AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

Rooms and flights weren't mentioned in the OP. I'd not pay for those things. Any other imagined items you want to check with me?

Those who think Mary should somehow be reimbursed I just don’t get why? She is cancelling and it almost doesn’t matter what the reason is (it just so happens it seems very flimsy) but she therefore forfeits all she has spent. Surely?

There always is that potential though, if she gives herself plenty of time she can make it.

I suppose it depends on which airport they are travelling from, which part of London she lives in and the flight time.

We often travel from Manchester airport and always drive or get a taxi because Trans Pennine "Express" are unbelievably awful and unreliable with cancellations and delays.

Exactly to last 2 posters, wonder if you all went out for dinner and Mary didn't like her food, but there was nothing actually wrong with it, would she refuse to pay her bill and.expect everyone else to manage her bill?!

With masking tape so it doesn’t fall apart like Mary’s dumb excuses. What a loser. I would never talk to Mary again. She’s super annoying and causing unnecessary trouble.

I dont think anyone has said Mary deserves to get reimbursed, have they?

There seem to be a few people who think if OP could easily cancel the luggage and manage herself with a cheaper/free luggage option (which i don't think is possible) then OP should reimburse her (because she wouldn't actually be out of pocket herself).

Anyone else who has mentioned refunding her has only suggested it because OP specifically said she didn't want to lose the friendship over this, therefore paying her is the obvious way to ensure that doesn't happen - that's not the same as thinking she should get the money on any moral or logical grounds, only that it's an option available to the OP if she wants to keep the friendship.

I want to vote for the "Offer to take Mary's clothes on holiday (without Mary) so that she can get the service she paid for" option. Just because Mary want's to cancel doesn't mean her clothes should have to miss out.

I wouldn’t pay her anything. It’s her choice not to come on the trip, why should her last minute decision cost you money? I would say I’m sorry you are not coming but if I refund you I will be paying double, and I didn’t budget for that.
She cancels she looses money.

She doesn't want to go on this holiday. None of the excuses add up.

I agree. The OP could offer to pick her up in a diamond encrusted stretch limo and offer her a platinum bed for the night and she’s still find an excuse not to go.

This has killed me😂

Brilliant 🤣 any update from Mary @mummysmagicmedicine?

I can't work out why she can't come ( other than she doesn't want to!) She lives in central London and you live 2 hours away? Which airport are you going from that she can't get there from Central London? Birmingham? Maybe next year after this palaver it would be more sensible for you to fly from your local airport and her to fly from one of the 5 airports in and around London and meet you there?

There's probably a deeper story to this from Mary's POV - she clearly doesnt want to/or can no longer come and might possibly be in great need of the suitcase money - noone knows anyone else's financial situation really, do they?

For keeping the peace and with some 360 thinking I'd pay her the money but I'd be wiser in future.

Enjoy your trip OP.

Why should op be 50 quid down because some sap can't catch public transport?

I appreciate that the thread is about the suitcase ( YANBU) but surely she could travel by train the previous evening to one of your houses and kip on a sofa , then travel in with you the next day ?
if she’s not prepared to do this then she’s choosing to cancel on you all and you do not have to be out of pocket as a result !

OP just curious, what's her reason why she can't take the train to where you live, or at least closer to where you live the previous evening? I'm sure there must be some other thing she can't or won't do.

I think she is making massive excuses not to go in a bid to try and get some money back. Suitcase costs included. She’s not doing as well as you think she is financially.

This is fair and helpful. I paraphrased incorrectly and your interpretation of the reasons are useful to read. Thank you

I think you have to forget about who is right or wrong. Fundamentally you have to decide what you value more £50 or the friendship. I say that without judgement. If she's not a good friend then maybe the £50.is worth more!

FWIW I don't think you owe her the money, but when you're deciding if you should pay or not, what matters is the importance of the friendship.

It sounds like none of you can really afford this weekend if £50 is too much for you and friend can’t afford a hotel or other transport to the airport. How is the weekend going to go with nobody having any money? Is it an all inclusive set up?

Genius, Mary’s clothes have a holiday, love it!

If she won't stay in a hotel on her own she won't get a plane on her own
She needs to grow up

@AngelofIslingtondoubt it because 2 cabin bags are cheaper that 1 hold and the OP likes taking lots of toiletries, air wrap, straighteners, beach towels etc so wants to put a bag in the hold.