Head teacher is a ****

[Parentingisnotfortheweak]

I need to know if I’m just being an asshole parent or if I should further a series of complaints….

after a particularly hard morning trying to get 2 kids (5 and 6) to school, whilst feeding animals, getting myself ready tested me. Youngest refused to get dressed so I did it for him! I had unfortunately put false nails on the night before, and whilst pulling his jumper on (in a rush!) I scratched him. There was no mark, there was no immediate crying. He told me I hurt him- I apologised. We moved on. However once he got to the school he decided he was upset and blanked me. His teacher asked if he was ok, and he told them I punched him in the face!!
head teacher immediately called me at work and threatened me with social services BEFORE asking what the actual scenario was. I was understandably upset so she asked me to come in for a meeting.
I attended - it was like a bloody counselling session, and towards the end she called both kids in and he admitted he lied and I hadn’t punched him but it was an accident. Headtezcher agrees this was all a misunderstanding and will not be reporting me!
whilst I agree that these incidents need looking into - because a child could genuinely be in danger, surely to threaten a parent with social services immediately before investigating is absurd and damn right cruel? (For the record I have never had any involvement with SS, but have heard horror stories so naturally as a parent it worries you!)
she promised me that she would finalise the paperwork an email it over- that has never come.

fast forward 6 months to sports day (I was unable to attend) we were asked to fill out online forms for free school meals so that they could have a packed lunch from the school kitchen. I filled it in for both kids as I knew I wouldn’t be going so wouldn’t be sat with a picnic for them to join me with! BOTH of my children (and various others!) were not provided with lunch- and when approached by a friend of mine twice, the head teacher laughed it off and told her it was the parents fault as they hadn’t filled In the form. - she let both children go hungry after 3 hours of sports!
I immediately sent an email asking for clarification as to what happened and she shot me down saying it’s my fault end of. I explained and she ignored the email for a week. So I re emailed and said I was still waiting- she told me she would facilitate a meeting if needed- still not answer. So at this point I requested the paper work from our prior meeting- which she assured me would be with me by the end of next week (this week now).
I collected my children today to say they were both called into the head teachers office (alone) and were questioned about how happy they were at home and what their mum gets up to at home!!!

AIBU to think wtf?! why are they being questioned AGAIN?!

But there were many teachers present and parents around, like ops friend who knew the kids had no food and didn’t do anything. So even if the teachers didn’t do anything, which I find highly unlikely why didn’t the parents that knew do something? Easy to blame the teachers that stood by and watched but where is the blame for them parents that did the exact same thing?

Yes it was very clumsy- and during the meeting it transpired that she knew nothing about my children. She was ‘surprised ‘ to learn that in 2 years between 2 children only 3 days of school had been missed- and that was because eldest child had scarlet fever- documented via the gp note that was given! She assumed that because my child had accused me of something that I was in this remit of bad parenting- until she actually checked their attendance records in front of me and she nearly fell of her chair!
I don’t understand how I am presenting as a ‘problem’ here? A problem because I attended a meeting with her voluntarily because my child accused me of something that didn’t happen? A problem because I detailed our home life? A problem because i accepted her telling me she would forward the ‘non SS’ paperwork over imminently? A problem because my children weren’t fed during a school event and I asked what happened? A problem because when I was ignored for a week when I asked what happened I was stone walked? A problem because now I am aggrieved and I ask for said paperwork 6 months later I’m told it would arrive at the end of the following week? A problem because since I have asked for said paperwork my children have been called in for a ‘chat’ with the HT- alone! But not once been called in the 6 months prior to asking! But I’m a problem here?!

All schools in England are legally required to have a published complaints procedure. It’ll be there, you’ve just not found it yet.

Oh I found it- it’s published on their site- but there is literally no details on what their procedure is! I have this evening politely requested via the school office if the could send me the updated version (the one on the site is non descriptive and details the previous head who left over 2 years ago!

Firstly- your son needs help. Making up these sorts of allegations is not normal. Pretending your mother punched you and telling the teacher is just crazy.

RE the pack lunches, your son may have forgotten to hand the forms in. The teachers have a limited budget and dont make extra lunches plus have to be aware of any allergies. I would send your kids in with pack lunches next sports day. If he did hand forms in you have a right to complain to the school.

HT probably informed you they may have to inform SS as a prior warning. They are obliged to give the bad upfront news first.

All forms are online Google forms and the HT was given evidence that these forms were filled in and within the time frame!!

Could there have been a glitch in the system maybe? On their end?

I would still be complaining anyway. You filled in the forms on your end.

But please get your son some help.

Next day at school one child tried to ask the headteacher about it in assembly, and wanted to know what a pedo was. We were told not to ever mention that teacher's name at school again. And that was that. Swept under the rug.

You honestly think the right place to have a discussion about a sexually abusive teacher is in a primary school assembly?

Sadly my experience of safeguarding is some referrals are made incorrectly and sometimes are vexticious. And this is with so-called safeguarding leads. Log everything OP, even if it’s retrospectively. Talk with your kids and write down exactly what they say. Ensure all comms written down moving forward and yes I would absolutely escalate this.

