Wedding gift list asking for cash

[Liveandletlive25]

How much is normal to give?
We’re a family of 5 going to the whole wedding.
Thanks

I prefer not to be asked for money but always do give money and in preference to a wedding list. Wedding lists are not my thing at all.

At my own wedding we asked for no gifts. We did still receive presents and cash. I think that’s a nicer way to do it. Spend what you can afford on the wedding and everything you receive is a bonus. We were not young marrying and did not need starter home type things.

That’s not the done thing. A family of 5 would cost about £300-£500 depending on venue

We went to a wedding where the couple asked for guests favourite book. I thought that was lovely and not grabby

If you prefer not to be asked for money but prefer to give money over a wedding list, why do you prefer not to be asked for money? Surely that’s a win for everyone. Couple gets what they need and you don’t have to put much thought in to the gift

Funeral and weddings are where I noticed the big differences culturally!

^ in such circumstances, or if people have traveled and incurred a lot of expense to attend, absolutely not.

That’s fair if the couple have never given gifts to your DP or kids, but if they’ve bought eg a decade of Xmas presents for your kids then it’s different!

Answers on this thread are all over the place because so many factors influence

• culture
• income levels
• how much hospitality the couple are offering (no meals etc)
• travel costs
• how close you are
• what the couple/their parents have given you and your family over the years

I wouldn’t expect much from a single younger or older person, but a family of 5 I think I would expect more from than a single all things being equal.

Just like if I go to a friends house for dinner alone I take a bottle of wine, if I go with DP I take the same bottle of wine & he will bring a pack of beers or some flowers or similar

No, that’s not the done thing in the UK. Is it an American idea?

Your gift is totally unrelated to the cost of the meal or the wedding.

£100

It's a wedding not a stay in an Airbnb. £250 is ridiculous.

All joking aside, £150 for five at the Harvester would be a bargain for a three-course meal and drinks.

This whole thread is really quite bizarre. So many posters arbitrating over what is worthy and what is not. Isn’t gift giving just about giving what someone would be delighted to receive? Nothing to do with apportioning some weird moral worthiness to money or things. Imagine genuinely thinking it’s less tacky to give a ‘£10 towel’ as opposed to £10 cash…..I’ve got news for you….

OP- give whatever you can afford and want to give. Your B&G want you there to celebrate and will appreciate it is an extra on top of what you’ve already spent to be there.

DOI- I had a very expensive wedding for a very small number of guests with a free bar. Most guests gave monetary gifts from £20-£2000. Two gave us an expensive tasting menu vouchers. A few gifted nothing but paid to stay over. We wouldn’t have cared either way- we were just so privileged and happy to have the day to share.

I would just give what you can afford OP. There’s no right or wrong.

I don’t get the mentality of thinking it is grabby to ask for cash. I think it is more grabby asking for items. They’re not going to be cheap and people might not be able to afford the price. With cash you can give as much or as little as you want or none at all.

A couple getting married expecting cash and taking the huff if they don’t get it is grabby. But, if you are invited to a wedding usually it is because you are one of the couples nearest and dearest so most likely will WANT to get them something. Most couples live together before getting married so don’t need anything. Giving cash is way easier and is what I’ve given at every wedding I’ve gone to. I’d rather someone use it towards something they want.

They prefer paying for a toaster.

Answers on this thread are all over the place because so many factors influence

I disagree
culture yes. In UK the idea of covering your plate or making a large monetary donation is not traditional, so is irrelevant
income levels yes, same as as any gift or event. Nobody should feel they ought to give more than they can comfortably afford
how much hospitality the couple are offering (no meals etc) Irrelevant
travel costs Irrelevant
how close you are yes, this is really the only significant factor
what the couple/their parents have given you and your family over the years irrelevant. It's a standalone event.

Depends on your budget really!
Also what’s normal in your circles / culture.

I notice that posters are quite cheap / British people are quite stingy when it comes to family and gifts.

If the couples asked for mlney towards sofa, would people still rock up with ranrom items or would that be ok because it's not for honeymoon?

^ I absolutely disagree with you! All of these factors are totally relevant

By culture: I mean the culture of the bride & groom which has shaped their own gift giving to you/your family

And how is a wedding a ‘standalone event’?! You are invited due to the ongoing relationship with B&G

My answers are shaped by 3 decades of attending weddings in many countries & cultures - and also listening to what the B&G have had to say after the fact!

Only if you see gift giving as some kind for balanced, transactional arrangement.

I don't. We will have spent plenty of money as a family on birthday and Christmas presents for my niece and nephew by the time my DC get married. If ny niece thought she should pay extra as a wedding gift to my daughter, her cousin, because as a family we've spent money on her in the past that would be silly. That seems to be what you're implying about previous family money having been spent and how it should be a factor.

I'm sure nobody factored in anything other than how close they are to us and what they wanted to give if they chose to give us a wedding gift and I'd be mortified if there were any other factors they had considered.

The trick was using a venue without a wedding licence as they over inflate the prices, not the using a church bit. Can substitute church with registry office and same idea would apply.

Way too much

I know it’s not Alton towers and I understand that you’re not covering the cost of attendance but I’d say £50 is on the low side
Each to their own obviously.
Dont spend what you can’t afford.

£250+

the gift isnt to cover the cost of the wedding, it is for their life afterwards
i think £5 is perfectly reasonable - you can buy nice gifts from Fortnum and Masons

🤣 reception held at the local harvester made me laugh!
my children are only 6,5&5, but will rethink £150 moving forwards… especially as my much younger cousins keep having very posh weddings!