Head teacher is a ****

[Parentingisnotfortheweak]

I need to know if I’m just being an asshole parent or if I should further a series of complaints….

after a particularly hard morning trying to get 2 kids (5 and 6) to school, whilst feeding animals, getting myself ready tested me. Youngest refused to get dressed so I did it for him! I had unfortunately put false nails on the night before, and whilst pulling his jumper on (in a rush!) I scratched him. There was no mark, there was no immediate crying. He told me I hurt him- I apologised. We moved on. However once he got to the school he decided he was upset and blanked me. His teacher asked if he was ok, and he told them I punched him in the face!!
head teacher immediately called me at work and threatened me with social services BEFORE asking what the actual scenario was. I was understandably upset so she asked me to come in for a meeting.
I attended - it was like a bloody counselling session, and towards the end she called both kids in and he admitted he lied and I hadn’t punched him but it was an accident. Headtezcher agrees this was all a misunderstanding and will not be reporting me!
whilst I agree that these incidents need looking into - because a child could genuinely be in danger, surely to threaten a parent with social services immediately before investigating is absurd and damn right cruel? (For the record I have never had any involvement with SS, but have heard horror stories so naturally as a parent it worries you!)
she promised me that she would finalise the paperwork an email it over- that has never come.

fast forward 6 months to sports day (I was unable to attend) we were asked to fill out online forms for free school meals so that they could have a packed lunch from the school kitchen. I filled it in for both kids as I knew I wouldn’t be going so wouldn’t be sat with a picnic for them to join me with! BOTH of my children (and various others!) were not provided with lunch- and when approached by a friend of mine twice, the head teacher laughed it off and told her it was the parents fault as they hadn’t filled In the form. - she let both children go hungry after 3 hours of sports!
I immediately sent an email asking for clarification as to what happened and she shot me down saying it’s my fault end of. I explained and she ignored the email for a week. So I re emailed and said I was still waiting- she told me she would facilitate a meeting if needed- still not answer. So at this point I requested the paper work from our prior meeting- which she assured me would be with me by the end of next week (this week now).
I collected my children today to say they were both called into the head teachers office (alone) and were questioned about how happy they were at home and what their mum gets up to at home!!!

AIBU to think wtf?! why are they being questioned AGAIN?!

A five year old will very easily conflate a scratch/hit/punch. They just don't have the full selection of language yet.

My 4.5 y.o would say "he hit me", when I have witnessed the event and I know that the truth is far more nuanced. If I didn't witness it, I ask DC to show me with their hand. And even to demonstrate on me. I then ask whether it was an accident, and very often, the answer is yes.

Sadly parents are guilty until proven innocent. There have been enough evil parents to require this, but it makes it difficult to be trusted with our own kids.

This saddens me as there have also been plenty of evil people in positions of in loco parentis, but they have impunity because of the wonderful DBS check.

I have a relative who was recently jailed for historic child abuse. But he would have passed a DBS right up until the age of 80.

I'm happy that I home educate.

The further through this thread i get, the more I agree with you

Yes, two. I really can’t for the life of me work out the relevance of that here, though. I’m also a teacher, incidentally.

I don't really see what the head has done wrong? The incidents of which you spoke are not connected in any way as far as I can see.

If your relationship with the head/school has broken down to this point it's probably best to switch schools.

Some teachers and parent are truly awful, no denying that. But the idea that all are so awful that no one did anything about it seems extremely far fetched.

If OP knew this first-hand, I might have some more faith in the story but this has come from a child with a propensity for lying and a “friend” who thought it was fine enough at the time to not do anything.

It’s possible the missed children were fed after the lunch break because it took time to put together the extra lunches, for example. It’s possible the five year old was offered a lunch but didn’t like it so refused it and then continued complaining about his hunger… We don’t know but it doesn’t sound plausible that the reality is that this many children were intentionally not fed anything - and dozens of adults all stood merrily by.

I’d be questioning if I got the full story if I were OP.

Concerning you’re a teacher and think it’s okay for another teacher to stand by and watch a child go hungry. But you’re right, I guess not all teachers are saints

I don’t think they were necessarily all awful. I know what sports days are like and they are busy to say the least. Sometimes when there are a lot of people it is easier to miss stuff as everyone assumes someone else will deal with it or is dealing with it.

It is entirely possible it’s all made up. It’s also possible it happened: given the heads actions re social services were in no way reasonable I would tend towards thinking it happened tbh.

That isn’t what I said. I wish there could be something added to the talk guidelines about not inventing things other posters have said. That isn’t even twisting words; it’s just making shit up!

You need to make a formal complaint. The head has it in for you and you need to be careful of that. Make it as soon as possible and don’t back down.

