DH has no idea how this feels?!

[Disneydatknee88]

I've just been made redundant. I've wfh for the last 5 years and honestly, I'm dreading the idea of going back to the office fulltime.

Dh chops and changes jobs as and when he feels like it. He doesn't have to factor in working hours around the kids. He drives so he can go wherever. I don't. I'm very limited to whatever bus route is available. I've always planned all of my annual leave around half terms. He just takes random days off through out the year to do whatever he wants.

Before the pandemic I was working 5 days a week in the office. Walking the kids to breakfast club, bussing it to work, coming home and walking to pick them up at 6pm and putting the dinner on for everyone as soon as i stepped through the door. Chores to follow. Stress and mum guilt was prevalent. I don't want to go back to that.

I'm freaking out about finding a job that fits around the children, that i can reasonably commute to via bus. DH made a comment about how easy it should be for me to find a job because I've been minimum wage. Sorry. No. Everyone is fighting for minimum wage jobs, even shit ones because they are unskilled. He says ah just work in asda, it pays the same. So I should accept any low wage job? Whether it works around the family or not? He has no bloody idea how hard this is.

He needs to start sharing pick ups, tell him to put in a flexi working request. He starts sharing caring for the children out of work too - housework etc. don’t let your redundancy turn you into even more of a drudge.

If you don’t change things what example are you setting your kids too?!

He gets home at 5.15pm? Plenty of time for him to do dinner and some chores. Lazy bastard. He's had it very sweet for too long. Find a job you like and you'll have to both find solutions for your kids (new arrangements for drop off and pick ups, wrap around care and equal holidays during half terms). They're his kids too, ffs!

Have a look at British Gas/Centrica jobs, most of their staff WFH with mandatory 2 days a month in office

He doesn't have to factor in working hours around the kids.
He just takes random days off through out the year to do whatever he wants and never helps with half terms.
He never takes the kids to school or picks them up?!

He never cooks dinner
He never does chores after work

please read this back. It’s not normal or what you deserve.

You sound extremely passive and sound like you've enabled your husband to be pretty shite.

Not that it's your fault of course!! But have you actually spoken to him about workload, chores, annual leave etc.?

Won’t you get a redundancy payment if you’ve been there 5 yrs?

Sounds like you’ve given up on the husband, in which case why not look for a job in a school? You need something term time and some schools offer shifts / job shares like 8-1 or 1-5. There must be loads if you are near Cardiff.

"Learn to drive" is parroted on here all the time and it drives me nuts. It's hundreds of pounds, hours, and the availability of tests means the OP could be waiting 6 months before getting a slot.

OP your husband needs to work around the kids as well. Try not to worry about going to the office full time - many office jobs offer hybrid work now, or fully WFH.

Look for admin roles with your local council. If my council is anything to go by, they are always looking and usually, basic maths and English are the only requirements.

I started at my council last August after redundancy, and this month I have started an Apprenticeship. I already have a teaching degree but the council prefers to promote those that have done this apprenticeship, so in 18 months I can start looking at higher grade jobs.

I've been in this job for 3 years and I'm only entitled to statutory redundancy so I get 3 weeks pay when I leave. It won't stretch very far.

I live 45 min drive from Cardiff. I'd have to get the train and that only takes me to the city centre. Most of the jobs I've looked at are just out of Cardiff so I'd have to get a train, then several buses. I don't fancy a 2 hour commute!

What about your husband though? If he drives why is he not the flexible one? Your job options are limited so you should seek the most suitable for you to travel to. If your “D” H has to do more then he has to suck it up and put in a request with his employer.

Can’t your DH go hybrid? (Why do you live so far from his job?)

If childcare is an issue, then can you become a childminder? Do you think tgeee would be enough demand locally?

OP look into being a classroom assistant. I'm a primary school teacher and we are crying out for classroom assistants in Northern Ireland (not sure what the rest of the UK is like). Most of our TA's are mums in the school and don't have childcare qualifications (though obviously police checked). Money isn't great but it is minimum wage and your hours will fit perfectly around your kids. Maybe something to consider. It is hard work though but you are never bored and it is rewarding.

www.stonewatercareers.org

Perhaps something on here. They always have home based roles.

Good luck.

Lots of government departments near Cardiff?

definitely worth learning to drive - a short intensive course would do it. You don’t need lessons necessarily - get husband to take you to practice or a friend if he’s be a shit teacher.

might also be worth learning some Welsh as it opens up more government jobs, TA etc

It sounds like everything about your life only fits your husband and nobody else: where you live, your childcare arrangements, the running the household, work arrangements... what's in it for you? What do you want? What benefits you? From what your wrote, nothing really.

Seems like a bad spot to live in if you can’t drive and need to work. There must be some local options (council, schools, shops) or places in the city centre, if nothing remote is available. When you do get a job, and I’m sure you will even if it’s much tougher than DH imagines, do prioritise driving lessons if at all possible. Know it’s annoying to repeat but you’re so stuck otherwise, especially as your DH doesn’t have your back. Good luck with the job hunt and don’t let him grind you down.

How far away is the kids school? Could you set up as a before and after school childcare provider from home? There must be a need for earlier starts and later finishes for parents with the times you state?

Could offer the flexibility you need whilst bringing in an income.

Edit: you could extend it to the school hidays. You wouldn't then need to pay for holiday clubs. During term time you could pick up some ironing/cleaning or remote admin support work to top the pay during school hours.

Sounds like where you live doesn't work for you and your children. You may need to move to somewhere that does

He needs to step up and be more of a team player. All the stress and juggling of this should not just fall on you. Honestly, why are some men so bloody selfish (and why TF do we let them)..

I think your dh has to step up. He could do the dinner. I would be tempted to find a school based job locally if your on minimum wage or a job that works around him either evenings or weekends. I would not consider travelling hours for work especially if there is no childcare.

Who made the decision to move to the house you chose? Begining to think this is likely to be a DH choice alongside everything else. It sounds like you need to be somewhere with better connections if you are unable to drive.
Also based on the fact you have said he jumps from job to job now would be a good time to tell him to look for something flexible where he could share a role in school drop offs while you do the commute to work and work the full day.

What does this useless sack of minge actually do regarding chores and childcare?

Your husband needs to step up. Why on earth isn’t he using his annual leave for childcare during the holidays? Could he put in a flexible work request where he starts later so can do the morning school run which will give you more flexibility to find work? (Or the other end of the day of course).

Is he trying to support you with this at all? If he’s the one who drives he can have more flexibility.

He’s also their parent and therefore responsible for 50% of the school runs. I get what you say about his hours however that’s called flexible working requests - he’s equally responsible

We chop and change in our household to meet out DD’s needs but this is generally 50:50. Just because our anatomy is different doesn’t mean someone can declare their hours don’t work for the school runs. School runs are a requirement not an option and fall on both parents shoulders. You are enabling his behaviour by letting him get away with not doing them

Why isn't he using annual leave for half terms?

He really needs to step up in all of this, OP.