on me he'd get his arse handed to him on a plate.

Hey OP - based on your other posts, I'm guessing you're in the Valleys (which I'm familiar with). Not exactly rural, but generally commuter towns for Cardiff and the other big South Wales cities. Public transport isn't great but it's just about manageable without a car.

Have you looked at local authority? There's generally vacancies and they usually have a degree of flexibility.

Every time you see a job you like the look of, tell him, "look, I've found this great job! I'm going to apply for it! It'll mean you starting work late to drop the kids off."

How old are the kids? If you were dropping them at breakfast clubs etc before the pandemic surely they must be secondary school age or nearly now?

It sounds like it's time for him to get an idea. Get a shift job and tell him it's his job now to pick up the kids when you are working late!