I’d write to the governors aswell.
i think it’s outrageous and I’d be annoyed aswell! I feel it’s overstep and intrusive. She’s the school head not the police. And she also sounds incompetent.
I don’t know why you’ve had any criticism in the responses; I’d also be furious.
best of luck!

To be honest it doesn’t sound like the headteacher trusts you. She doesn’t respect you or like you. She is 100% suspicious of you.

You replied to my post which I said: no teacher would stand by and let this happen. You replied “of course they would” very concerning that as a teacher you know other teachers do this.

Parents should always be informed of a safeguarding referral, unless there is good reason to believe that would lead to a risk of significant harm (eg. Child discloses that mum abuses them and threatens to hurt them more if they ever tell an adult). It is very rare that the threshold to not inform parents is reached, and parents at this level would become aware because a social worker or the police would be involved.

"Looking for problems"? The headteacher let several small children go hungry all day, after playing sports all day. That's cruel. It most definitely is a problem.

’No teacher would abuse a child.’

’of course they would; some have been imprisoned for it.’

’how concerning that you as a teacher know other teachers do this.’

It is making shit up and it really irritating.

Regardless, my first thought isn’t assuming bad, awful teachers. My first thought is busy, frazzled teachers dealing with 101 requests about sun cream, lost hats, water bottles and Miss, billy jones just kicked me again. Something should have gone ahead smoothly re the forms and it didn’t, that isn’t the fault of individual teachers.

Sadly this did happen- and I can not categorically say ALL parents whose children weren’t fed have raised a complaint- but those who have spoken to me- definitely have. However, I can only speak for myself, as I do not know what the outcome is/was for the others. My children sinply were not fed- the child that purposely lies simply said ‘I was not hungry anyway’ to diminish the situation. the head teacher was informed by my friend twice- and shut down by the same person- again I can’t speak for everyone else that it happened to, because my friend was. Purely trying to help my child in a case where she couldn’t immediately provide food for him and me as his parent could not attend and assist. I was only informed after school had finished as I am a working parent - no calls were made to me on my phone or work number to ask to provide food due to an error on anyone’s part.

i have no qualms with the actual teachers- by all accounts they were all busy with the ‘events’. But as I was not in attendance I can’ only go by the facts that I was given.

someone mentioned up thread about this being a case of a single parent- I am unsure if this is the case here? Our school is very eclectic- we have everything from you stereotypical single parent who doesn’t work, has lots of children they struggle to feed, to your high profile, high earning families, with the posh houses and cars- and everything in between. I have always worked, and try to set a good precedent for my children.

to the poster who wrote about someone having a clear DBS check until they were 80- it’s a hard truth! Yes you need a clear DBS to work with children, but that is only true up until the day you take it- someone could commit something abhorrent merely days or weeks after having a DBS and therefore wouldn’t show that is the sad reality. BUT as parents, there are no qualifications, you simply (sometimes not simply I know!!) get pregnant and there you go you have a child- crack on until something happens and your children are removed. Yes I know it’s not as clear cut as that- but that’s the black and white you hear as someone who has never had any involvement.

like I said- maybe I was a bit hasty, but couples with the sports day incident and not following through with promised paperwork I felt my children were being wronged. I will never apologise for advocating for my children- and I will also never apologise for standing up for myself for something that did not happen. I would gladly accept social services looking into our family set up if there was a genuine concern- I have nothing to hide. I get up, take my children to school, go to work, pick everyone up, food, homework. Bath, rinse and repeat. We really are that boring! I would hate to see a genuinely absused child go unnoticed with no support- it was the way that it was dealt with.

if I am wrong then I am sorry-

It was actually 20 kids, and from what op said other teachers and parents let this happen and stood by and watched 20 kids not get fed, including ops friend. I doubt this happened.

OP - was this sports day on the 13th?

No, they weren't.

You should always inform parents of a referral unless doing so would be likely to put the child at increased risk of significant harm.

What generally happens is the DSL contacts the MASH team about the incident who frequently ask the DSL to speak with the parent about their side of things. DSL will then speak to MASH again with what the parent has said.

I never said “no teacher would abuse a child” you would have to be pretty naive to think that. You’re a teacher and you said teachers would stand back and let this happen, and not all teachers are saints - so yes it’s concerning to think teachers that see this happen are not doing anything to stop it or help.

She's heard it from the head too who is blaming the parents. The head hasn't denied the kids weren't fed.

It was actually 11th- so 2 weeks ago. Which is my bad, only felt like last week!

@Parentingisnotfortheweak if a person got a DBS and then was accused of an abhorrent crime, they would be barred from working with children.

What PP meant about DBS is that only known crimes show up. A person can commit horrible acts but be good at hiding it. They would have a clean DBS and be allowed to work with children.

School sports days usually last an hour at most.