Wedding gift list asking for cash

[Liveandletlive25]

How much is normal to give?
We’re a family of 5 going to the whole wedding.
Thanks

But that is what is usually done. As already said, people don’t want presents because they have already set up home.
My adult children made it very clear that no present at all was expected but if people wanted to give a small amount of money they could. They obviously worded it better than that.
I always prefer to give money as I am hopeless with presents. As I am older, I only get invited to family weddings and as our mortgage is paid, I can be generous but I don’t think people expect you to give loads if you are bringing up a family.

I always wonder if the people who think cash is grabby or gift lists are tacky ended up with multiple kettles? If you don't specify constructive, you get a kettle from me with a cheesy note about how well be able to have a cuppa together.

I'd probably give £100-£150 if cash is asked for - I understand many people already have a kettle when they get married these days. I can afford it and to be honest if I don't really like the couple I tend to decline the invite rather use the gift as some sort of punishment for inviting me.

I'd do £25 a head or maybe round down to £100 for 5 of you or round up if all pretty much adults. I really don't think there's a right amount. If you can't afford that you definitely don't have to give it.

I don't think you need to cover your plate specifically but handing over £100 (for example) as a present does feel a lot to me so I tend to justify it in my head by equating it to what I might spend on a basic meal out.

Over the last 20 years Ive only been to one wedding where there was an actual registry. Every other wedding has been cash/framed as contribution to honeymoon. Perhaps it was trashy 2 decades ago but customs and practices evolve and we all have to move on!

Close relative -£150
good friend - £100
everyone else £50
night do £30

True - although I don’t think anyone in Ireland asks for cash (I’ve never seen it), but it is just the norm so probably not much need to state it. Cultural context matters through - if it’s a family of five (with three kids), I think 250 would be normal in Ireland, if kids are adults, 500, as you would assume they would give their own gifts. It might be more helpful to check with local friends and family to think what is typical wherever you live.

I’m very happy for people to ask for cash, ideally in a tasteful, non-cheesy way. Most people don’t need more stuff and cash is very practical. Nearly everyone who goes to a wedding expects to bring a gift. I’d rather know what sort of gift is preferred. We got a bloody hookah pipe as a wedding gift. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I would have just preferred the £30 or something from the gift list.

For a family of 5, probably £100-200 depending on how well we knew them. But only if you can afford it. We had people give us £20. Other people gave us like £12 items from our gift list. It was very appreciated and we were just glad they came.

I totally disagree, not grabby at all, lots of people put it towards a honeymoon, better to have experiences not things! Especially as almost all couples getting married have been co-habiting for a while. They’ve invited 5 of you and your getting snippy about the present? Maybe don’t go and save them the money, failing that £50pp is what I give, but if you’re on a budget… £30pp?

I hate this too, but it's normal now, so I give in. I think the amount you give depends on your relationship - it shouldn't just be "paying for your plate", which is very tacky. So for my godson's wedding recently, we gave a generous amount, because we love him dearly. But I also made him and his wife a small, personal gift, comprised of photos and letters from the groom's childhood - which they loved.

Of course, if your finances are tight, you should only give what you can afford.

It wouldn't matter to me if it was just my husband and I or with the children attending also but I would say £70-100 for close friends/family.

£100 per person going

^ agree, I’d say £250 assuming it’s 2 adults & 3 kids. You still would not be covering the costs of hosting you (and I believe the etiquette is ‘pay for your plate’ so cover your costs for food/drink at least)

It’s so normal in other cultures. It’s wasteful to end up with 5 toasters or other home gifts that you will never use.

If kids are little then £100. If kids are teens or adults then maybe £150.

Couldn’t edit but wanted to add: obviously depends on what they/their family if they are a younger generation gave on your wedding, if they bought christening/bday gifts for your kids etc… If the whole family is invited I’m assuming they are either family or close/longstanding friends

Since when has "covering your plate" been expected?

Don't people realise that (apart from very close family) it's the guests who are doing the marrying couple a favour by attending, not the other way around. What with inconvenience, annual leave, the cost of travel, accommodation, clothes and more often than not the hours of sheer bloody boredom, if anything they should be paying us.

Someone up thread suggesting £250, wtaf?!

I don’t think it’s grabby at all tbh. The majority of people are going to want to give a gift, and I’d much rather give cash so they can get what they want, rather than buy something they won’t use from a gift list because they felt pressure to put enough stuff on there!

The flip side of not requesting how you want to be gifted, is everyone freaking out about what to give/what you’ll want/asking you loads of questions and giving both parties extra stress. If they say they want cash - if you want to gift, give cash, if you don’t, don’t. No budget restrictions, no leaving it too late and only having expensive options left. Everyone can give exactly what they can afford/want to give.

whatever you think the food is per head imo.

when People say they don’t like people asking for money…does it not go without saying that people will bring gifts to a wedding? surely you’re not going to turn up to a wedding empty handed? Wouldn’t you rather money going to good use, rather than buying them some random crap they don’t need or want?!

Look I don’t disagree but I couldn’t, with every fibre of my being, ask people for money.

As far as I’m concerned the only acceptable gift list is no gift list at all. I think it’s grabby AF to ask for anything. You wouldn’t as an adult do it for your birthday or Christmas so why weddings

It’s me, hi, I turn up at weddings empty handed

Family members £100 or so, others 50-70.

This covering your plate thing is a really horrible idea that needs to get right in the sea.

Why would you base your gift on what their own budget was for their wedding? Would you really feel obliged to spend much more on someone you're not that close to who had a wedding at a five star hotel than your best friend because she chose to have a low-key buffet in the pub?

I am really surprised people turn up empty handed! Would you turn up empty handed to a birthday party?
Of course not! It’s a special day and you are being catered for. While I appreciate you don’t need to cover your food, you should still bring a gift!

Well I doubt you’ll be invited to someone’s wedding you’re ‘not that close to’. Unless the bride and groom have mountains of money to waste, in which case, just turn up with nothing. And be a free loader. Why not 🤷‍♀️

I've been invited to weddings of people I'm not super close to. I base my gift value on how close we are, not on how much they've chosen to spend. That isn't being a freeloader.

I'd hate to think anyone spent any time trying to work out how much per head our wedding was and trying to compensate us the same amount. It's a horribly transactional way to think about it.