Wedding gift list asking for cash

[Liveandletlive25]

How much is normal to give?
We’re a family of 5 going to the whole wedding.
Thanks

Reading your update how about £50?

Why is cash any more grabby than a gift list?

We specifically told people we did not want gifts. Any gifts at all. People contacted my mum to see what they could get me as we had no gift list, and she told them vouchers for our honeymoon if they really wanted. A few people kicked off about that, saying it was grabby and we ended up with champagne glasses, a whisky decanter, and some really shit ornaments which all went to charity. What a waste of time and money!

It’s easier giving a gift which they don’t know cost off as it doesn’t make anyone feel pressured in to giving more than they can afford and let’s be honest most people probably will pay more than comfortable with because don’t want to appear stingy.

That's true, because everyone gives money without prompting I suppose!

Those suggesting cash amounts, thanks! I think I’d give £50, & think of a … unique .. something to gift also… but no idea what 🤣

We asked for nothing or money for honem.

Still ended up with 3 silver "our wedding" frames😭

Cash is really easy. It's common in so many places and NOONE is going to be shitty or judgy if you give fiver or fifty. If they are, you shouldn't have been at their wedding anyway because they woild be terrible people.

Thanks all. I really dislike giving money as never know what to give!...They’re a lovely couple , not grabby or anything, & already made comments on how they don’t want people to feel obligated to spend a lot...I do want to get a decent present, but just can’t afford an extortionate amount because already paid a lot

If they are genuinely lovely, and I'm sure they are, then giving a smaller amount won't upset them or make them think badly of you. If it does upset them then aren't the lovely couple you think they are and their bad opinion is therefore no loss.

£50 is fine. It's a perfectly nice amount and there's no need to try and find an additional gift that there's every chance they won't like anyway. Don't overthink it.

£50 for 5 of you, really?

Don't get a gift as well if they didn't want gifts.

Just listen to the people who are at the receiving end please. Make everyone's life easy

but the gift more than likely will be up for resale or given to charity if they don't need it. why waste that ?
my mother also detests giving money always gives a present no matter what we tell her. she was disgusted to see one couple had her present up on Facebook market place so soon after the wedding so finally has coped on not to give presents

It's not for 5 people. It's for a couple and from one family unit. A gift is a nice thing to take to a wedding, if it's an obligation of a certain amount it stops being a gift.

If a couple have an expectation of a specific amount and judge any of their guests for not meeting that amount they are arseholes.

Amen

Except we all know the general cost of eg a photo frame or kettle. And it’s very easy to just google an item and see it was £12.99.

I think the Op said there were 5 of them attending? It’s a full day so wedding breakfast, bar, evening food, dance. I think that’s a bit mean but maybe I’m not being realistic.

I suppose it does depend what costs are to get there and outfits etc.

It's not Alton towers.

It's not mean not to pay cover/ticket for party you were invited to. It's actually really weird "rule" some people peddle

Yes. A family of 5. It's still from them, not for them. It's for the couple. You don't make a gift proportional to the event. That's when it stops being a gift and becomes a transactional obligation. There's nothing mean about giving a gift of £50 and the length of the event is entirely irrelevant.

@Catsandcheese It's not pay as you go, it's a gift.

You are highlighting what the problem with cash is - expectations.

Some people have expectations that guests will pay for themselves.

That never happened with a gift.

It costs a fortune to attend a wedding.

Outfits, travel, childcare (if childfree) accommodation, hair, loss of earnings (for some), hen do/stag do costs.

So if you're looking at a transactional thing - I would say if the costs of food/wedding for a family of 5 is £300-500, then I would say that is less than the costs above. So no gift needed - and yet people still offer one.

That's because a gift is by it's name something you choose to give, to celebrate the event, not to repay a debt.

I would be very shocked if a family of 5 gave only £50 as a wedding gift, it’s barely the cost of a round of drinks!

Forget about a unique wedding gift and up the amount

If you want to give something unique, a baby item offers more potential in just a few months

@thrive25 For many families, who have already paid out for attending the wedding £50 may represent most of their weekly food budget.

Would you rather they starve to give more?

Spot on.

We spent the wedding gift money on a beautiful hand made bed and new telly. So pure joy for every pound we gratefully received.

@Liveandletlive25 sounds like you're martyring yourself here. No one is making you attend the hen. No one is forcing you to buy new outfits for your family.

Your lovely friends are getting married, they want you and your family there and have politely asked for the most useful, less wasteful, easiest present of all.☺️

Why are you making your life harder than it needs to be?😏

So what if it’s the same price as a round of drinks?
If I go to a family wedding, I’m buying a gift on behalf of myself, my partner and our kids. I don’t buy a more expensive present because I’m buying for all 4 of us - it’s still just me paying for it.

£50 is a perfectly acceptable amount to spend on a gift for someone and so the cash equivalent should also be sufficient.

I would be very shocked if a family of 5 gave only £50 as a wedding gift, it’s barely the cost of a round of drinks!
Irrelevant. It doesn't matter if it's a 20th of the cost of each invitee's meal or 20 times it. The cost of a round of drinks at the wedding or anything else the couple have chosen to spend is absolutely nothing to do with the amount of a gift.

I'm making big assumptions here, but it's mad the difference in culture between Ireland (we seem to be the same North and South) and what I'm assuming is mainland Britain (or is it just England?), when we're such close neighbours. The clutching of pearls about being asked for money, it's almost like the gift is not actually about the recipient and what they want, but about the giver and what they think the couple should get whether they want it or not.
In Ireland it's generally cash or a voucher for somewhere generically useful (big department store, etc) and it's generous because it's about setting the couple up, plus helping cover the cost of a wedding, which is often also a bit of a family or community event. For younger people it's kind of an exchange of money as they go to each other's weddings and for older relatives and family friends it's a way to help out the younger generation. Younger guests (students etc.) wouldn't be expected to contribute in the same way. It would also be totally understood that people in trickier financial situations would gift less, there wouldn't be any judging - unless of course it was someone very well off who came, ate, drank and made merry and only gave a tiny gift.
At my wedding we got most cash which was very welcome, and then some random gifts which are still up in the attic 15 years later because I can't bring myself to get rid of them, but they'll never be used or displayed. I'm grateful for them, but sorry for the gift givers that it didn't get turned into something more meaningful - like the Le Creuset pots I bought and we still use all the time, the nice table settings that come out every Christmas, the very extravagant honeymoon meal myself and my husband had that I'll never forget, etc.