AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

So it’s £100 to check a suitcase on a return journey and she is paying half?

I think ALL the other 4 friends should chip in, so if you each pay £10 then the friend missing out is reimbursed.

It seems crazy she can’t find anywhere to stay overnight, can’t she sleep on a blow up mattress on someone’s bedroom floor upstairs? Surely better than missing the whole trip!

Oh right - makes more sense!

Well, why didn't you read her posts before contributing?

We’ve always shared cases for as long as I remember as it is only £10 more than having a large cabin bag but it also allows for toiletries, etc to be carried more easily. I bring my Dyson airwrap with me and hair straighteners because my hair is very difficult in humid climates (beach holiday), plus beach towels, different shoes etc.

As much as I am enjoying this thread I think the answer is very straightforward.
OP cannot refund Mary’s part of the hold luggage charge because she simply does not have it. Irrespective of anyone’s finances that money has been paid to the airline. If they won’t refund ( which they almost certainly won’t) then OP does not have Mary’s money. There is no reason for OP to pay £50 of her own money to reduce Mary’s loss.
OP have you thought about offering to take Mary’s clothes on holiday with you so she can use the service she’s paid for? 🤣🤣

As a Londoner, I agree! Also "potential" for delays means set off a couple of hours early not "you can't do it."

I also hate coaches and get really sick but if it was that or miss a holiday, I'd do it! She sounds a nightmare.

Cancel the suitcase?

Id say no, you don't have the money to refund. You can always offer to see if the case can be cancelled, take a cabin bag and refund her but if that isn't an option she needs to accept her money is gone and its not on you to reimburse.

What is happening with the cost of her flights and hotel?

I think if you can’t cancel the luggage then Mary has to pay (and you can show her you tried to cancel) but if you can then you should either cancel it or pay the full amount yourself.

Definitely the rest of divide her share and refund her. It’s not your fault that you were the one to share with her!

so 5 of you still going, chuck her a tenner each!

YABU.

If you were all going only Friday to Monday NONE of you needed to buy a checked in bag. Therefore since you did decide to get one, just pay for the suitcase.

Next time don't be daft and don't buy checked in bags.

I can't work out if this is a genuine suggestion or if you're doing a play on "cancel the cheque"
If the second have a 😁

But… Mary does sound a little entitled 😬

I take it that the actual suitcase is old? If so cut it in half and send it to Mary saying that’s her half returned so you are now quits.

But seriously- She is lying to you. That’s no friend. Your relationship is going to fizzle out anyway so you might as well keep your £50 that you don’t actually owe her.

So, Mary doesn't want to get the tube or train in case there's a delay, doesn't want to pay for her own suitcase, doesn't buy travel insurance, doesn't want to stay in a room with a dog and doesn't want to use a hotel by herself.

Much as I wouldn't be refunding her anything, I'd pay £50 NOT to go on holiday with Mary.

Why though? Do you often pay out to your friends who incur costs and then change their minds?

This if you want to keep the friendship, but remember this going forward

Oh, this, this, this, especially offering to take Mary's clothes on holiday 😂

You both sound a bit tight. I’d pay her as now you’ve got a whole suitcase which presumably you’d be doing if Mary wasn’t coming

Maybe she would have paid for a cabin bag if she wasn’t sharing a suitcase.

And what about the 4 hour round trip to pick her up?

if she’d wanted a whole suitcase she’d have paid to check one in. It’s a long weekend, she doesn’t need a whole suitcase.

Hold on, not that it makes any difference to
the refund question but…. Feeling sick when she wouldn’t usually, reluctant to travel, doesn’t want to sleep in less than ideal circumstances, no travel insurance (which in itself is crazy) Does anyone think that Mary might be pregnant?

Ooh - also a reason why she might watch the pennies.

This it seems that in essence 3 suitcases are shared between the group and you are the one she share with

I've just been to Italy for a week with a cabin bag with 10 kg limit. Items included a 4 socket extension, a Revlon hot air brush and straighteners (I have the same hair issues) three adapters for sockets and my electric toothbrush, plus ten "liquids" in clear bags. Only travel size bottles as we were only going for a week. I still had a bit of space and nearly a kilo under the limit in my cabin bag.

I wouldn't be paying Mary a penny, she's elected not to go on this trip so she loses financially. That's what happens when you choose not to go, especially if you don't have travel insurance and it isn't an emergency that's stopping you going. If she takes the hump so be it. Nobody owes her anything, she knows the airline rules as well as anybody else who travels abroad a few times a year. (Also wondering how she copes with public transport for going on those..?)