Head teacher is a ****

[Parentingisnotfortheweak]

I need to know if I’m just being an asshole parent or if I should further a series of complaints….

after a particularly hard morning trying to get 2 kids (5 and 6) to school, whilst feeding animals, getting myself ready tested me. Youngest refused to get dressed so I did it for him! I had unfortunately put false nails on the night before, and whilst pulling his jumper on (in a rush!) I scratched him. There was no mark, there was no immediate crying. He told me I hurt him- I apologised. We moved on. However once he got to the school he decided he was upset and blanked me. His teacher asked if he was ok, and he told them I punched him in the face!!
head teacher immediately called me at work and threatened me with social services BEFORE asking what the actual scenario was. I was understandably upset so she asked me to come in for a meeting.
I attended - it was like a bloody counselling session, and towards the end she called both kids in and he admitted he lied and I hadn’t punched him but it was an accident. Headtezcher agrees this was all a misunderstanding and will not be reporting me!
whilst I agree that these incidents need looking into - because a child could genuinely be in danger, surely to threaten a parent with social services immediately before investigating is absurd and damn right cruel? (For the record I have never had any involvement with SS, but have heard horror stories so naturally as a parent it worries you!)
she promised me that she would finalise the paperwork an email it over- that has never come.

fast forward 6 months to sports day (I was unable to attend) we were asked to fill out online forms for free school meals so that they could have a packed lunch from the school kitchen. I filled it in for both kids as I knew I wouldn’t be going so wouldn’t be sat with a picnic for them to join me with! BOTH of my children (and various others!) were not provided with lunch- and when approached by a friend of mine twice, the head teacher laughed it off and told her it was the parents fault as they hadn’t filled In the form. - she let both children go hungry after 3 hours of sports!
I immediately sent an email asking for clarification as to what happened and she shot me down saying it’s my fault end of. I explained and she ignored the email for a week. So I re emailed and said I was still waiting- she told me she would facilitate a meeting if needed- still not answer. So at this point I requested the paper work from our prior meeting- which she assured me would be with me by the end of next week (this week now).
I collected my children today to say they were both called into the head teachers office (alone) and were questioned about how happy they were at home and what their mum gets up to at home!!!

AIBU to think wtf?! why are they being questioned AGAIN?!

Our sports day ran from 9-1

Oh i agree- sorry my post didn’t come across as agreeing with what they said! I just meant that it only covers them up until the day the DBS is requested- the people who requested the check doesn’t get further updates IF the person was to go onto commit crimes. But yea agree if the person is able to hide their crimes they can absolutely continue to work with children/vulnerable people until those crimes are discovered. Sorry for not being clear

In 15 years plus of teaching, I can count on one hand colleagues who 'lie, manipulate, or pick on kids.' And I'd have some fingers to spare.

I'm not underpaid (£52k) and I don't consider myself a hero either, but I do a useful job to the very best of my abilites, not made easy by some (not all!) parents.

I work in early years and I really wish the primary schools would sort themselves out with things like this - you do not leave children with out lunch - doesn't matter who's fault, what parents should have done, you just don't do it. We have had parents forget the packed lunch, they get a phonecall asking if they can bring something down and if they are too far away the kids get a jam sandwhich, peice of fruit and a biscuit. Its always a one off or occasional thing, parents are usually very embarrased so we tell them it's not a problem and they always remember going forward.

Not the best lunch ever that we provide but why an earth would you let a child in your care have nothing? That's neglect from the person caring for them at lunch time not the parent and if your OK with that you shouldn't be working with kids. Rant over but I could go on, the fact they also let a lot of kids sunburn in primary schools disgusts me, primary kids are still little and should be properly cared for while in school.

Now where I work, if a child forgets their packed lunch of course they have the school meal. Never been an issue.

I can’t help but agree with you- I am pleased you are not underpaid (most teachers are!) and MOST teachers do a wonderful job. As I said, my dilemma is not with the teachers- every single one I have dealt with at the school has been wonderful, completely engaged with every child, knowing all of their perks, and working with them and their parents. Unfortunately it is the senior(s) that are the issue. If there is one?! It is not even ‘what’ has happened I suppose. Ita more how it has been handled. As I’ve said before, we are all human and make mistakes, but ownership is what makes you a person. Accountable for things- happy to admit where you’ve gone wrong and learn from it.

Honestly ive had the most awful experiences of teachers - I've just been unlucky enough to see what happens to vulnerable kids and how some teachers behave

Its great that you've had this experience though, a good teacher can make such a difference

YANBU she sounds horrific! I think you need to contact your LEA and clearly explain everything that's happened, your concerns and that you feel you're being targeted.

“Zero trust for teachers” sounds like this poster is projecting. Surely you can say that about any profession, not all nurses and doctors are going round killing patients the same as police officers. Not all priests abuse kids not all people in government are corrupt useless overpaid twats

That's how it should be, it seems what happened in OPs situation is an entire staff of the school let a child go hungry which is absolutely disgusting. We have to give the rubbish lunch because we are a preschool so are packed lunch only so have to put a lunch together from the snack and breakfast food if it comes to it!

