AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

Oh yes, and you could photograph Mary's bikini sat by the pool, Mary's dress having a cocktail at the bar, Mary's shorts & top seeing the sights, Mary's pj's going to bed....! And then send them to her!

Lol. .Mary clothes get a holiday...op you xN send photos of Mary's clothes enjoying their holiday in various locations...beach, bar etc

Why does not wanting to subsidise someone else’s flaky behaviour mean none of them can afford the trip? I could afford £50 but wouldn’t be willing to pay for someone else’s choices.

Why should op pay 50 quid to save the friendship? The mate isn't arsed about risking the friendship...

Mary is a weirdo.

you should pay her the 50. She isn’t coming anymore and is already losing money.

sounds like everyone should’ve just taken a cabin bag!!

What airport would The Suitcase fly from?

I'd pay. She can't use the space so I don't think she should pay for it. That said she sounds like a total nightmare. Enjoy your holiday!

I don't think this is a valid argument because you could say exactly the same if Mary started an AIBU thread feeling aggrieved at not getting a £50 refund and she could be told to let it go for the sake of the friendship. Why is the onus ever on one friend not the other to take 100% of the hit and assume the other friend is unable to maintain the friendship without that self-sacrifice? Any resolution "for the sake of the friendship" should leave each friend in the group equally out of pocket, including Mary herself, so £50/6 = £8.33 and each of the other 5 give Mary that amount and everyone has lost out by the same amount if the friends don't just tell Mary to stop being such a silly mare and accept that if you cancel a holiday at the last minute with no insurance you lose 100% of what you have spent.

I am Mary's clothes and I approve this message. Can you pick me up tho @mummysmagicmedicine? I don't want to travel on my own 🙏🙏🙏

This is why we really need the 😂 reaction back.

She's not using her plane ticket either, should OP give her the money for that out of her own pocket too?

So you think the OP has an obligation now to fork out £100 for a whole suitcase in the hold that she neither agreed to or has need of?

'Mary' is a total flaky princess and I'd be responding with 'if you'd bought something from me, which you wished to return for a refund, then of course I'd give you your money back Mary, but you purchased from the airline, they have the money. If you're able to cancel the checked in luggage option then of course we can both have our £50 back. As it stands either you're £50 out of pocket for something you're not going to use, or I have to pay £100 for something I'd never have booked without you coming along'

As it stands everyone keeps enabling Mary, or she spits her dummy, so you have two choices.

This is brilliant😂😂. Maybe travel by post??

Oh yeah! Doh! (although maybe spend a year learning how to pack so you don't need to spend £100 on a checked in suitcase for a weekend away?)

Post?!? What kind of clothes do you take me for!
>flounces off<

I agree, I once drunkenly agreed to a medium haul mini break with mates, then woke up with the absolute fear, and knew I couldn’t be that far away from my then young kids

i sucked up every bit of non refundable expense, my choice not to go, why should other people pay for my choice
she’s making excuses, she doesn’t want to go

Would love an update to this.

I’d pay her. She’s a pain, but YABU. £50 is nothing against the cost of a holiday and major house renovations!

Sorry everyone for the delayed update!

Mary came on the holiday in the end! An outcome no one was expecting. She got a rail replacement coach to the airport in the end and lived to tell the tale. So shared a case as planned. The whole time she was fine other than being funny about not wanting to get a cab back from the restaurant an hour walk away (!?) but someone walked with her and the rest of us got a cab which was about €2 each. Whinged that the bars weren’t that good near where we were staying (there were millions and they were fine). Other than that had a great time but will do my own case next year.

If Mary was not coming what would you have done? If you only paid for checked luggage be cause she was coming I would be tempted to refuse.

That said of it was a good friend I would not throw that away over £50.

Thanks for the update @mummysmagicmedicine - glad you had a good time 😃

I'm not really surprised that your friend went in the end. What she really wanted was to put someone else out so she didn't have to get the bus, hence the threat not to go.

How could she share your case if she got the rail replacement coach direct to the airport ? @mummysmagicmedicine

Well, you’ll know for next time, OP. Be brisk, and tell her what you’re doing. Her mad problems are her own to solve whether that’s having a phobia of rail replacement services or taxis or whatever. Or go on holiday with non-loons.

She carried everything in her arms

If you check OP's posts it has been explained