AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

Something tells me this crowd wouldn’t keep it that simple.

ETA they’d probably insist on half the sentence each.

Eh?? The long term friends made a simple plan for the weekend and Mary is the only one coming up with an endless stream of lame excuses that require her friends to jump through hoops to appease her.

Mary is clearly the cunty fucker here!

If I was the OP, I’d drop Mary at this point and carry on enjoying the weekend girly trips without her from now on.

No-one needs a Mary in the group bringing the mood down.

I'd just send her the £50 and think no more about it tbh.

Mary bought 50 quid worth of luggage, non-refundable.
Mary has decided she no longer wants to use it.
Why should OP give her 50 quid?

Of course, but what a miserable existence!

I didn’t think you could get a refund once you’d paid extra for checked luggage anyway so surely this is irrelevant? Why should you pay extra for checked luggage space that you probably don’t need?

Cancelling a trip because can’t get to the airport is weird though - something else is going on!

Nice.

A taxi to the airport from central London is on about £80 I paid not tbay long ago. The amount of £ she will lose by cancelling the holiday is far more than then that! I travel on the trains to different airports in London every week and only once have I missed my flight due to delays! You just make sure you leave an extra 2 hours on top of the 4 hours you need in case of delays!

Does she live in Central London but won’t get trains or buses??

It is Mary who is choosing not to come and churning out a string of ridiculous excuses. Therefore it is Mary who is choosing not to use her share of the booked hold baggage.

I'd just tell her that the airline are not refunding at this late stage (most usually don't anyway) so the £50 she is asking to have returned won't be available. Then leave it at that to sink in. It would be tempting not to organise holidays with her involved again if she is prone to this much farting about.

To those thinking that £100 for hold baggage is excessive, I understand that it might seem that way. However, this is where many budget (and not so budget) airlines do make some money.

You might initially see a figure of £50, but you have to read the small print. That is for one journey only! Assuming you want to bring your stuff back with you, then you will have to pay a further £50 to add it to the return flight too. So £100 wouldn't be unusual. The amounts can obviously vary considerably from one airline to another, and also on the length of the flight. I remember having to work this out very carefully when my then student DD was getting ready to spend her obligatory year abroad for her course. Six months would be in South America so she would need hold baggage. Factoring in the cost of that for two ways did considerably increase the cost of the already expensive (and apparently no-frills) flights.

Why are you friends with her?

Why are you asking the op if she wants to lose a friendship over a mere £50? Shouldn't that question be posed at the friend who has caused this situation by cancelling her part of the holiday at this late stage?

I'm assuming you never would have booked the suitcase if you didn't have someone to share with and would have just paid for a carry on bag?

In which case, no you don't owe her. As a Londoner, there is a whole array of ways to get to the London airports from anywhere in London and if tubes have cancellations, there will always be alternatives. She would just have to leave earlier to make sure she still gets there. How was she plannning on getting around the destination if she won't go on a bus or pay for taxis?

If the rest of your friends agree with you then just say no. Really sorry it’s not in my budget hope you can make it best time! Then blank.

sounds to be like she’s trying to just get out of the trip

Just tell her you can’t get a refund at this late stage.
But the real question is , do you think the friendship is worth 50 wood or not?

£100 to chek in a suitcase?

Tell her to call the airline and if they will change it to a cabin bag only she can have the refund.

Spoiler alert - they can't and won't do this

Who's voting YABU 😭 why should OP pay double, it's not her fault Mary hasn't organised her finances in time.

Yes?
£50 each way, for a large suitcase in hold luggage, not an abnormal price. Luggage is expensive, I've done several easy jet/Ryan Air flights where the luggage charge cost more than the flight!

Why do you think the OP would exaggerate the cost in an anonymous scenario, what would that achieve?

Yes. Not unusual at all. It would typically cost about £50 each way (assuming you want to also bring your luggage back with you).

Many of us have explained this now. It includes handling costs at airports (each end) plus the actual flight itself.

I would send her the £50 and check out of the friendship.

Do you need a suitcase? Can you do hand luggage.
How was she going to get her stuff to your suitcase anyway

Some friendships are not worth persevering with, she sounds a pain, expecting everyone to run around after her. Why can't she use bus/train to the airport?

Im honestly amazed it costs that much for a suitcase to go in the hold these days but so not the point.

Mary cancelled, Mary doesn't get any money back, if you pay this now, next she'll want the cost of the hotel refunded by you too.

Time to stop holidaying with Mary!

Can I ask - were you doing Mary a favour by going halves with her on the luggage cost?
The reason I ask if because it seems to me you would have been much better off just using hand luggage as your allowance, as you said you were going only for a few days.
What's she saying today?

Do not pay for her luggage. That's her issue, not yours. And not fair for her to put that on you.
Other people saying "to save the friendship, pay it" - how about Mary stops jeopardising the friendship by pushing this on to you.

It looks like Mary's just throwing her toys of the pram because no one can pick her up. When booking the hol in the first place, she should have budgeted for travel.
Also, we all know public transport can be unreliable so that's why she should leave earlier. Also you have to be there five or six hours before the flight anyway, so this wouldn't be an issue.

If she wants to forfeit her place on the trip because she's not willing to pay for herself, then let her get on with it.
If she's that skint, most likely she will be looking for hand outs on the hol anyway