Please don't give my husband more paternity leave.

[Hedgehogbrown]

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/please-dont-give-my-husband-longer-paternity-leave/#comments-container

Till Macdonald wrote this is the Spectator. Is she mad?! Who is this woman? Just because she procreated with a massive dickhead doesn't mean the rest of us should have absent husbands. Anyone who has a 'pile of ironing' in 2025 is just asking to be a wifey martyr. Ridiculous.

No one is asking anyone to share their mat leave, paternity leave is not deducted from maternity leave 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

We did shared PL and as my DH is a teacher he then got the 2 month summer holiday. So in total he had almost 5 months with our son which was a fantastic time for them both.

I agree that the word help needs to be eliminated of our vocabulary in this sense. I find myself using it and then correct myself - as my kids aren’t helping, my husband isn’t helping they are just contributing to the family unit. The way we speak matters and it’s important to challenge these preconceived ideas that somehow women are responsible for the household chores. No thank you. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and I will be damned if I raise my boys thinking that women should be responsible. And then my daughter is observing this behaviour and internally absorbing it as “normal”? No thank you

I think you might want to cut people some slack… 😉 I think women are so used to be screwed over one way or the other that they just assume that changes will come at their expense… a bit of a light ptsd response if you will.

Thats an excellent use of redundant ironing board.

Except, in the UK at the moment, that literally is how shared parental leave works. It even specifically requires the woman to formally state she is ending her leave to allow her partner to take some.

most of the my stuff is linen - so really can’t not iron that. And the hanging bit - it’s just not straight enough for my liking 🤭. I think it’s just my OCD.

But this article is a response to the recent protests about lack of paternity leave - the campaigners aren’t arguing for shared parental leave/to take some of the maternity leave, they want an entirely separate longer leave regardless of what mum is doing.

Shared parental leave is not maternity or paternity leave, paternity leave doesn’t effect maternity leave or vice versa.

I mean it’s pretty obviously that shared leave is shared, but it’s an entirely separate statutory entitlement.

As per the original comment, no women aren’t being “asked” to give their leave to men.

If anything an increase in paternity leave allowance would most certainly reduce the number of people who take up SPL.

This. ^ It's very naive to assume that if men are given a few extra months parental leave (like 4-5 months,) that it won't impact women somehow. And as for the people saying 'women don't NEED a year off after having a baby,' well maybe some don't NEED it, but it's bloody nice to have it. (And they do need much of it, as having a newborn baby is hard work!!!)

I had 14 fucking weeks off for both mine, that's it. 14 weeks. I would have killed to have had a year off with each one. So I am pleased that things are better for new mums these days. Let's not fuck it up by demanding that the menz get endless months off too!

Pretty much yes. I dont iron. My DH irons the odd shirt for a weekend. He wears overalls for work and I just dont iron my stuff or kids uniform.

I keep the ironing board put in the spare room ready for use by whoever needs to wear something requiring ironing. The kids and my husband do their own. But I find the push to endlessly extend paternity leave bizarre. A baby only needs one parent at home. It has traditionally been the mother for obvious biological reasons. If you want women to have the opportunity to heal and to establish breastfeeding you need to protect maternity leave from encroachment by paternity leave.

The year-long maternity leave came about on the grounds that exclusively breastfed babies need a year with their Mum before they are sufficiently weaned to cope without her. If you start giving it to men you undermine women who want to breastfeed, which is the best and most natural way to feed a baby.

Well quite @Genevieva And whilst I had a shitty amount of maternity leave, I am really happy that women get a year now. I had mine mid 1990s by the way.)

.

I have a steamer. So much easier and doesn't ruin clothes.

I haven't ironed in about 10 years!

So none of you iron? Shirts, dresses - you all just get them out of the dryer and what? hang them in the closet and go out in them?

Exactly. It’s not a hard concept. You just don’t buy clothes in linen basically, and even back in the day when DH wore collared work shirts, department stores had a no iron selection (which were dearer than the standard).

That was not remotely the main grounds for extending paid maternity leave to 9 months.

A child should be exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months and then still breastfed until 12 months alongside weaning. I had to go back to work at 6 months as I didn't live in the UK when I had my first and it was horrific. Until closer to 9 months when baby was on 3 meals a day, I spent around 1.5 - 2 hours of a working day pumping milk. Add to that teething (and 6-12 months is prime teething time) , I was getting an average of 2 hours of sleep a night when teething was really bad. Luckily my baby slept like a dream once a tooth would come out so I had some decent sleep now and then.

My employer was paying 100% of my salary and getting maybe 50% work from me. I hated it, my baby hated it, my employer sure as hell did not benefit from it either.

It's very disingenuous to say men can be primary carers after the first couple of months. Especially if you want to encourage breastfeeding (which the NHS does). And it completely ignores the reality that small babies want their mum.

The moment I stepped in the house from work, my baby was glued to me. So I never got any respite. I was either working or under a baby. My DH did not experience that, despite being a very good and involved father.

Let's not pretend going back to work is as easy for women as it is for men.

@Rookie889 - a child "should" be breastfed for the first six months? Really?

I didnt breastfeed. Even though that apparently 'should' have happened. And I went back to work early both times and let DP have the remainder of my leave. It worked amazingly well for us.

@K0OLA1D - I didn't breastfeed either. I never got milk - apparently quite a common phenomenon after a traumatic birth with massive blood loss. Such a shame my body didn't get the memo about what it "should" be doing.

On the bright side, as with your family, DH was able to share a lot of the care for DD, and they have an amazing bond.

I felt like this. I would've hated my ex being round any longer. I felt maternity leave was mine as I had grown, birthed and breastfed the babies.

but then he's an ex for a reason

@Zimunya @K0OLA1D WHO, NHS and CDC recommend breastfeeding, yes. Sorry if that offends you. You can choose to do whatever you want and fed is best, always. I don't actually advocate for EBF because of my own experience. But it's quite damaging to tell women to do one thing, while pretending it's no big deal and dads can just as well be the primary carers. My point is it just adds to women's workload.

Big difference between "recommend" and "should".

I iron. What do PPs do with linen and cotton fabrics? Am I missing some secret way of never ironing?