There could have been a glitch of course! But whos problem is that?! Who takes responsibility? Parents prove they did what they were asked to do with proof- the school (ht) blame the parents for not filling said form. Regardless of who’s to blame- a little bit of ownership goes a long way! That’s all I want- we can’t change what happened but if the head said- do you know what, what we did didn’t work and I’m sorry! But immediately it’s the parents fault!!

You need to read properly before you blame op.

I wish i do greatly exaggerate….

I realise from another post you just went by what someone told you. I would be asking the teachers yourself what happened before putting in the complaint, as it could’ve been something on your end if they never received it.

Why didn’t you ask the school why the kids didn’t get a packed lunch?

This is from your post when op says she asked the school about her kids not getting lunch.

Well you said all the teachers are wonderful yet you’re blaming the HD a for the mess up with the packed lunches. You weren’t there, took your friend’s word as gospel, said friend didn’t do anything to help get the kids food neither did the other teachers or parents who were around but somehow this is all the HD fault. You don’t seem overly concerned that 20 children didn’t have food including your kids and no one did anything to help the situation, teachers and parents. Odd.

My DD told staff I punched her in the face and they immediately reported me to SS.
I work at a separate school so had to declare, so was suspended straight away. We also respite foster so that all had to be cancelled- it was horrendous.
DD admitted on the same day that I hadn’t punched her at all, never mind in the face, but still they said SS has to investigate.
It was last year and I’m still not over it.

Formal complaint in writing to Chair of Governors and CC Head of Education to boot. Awful behaviour xx

The normal protocol in my LA and most is to take the allegation and action before speaking to parent purely because it could put child in danger if it was true and parent was told.

so I suppose she did right thing there, however I have a autistic child whose now 10 who misinterprets everything so she told school priest slapped her head at mass(catholic achool) he didn’t he patted her head in a blessing, she also told hospital that teachers pushed he off climbing frame when she was helped down and broke her arm(they showed CCTV) some kids are very sensitive to touch but 100% little one needs to be spoken to about truth and how telling truth never gets you in trouble lots of praise for telling the truth etc.

HT sounds like a gremlin but I wouldn’t rock the boat as she now seems to have an issue with you.

hipe you ok not nice situarion

This is awful. I hope your daughter is in therapy now…did she explain why she did such a thing??

You dont need to make a SAR anyway.

If the HT said they would send the record to you, they should have done it. The record should have been contemporaneous (recorded at the time the child made the allegation and the school made a decision not to refer to SS).
I would be very alarmed that the children had been questioned again with no real grounds for it (no bruising or physical marks on the child) (child hadnt reported anything), and that this had happened particularly only after you had made a complaint.

Never mind parenting not being for the weak, neither is posting on mumsnet!

Dont let them get you down about your very young child telling one lie. They readily admitted what happened later... As a child of 6, I was pinched and played a trick on by an older child (she was only 10). I thought it was funny and copied her, and played the trick on a younger child who took it very badly. Got into terrible trouble but have never forgotten it. All part of the learning curve.
Before you do a formal complaint, it might be wise to just ask casually why the children were questioned (did something happen at school, were there further concerns and what triggered them) and see what response you get. Remind the head, by the way, you still havent had the report you were promised on dd, mm, yy. Ask when you can expect it.

Firstly I think the sports day issue and the safeguarding are 2 completely different things that shouldn't be brought together in the same complaint.
On the safeguarding front i can't see she has done anything wrong at all.
The sports day arrangement, I am baffled by. From what I understand it was sports day in the morning, followed by some children sharing a picnic with their parents, whilst the rest of the pupils who didn't have parents there would need to be segregated so they could be supervised by staff whilst they ate their own, or school - provided, packed lunch. Then after this the parents went home.
I do not buy that the kids whose parents were not there, were just milling about chatting to the other parents. I do not believe your friend could have possibly known your child let alone 20 others, had no lunch. Had she form for being abit of a drama queen? Why didn't she call you and tell upu your kids were going hungry. How does she know they weren't fed after she left?
I think you need to email the school and calmly ask them what happened

Did the school ask for those on free school meals to request a meal?

You say that all 5 and 6 year olds get a free meal. This is not free school meals. This is where the problem might lie.

Free school meals = meals provided to children of families from low incomes.
Universal free school meals = meals for all 4 - 7 year olds.

Sounds like they maybe asked for just those on FSM to request not UFSM. If your child only gets UFSM not FSM then that is likely the issue. They sometimes ask for a packed lunch unless your child is in receipt of FSM.

Doesn't make it right that a child missed out but it could explain why you filling the form in was ignored if you are not FSM.

Bringing this back to the HT.
It could be that she has a very poor presence when it comes to talking to adults.
It could be that she is one of the many HTs that do not like to be told that things are wrong and get huffy about it.

See, now you're sounding silly. Why on earth would the head have a detailed knowledge of your children's attendance records? And why would they be surprised to see they've only had a few days off?

You don't like the head. Fine. But your expectations are unreasonable, and any complaint about how he handled the incident where your child stated that you abused him will not be upheld.