DH has no idea how this feels?!

[Disneydatknee88]

I've just been made redundant. I've wfh for the last 5 years and honestly, I'm dreading the idea of going back to the office fulltime.

Dh chops and changes jobs as and when he feels like it. He doesn't have to factor in working hours around the kids. He drives so he can go wherever. I don't. I'm very limited to whatever bus route is available. I've always planned all of my annual leave around half terms. He just takes random days off through out the year to do whatever he wants.

Before the pandemic I was working 5 days a week in the office. Walking the kids to breakfast club, bussing it to work, coming home and walking to pick them up at 6pm and putting the dinner on for everyone as soon as i stepped through the door. Chores to follow. Stress and mum guilt was prevalent. I don't want to go back to that.

I'm freaking out about finding a job that fits around the children, that i can reasonably commute to via bus. DH made a comment about how easy it should be for me to find a job because I've been minimum wage. Sorry. No. Everyone is fighting for minimum wage jobs, even shit ones because they are unskilled. He says ah just work in asda, it pays the same. So I should accept any low wage job? Whether it works around the family or not? He has no bloody idea how hard this is.

Learning to drive would give you more options.

Sorry I know it’s not easy but your DH should be doing some childcare (can he do compressed hours, start early a few days a week and do pickup etc) and you need to learn to drive. I’d start off by taking a weekend job in a supermarket etc that your DH can drive you to to get the money for 1/2 driving lessons in the week whilst the kids are at school, and do that for as long as it takes you to pass.

Either that or move to a smaller house in/ near a city so that there are places you can work which you can walk to (and hopefully with some savings left over for driving lessons/ childcare).

How old are your children?

What are your skills?

Teaching assistant does seem like the obvious option, I understand you may not love the idea, but you are not in a place of lots of options so I’d explore it.

Apart from the fact your husband is not a family player, which has been well covered, it seems that neither of you plan well. Moving to a (rural?) area without many work options with no driving license was crazy.

You both need to get your shit together so get this moving assp

household finance squeeze: have you declared loss of your income to mortgage provider? Might it be worth looking into as you might get break or can modify the plan?

dh job: so he moved you all then took the Cardiff job despite the commute? Hmm. Is there any chance of remote work? Reduced hours? Modified schedule (7-3/11-7)?

op job: going to be tricky as you know. If income is your immediate/urgent priority then a short period of eg summer holiday childcare, could be a stopgap? I know it summit your preference but anyone can do anything for 2 months! For your ‘proper’ job, you should consider BOTH your jobs in the round eg if DH did 0.8 does that enable you to go to the office. He needs to show some accommodations too.

op other quick income: MSE has some tips on surveys, consumer polls etc which might be worth a look? Gives you something different to do when job hunting in any case.

Driving: get a Highway Code book - you can get cheap from WOB (just get a recent edition) or borrow from library. Your first step will be theory in any case. Your DH can teach you the basics on the nearest car park and then just before the test take a pack of 10-15 lessons from driving instructor on the test format and getting familiar with the area around the test centre.

Eh in that case, if the school is only 15 min away I’d assume they are pretty self sufficient at least getting home. How odd.

Yup.

as ways, the devil is in the detail that the op doesn’t provide or avoids answering

Can see why you are feeling how you are, I’m the same rely on bus, school pick ups, the one who needs to be home if the kids are sick ect hope you find something suitable soon :)

Ok don't jump on me. DD has just turned 10 but she is a very young 10. If this happened in a couple of years time when she starts comp, it wouldn't be an issue.

Her school run is a lot of busy roads to cross and nobody around here walks by themselves otherwise I'd have considered her walking with a friend.

I wouldn't be comfortable leaving her home alone either during half terms or after school. Some people might not get that but I know my child and it would be a disaster.

Somewhat contradicting

He's a wonderful father. He will take our DD out just the two of them on a sat/Sunday for a few hours to give me some alone time. We do things together obviously but I appreciate that a lot.
He helps around the house without making a fuss and takes care of "the man jobs" that I genuinly cannot figure out how to do (like spending hours putting together furniture and then taking it apart again and back together when I wanted it in another room cos I'm a bloody nightmare). He's just wonderful, honestly. I don't know how or why he puts up with me but I am so so grateful to have him.

I am confused as to which scenario is the real one now? Anyway I have very little patience with fully functioning adults who haven’t learned to drive. It’s an essential skill for life.

Oh, FFS. So this thread is just “rural, doesn’t drive, useless DH” bingo for lols.

People are allowed to be contradictory and change their feelings about things from one day to the next.
It is rude to quote the OP's other posts as some kind of criticism. How is that helpful?
When in a troubled relationship, it is quite normal to think he is wonderful one week and think he is selfish and useless the next week.

What is relevant is the facts, such as ages of children and hours of jobs.

I find these threads very odd

surely just wasting everyone’s time including the Op (who should be job hunting!)

It's really not funny 😬 You deserve more than this.

Wtf? The dd being 10 doesn’t mean the kids don’t need childcare and feeding and cleaning and laundry. The DH is doing fuck all.

Why do you think OP doesn’t need advice?

She probably does

but best to actually state the facts if the op wants genuinely useful advice and not be sketchy with children’s ages and her DH

Do you book days off and tell him he’s got kids? Do you ask him to do the things you do when you don’t feel like doing them?
Do you ask for help & he says no?
You need to communicate this to him, not to us.
All you will get here is “he’s a wanker” attitude.

If however you do ask him and he says no, he is exactly that…. A wanker

(I read through your updates but not every other post)

There are many options here - you could stop assuming you cover all the school holidays and sit down with him at the start of the year and split them up. Like you said, your children are old enough to start working on other options (though it sounds like your 10 year old has additional needs?).

Can another parent bring your kids back from after school club and your husband pick them up from that house? Sounds like he's home 15 minutes after it ends anyway so not a huge ask. For that matter - anyone live near you and could just bring them back? Does your older child get themself back and forth to school? Can they just go to the primary school and wait with your younger one for your husband to get them? I think it's time to think about all sorts of creative options here. Can you get an electric bike?

Moving somewhere that requires driving and being unable to drive was a massive mistake but appreciate there are many reasons this could happen. But you don't need an instructor - you can get your permit and go drive with your husband.

What's your husband doing to find a better job? Can he earn more so you can work part time? Can he work closer and split the school runs? Can you move?

This just doesn't sound like a sustainable situation and if your youngest won't be able to be home alone or get back and forth to school there are years ahead of this.

Why is it funny? You really think this was a good example for your children?

How was she sketchy? She never said how old the kids are in her OP.

She’s laughing at the pp calling her husband ‘a useless sack of minge’. Is she not allowed to laugh?