To think “non-binary” is becoming a fashion statement for some people rather than a true identity?

[ByPoliteExpert]

Not saying it’s not real but the aestheticisation of it is creeping in.

Non binary has no legal recognition in this country and anyone who claims to be so is a navel gazing narcissist.
Noone has a gender but everyone has a sex

Hear hear

Where can I find these rules?

I don’t think it’s inherently negative for more people to feel safe exploring identity, on the contrary, that’s progress. But my concern is more about when something becomes a trend first and foremost, a sort of curated aesthetic or social badge, rather than a genuine internal identity.

When that happens, it can risk trivialising what it means for people who’ve had to really wrestle with their gender identity or face stigma for it. So it’s not about gatekeeping but about acknowledging that performative trends can sometimes blur the lines and make it harder for the deeper realities to be seen or respected.

Yes, but while the narratives are set and established most men and women live in a complicated mix between the these societal opposites and typically call the mixture of interests, likes and strengths personality.

Building an identity between the two modes isn't a radical proposition, it's entirely normal - and entirely healthy- to find a comfortable spot between Barbie and Action Man, the only thing which is different - as of two minutes ago - is to elevate personality to the reflection of an inner soul and the insistence that you are uniquely trapped between two worlds.

It's an aesthetic and a narrative - the idea that some people are really non binary and some are just playing at it is mad - no one is genuinely non-binary because ... it's.not.a.real.thing.

Can you explain what a gender identity is? Does it relate to sex stereotypes by any chance?

Especially when it’s adopted in a trendy or aesthetic way that can dilute or overshadow what being non-binary actually means for many

Non-binary is silly IMO, but, if you’re a believer, it can’t not be a “true identity”, can it? People are who they say they are blah blah, and who are you to say who is a true enby? My hope is that everyone says they’re non-binary, right up to hoards of pensioners - because once it’s too common, all these people will have to find another ‘aren’t I so special’ label to substitute in lieu of developing an actual personality.

The truth is, it was always a silly, superficial label. Nobody conforms to all the gender stereotypes associated with their sex - nor do they have to. I find it very sad when young people like a teen girl I know think that having short hair makes them not a woman/girl.

I think personality is broader - it’s your temperament, traits, quirks, and how you move through the world. Gender identity is more specific: it’s how someone internally understands themselves in relation to gender (male, female, both, neither, etc) regardless of how they act or dress.

It’s not that gender identity is inherently performative - more that people often express it through appearance, language, or behaviours. But the core identity itself is internal, not a performance. When it becomes only about aesthetic or image, that’s when it can risk being seen as surface-level or trendy, which is what I was reflecting on.

@ByPoliteExpert good point above. I have a friend with a son with autism who will never ever be able to live independently. He is totally unable to function in society and is soon to go into residential housing. She has dedicated her life to him much to the detriment of her own well being and health. She has had to fight for absolutely everything for her son. I know she gets frustrated at the fact autism has become so ‘mainstream’ - prepared to be flamed for poor language. I do see her point as she feels it has been trivialised into day to day language and life.

In a few years we’ll look back and say how was that nonsense permitted. It must be so terribly confusing for teens, all these labels etc.

That's the nature of fiat identity. It's not rooted in objective fact.

I am whatever I say I am - and it can't be falsified.

I'm a woman and don't really know what feeling womanly feels like, I'm sure it must feel different for everyone .To be honest, I don't even really think about it, I sometimes feel sad , angry, happy but womanly 🤷‍♀️Did I feel more manly when I managed to do a bit of plumbing ? It didn't cross my mind, just pleased the toilet flushed properly!

In Sexism.

The whole gender identity nonsense has gone way too far and it’s about time it was rolled back. And I don’t want men in dresses in women’s spaces.

You’d be amazed. Unfortunately too many women are determined to remove the fundamental basis for women’s rights (ie. you need to admit that a woman is an adult human female) and like to bully anyone who tries to tell them their mistake.

I can only imagine having a 'gender identity' as a bit like having a faith/ religion... I don't have one, other people do to varying degrees, some are quite private about it and for some they are convinced they have one, everyone needs one and that it is (in some cases) strong enough to base their whole identity and personality and place in society around it and defending it...

I wouldn't date someone who adhered strictly to religious rules but I support their right to practice their religion, celebrate their observances etc.

I think there are many things you can apply this to though. For example, people are fascinated with diagnosing themselves under neurodivergence and mental health angles (and that is deeply controversial because absolutely a lot of people need that support) but I feel there is this societal need now to be able to explore every feeling and put down on paper exactly who you are and wear that with pride. We no longer ‘just are’, we have to label every part of ourselves.

Not quite. Most people don’t conform to every gender norm but still identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Being non-binary isn’t just about breaking norms, it’s about not identifying as male or female at all or identifying outside the traditional binary altogether.

So while lots of people express themselves in gender-nonconforming ways, that doesn’t necessarily make them non-binary. The difference lies in identity, not just behaviour or style.

You’re describing what I would call personality, or likes and dislikes, there. So no, I don’t think of being “girly” as an identity. And agree with those who’ve pointed out we are all non binary, in the sense of not conforming to every societally created gender stereotype. I don’t really understand the whole “identity” thing anyway. I don’t think it can be a coincidence that it has risen in line with social media use and people thinking that it is important how they define themselves to the world. Not realising that most people don’t care, and that we are all made up of many different facets.

You are selling your bias here. This isn't a truthful description. Gender is expectation bollocks.

Sex. Observed at birth.

Does your 20 year know that they have a sex which is either make it female and that’s the important attribute when navigating life?

Your 20 year old appears to have been listening to the wrong people. Hopefully he or she will get over it. I wish you both all the best.

So non binary is regressive in that people who are non binary, instead of smashing gender norms and expanding the bandwidth of what it is to be a woman or a man, prefer to claim to be something other?

They’re not a formal rulebook, more a set of social normal that are taught, modelled and reinforced from childhood - through media, education, religion, family, and culture. For example, things like “boys don’t cry/women should be nurturing/men should be the breadwinners” aren’t laws but they’re expectations that shape how people are treated and how they learn to behave. What’s seen as masculine or feminine varies over time and place, which is why gender is considered socially constructed.

Especially when it’s adopted in a trendy or aesthetic way that can dilute or overshadow what being non-binary actually means for many

You mean like when non-christians celebrate christmas and easter or sing hymns? How is that 'diluting' anything?

If you truly believe that non-binary is a thing, you crack on. But don't get upset or call it hate if everybody else rolls their eyes, laughs at you or worst of all, completely ignores you and your special, elevated spiritual state. 🙄

ETA: this is not a personal attack on the OP or anyone else!