I think I would be very concerned that the HT has taken your children into her office to question them about what their mum does at home,

Surely it cannot be standard practice that a headteacher bring children into her office and solicits a disclosure?

I think I would take this further, via the governors.

YANBU - she sounds awful

That's how it should be, it seems what happened in OPs situation is an entire staff of the school let a child go hungry which is absolutely disgusting. We have to give the rubbish lunch because we are a preschool so are packed lunch only so have to put a lunch together from the snack and breakfast food if it comes to it!

If you want to complain then complain, via the complaints policy at the school. Or stick it on social media.
seriously, use the complaints policy.

Sigh. I know you didn’t. I was making the point that acknowledging something does / can happen doesn’t mean condoning that fact.

I couldn’t agree more- as parents we are trusting the teachers, to look after them. I provide everything I can for my children to go to school- but I am absolutely a human being- I have been known to forget a water bottle as we are walking into school - I have no time to run back home, but I could if necessary- I explain to the teacher- oh fine- we have cups in the classroom they won’t go without. My children always have their own sun cream- oh one of them has decided to put extra sun cream on in the car and left it on the seat- I haven’t noticed- school call to tell me- oh cool my bad for not checking I’ll make sure it’s in their bag, but please use their siblings for today.
one time(I forgot about this but makes me chuckle as my kid is ALWAYS HUNGRY!!) when my child had just started school so had just turned 4, he said they hadn’t eaten breakfast- they had In fact eaten 2 different cereals in one bowl, a crepe and had asked for a snack on the way to school- thanks for checking- but he is indeed not starving! - if you want to give him an extra snack feel free,
he is just chancing what he can get because he knows you have a load of fruit in your room - and he will happily eat it all!!

I agree- but on the school website there is no complaints procedure- just a letter that says complaints are welcome- signed off by the previous head teacher - who left over 2 years ago.

I put my hands into my kids summer dress (blazer and cardie underneath), to pull out the lapels and straighten it up. DD looked like Lurch with all the layers bungled up. I was accused of punching DD in both shoulders. I mean WTF?

every single one I have dealt with at the school has been wonderful, completely engaged with every child, knowing all of their perks, and working with them and their parents.

And yet you’re saying those same wonderful teachers let 20 children go hungry? Regardless of what the head teacher did or didn’t say a “wonderful teacher” wouldn’t let one child in their class miss lunch never mind 20.

Hi
I’m assistant headteacher and safeguarding lead in a school. The headteacher leading with a social services referral is a clumsy way to initiate the conversation no doubt, however what will be important to her is the safety of the children not your feelings. With regards to children being questioned - the school are within their rights to do this, and speaking to children directly is good practice. I would have no problem with the school speaking to my children if they felt something wasn’t okay. The teacher allowing your children to go hungry is not okay. Even if it was your ‘fault’ to allow a child no food is not acceptable. However you seem quite a demanding parent and you have to realise how many other parents and children the headteacher is managing - if you’re presenting as a problem you will be treated as one.

Not just one child but around 20-
a rubbish lunch is better than no lunch, so please don’t kick yourself about that!
if I had genuinely forgotten to fill in the form, I would fully accept that my children would go hungry that day- and if the school couldn’t provide them with anything that is completely on me! It is the fact that despite being given evidence that my children required a meal(packed lunch) that day- even though the school would have fed them on any ordinary day (it was because it was sports day!) it just baffles me. To then project the blame onto me (and other parents but I can’t speak for them).

Did the kids lie about not receiving any lunch?

But at no point did you condone the behaviour of the teachers and parents who let the kids go hungry. If someone from my profession acted unprofessionally I would call out the behaviour rather than make passive comments like “of course the teachers would stand by” doesn’t really give teachers a good name does it especially on a parenting website where parents are going to be anxious about their kids going to school.

Because it wasn’t 20 kids from one class- it was across the whole school- and I can not speak for what the other parents did. Mt friend approached the head twice to explain the situation about my children- it was only after speaking to other parents that there were lots of others in the same situation.

I'd be putting something in in writing, keeping it all factual. That way, there's a record and a paper trail, as it does seem like this incompetent HT has it in for you now at this point. Could very well be bias against you as a single parent.

The reason I say to get it in writing, is I'd imagine at some point, she'll end up reporting you to social services, just because she can. So if/when you get that call/knock on the door, you can say you feel it is a malicious referral as you've been having issues with her, and can show them a copy of the complaint you've made against her.

In terms of safeguarding, you are right, she was wrong to just threaten you with social services without speaking with you, as your son has NO injury to his face to back up being "punched in the face". She sounds like a complete dick, and to be honest, I'd be looking at changing schools, OR doing everything you can with you and other parents to make complaints for them to hopefully get rid of her altogether.