AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

I was asking a question, not accusing op of anything. I have been informed now that it costs £100 and learned something new. I haven't checked in a bag for over a decade and I skip that part when booking a flight.
Quite honestly, this day and age ive become an expert in packing a backpack so I dont have to pay extra for anything 😅

Mary has lost money through cancelling her holiday; the baggage allowance is part of that holiday so she won't be getting that back either. Never share a suitcase with Mary again.

refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those

refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she won’t do those.

She has made this her own problem by being inflexible. She was stupid not to take out travel insurance, which wouldn't get paid out in this case anyway.

Which airport are you flying from? Are the trains really that unreliable?

I haven't flown for 19 years and I still understood that the money was the fee for the suitcase to go in hold. Despite that not being a thing when I last travelled.

Who are you to decide how much luggage people take? I always take hold luggage (though it’s usually included in price). I don’t travel light and cabin bags aren’t enough for my stuff.

Last time I did a long weekend in Morocco I took 15kg -

I don't know why but this reminded me of the sort of answer which would get you a good mark at law school 😂

Great post. Something along the lines of this.

I am completely baffled by the delay issue from Central London. Heathrow Express, Elizabeth Line, Piccadilly Line are all options. Last is least expensive, just allow lots of time. Worst case scenario she misses the plane. Not in a worse situation than she is now. She's cutting her nose off to spite her face. Or in adverse financial situation and can't afford the spending money.
Or has a new boyfriend and wants to spend the time with him, or some other 'better offer'.

Is she usually so high needs?

You can easily put them in eg a big fabric tote bag and then fold that up in the bottom of the suitcase?

Good grief, sharing suitcases, arguing over £50....it sounds like no one can actually afford a holiday. Cancel the baggage, take a carry on, send £50 to your mate.

I don’t understand the whole suitcase scenario. None of it makes sense, especially as you say that she lives quite a distance from you. Also, if she’s a good friend, why wouldn’t you let her stay for just the one night and set off together in the morning? It’s not as if the builders would be working in the evening. I think she likely cancelled because she was tired of hearing ‘no’ when she asked for help. It’s a bit strange given how you’re all supposed to be friends. You and Mary sound like friends, who aren’t really friends at all.

Cancel the baggage, take a carry on, send £50 to your mate

Why would OP need to pay 50 from her own money to Mary because Mary has changed her mind?

why wouldn’t you let her stay for just the one night and set off together in the morning?

OP has not objected to that, but Mary wants OP to drive 4 hours to pick her up.

I would be telling Mary to jog on. Unfortunately as a result of cancelling she will be out of pocket. As you are not cancelling you do not intend to be out of pocket. I would have some sympathy towards her if something untoward had happened it's short notice but her not wanting to travel by bus replacement, train, sleep in the same room as dogs and expecting you to drive to pick her up it's just tough tits for her.

"Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through," what were these travel plans that have thwarted the whole trip?

She couldn't find anyone to drive her?🙄

The cost would have already been paid to the airline for the hold luggage, ie £50 each. OP's friend wants her share back

I would hate to share a suitcase

So Mary can afford the holiday, and the baggage fee, as she's already paid for them.

However, it is now impossible for her to go on this holiday because she's too lazy to make her own way there, too good for public transport, too tight to get a motel room, too god-knows-what to sleep in a free room if there's a dog nearby, and too entitled to realise it's all her own fault.

You are not benefiting from the £50 she paid towards baggage. The airline is. You don't have it. The airline does. You don't owe anybody anything.

She didn't have to concoct this bramble bush of bollocks about why she can't possibly get to the airport. If she wanted to, she'd find a way (or indeed, any of the many many options she's already been given.)

I would send,

“I really don’t know what’s gotten into you here but, you’re being a right twerp. I love you, we all do, but this is just ridiculous behaviour. Get on a bloody bus and come on the weekend away. If you don’t want to, we will miss you and it won’t be the same but we can’t force you. However, I won’t be paying you because the holidays costs were all agreed.”

Right and?
Other than an extended brag about your packing skills I don't see how this is in the slightest bit relevant to op?

You had 1 kilo spare in your bag but were only packing for one person. In order to have saved op money by sharing a CABIN bag rather than a hold bag with Mary she would have had to keep 5kg, i.e half a suitcase, spare.

OP said (in the post you quoted) cabin bag costs £40, large hold bag £50.

5kg isnt very much so it makes perfect sense to double that for only a fiver extra each way.

Besides which Mary would still be asking for her money back (except it would only be £40 rather than £50) so wouldn't make any difference to OPs choice.

If this was men they would be told to fuck off by their mates, probably blacklisted and mocked for life.

(all in jest of course)

It’s not your problem she can’t come OP, I wouldn’t pay her anything and if you are all in a group chat then everyone needs to tell her she’s being unreasonable. If she has only messaged you personally about it then I would reply in the group chat then say wrong chat just so everyone knows then others can comment she’s being unreasonable x

People are going on about the £50, but it isn’t about the money. It’s the principle. This woman is throwing her toys out the pram because nobody will do a four hour round trip to collect her. People are coming up with ideas for how to get here there but there will always be an excuse, she’s expecting to be collected and if she won’t be collected she’s going to cause as much hassle as she can, including asking for money back. She sounds like a nightmare.

Agree. Ages acting like a brat because no one is pandering to her.

The fee for the case, like the rest of the trip, is non refundable. Her choice to cancel, she suffered the consequences