Please don't give my husband more paternity leave.

[Hedgehogbrown]

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/please-dont-give-my-husband-longer-paternity-leave/#comments-container

Till Macdonald wrote this is the Spectator. Is she mad?! Who is this woman? Just because she procreated with a massive dickhead doesn't mean the rest of us should have absent husbands. Anyone who has a 'pile of ironing' in 2025 is just asking to be a wifey martyr. Ridiculous.

@itbemay1 - I don't own anything linen, so can't comment on that. But DH's work shirts and many of my clothes are cotton. The trick is to take them out of the washing machine as soon as it finishes. Do not use the dryer. Give them a good shake, pull sleeves and collars straight, and then put on a hanger and hang to dry immediately.

This is very valid. But also to build this world, dad needs to be taking last-minute unplanned leave becaused the baby has chicken pox just as often as mum.

Don't buy linen! It's easy.

If you hang linene and cotton whrn it's proper wet, it usually sorts itself out

Yeah grand, yourself? (Hint: lots of misogyny is dressed up as “banter”).

It was no big deal for me though. It helped me that dp could split the leave. I'm disabled and I was in a pretty bad place after dc2. Lots of women dont breastfeed. And I can bet you it has nothing to do with being able to split maternity leave

Let’s face it though, there is almost certainly a direct correlation between men who take time out of work to care for their babies in infancy and those who take time off work when their children are ill. It’s all linked.

Exactly. The UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world alongside likely above average maternity leave.

Conversely, the US, with famously far shorter maternity leave, has much higher breastfeeding rates.

But do you do your husband's ironing. That's the point. And if so, why can he not iron his own shirts?

You don't think the way society treats men, and raises boys, has anything to do with how they behave as grown ups? Where does it come from them? Are they born with defective arsehole brain?

never use a dryer. Hang on an airer or (in summer) outside then put in cupboard and wear

Why did you not get 18 weeks off?

*Nothankyov · Today 03:25

So none of you iron? Shirts, dresses - you all just get them out of the dryer and what? hang them in the closet and go out in them?*

I mainly choose fabrics and styles that don't need ironing. I don't buy any button down shirts. I have a lot of soft drapey jersey dresses, washed, shaken out and hung to dry they really do not require ironing.

My husband is the only one who irons, and that's because he has to wear formal shirts at work.
We all manage without and we don't even look scruffy!

Because in the mid 1990s, the maternity leave allowance was 14 weeks.

The only thing stopping men from having a proper bond with their kids which is as strong as a Mother's, is society

Well no thats not quite true, is it.

There's a very basic biological instinctive bond between & baby and their biological mother, which begins when they are in the womb. Its the pulse of your mothers heart from the inside, her movements and breathing cadence, the food she eats,. Her bond with the baby is forged in part by hormones, the permanent changes growing a baby makes to your body.

Yes that bond it unique, and a baby needs it's Mother. But a Father can form a bond just as strong over time, just a different type of bond. I'm not suggesting that should be at the expense of the Mothers bond. No one can replace a Mother, especially in the first few months.

I have someone who does our ironing at the moment. So no. But I have in the past yes. He can iron his own shirts and has done so - but when I did it it’s because I would rather do the ironing that make dinner or change the beds and he would rather do those things. So I don’t feel put out by ironing his clothes. He contributed in a different manner. Did other things. Our division of labour at home is very even (regarding to what’s left that it’s not contracted out) and frankly at the weekend he really does most of if not all of the parenting. I don’t have to chase him and ask for help. He’s clued in. The only thing he doesn’t do without prompting is changing the bin… which drives me bonkers but really it’s such a small thing - but I still argue with him sometimes when I’m snappy 🤦‍♀️

yawn

Makes sense. I have a lot of linen so it does need ironing no way the creases just drop. And I just don’t like things that aren’t ironed for myself. Just a little quirk of mine. Some would call it ocd. But it’s just the way I like it.

I do agree with his. I think my husband as a huge bond with all our kids. Even just now as we are at the beach (we came without him) and they saw him walk up and their little faces lit up and swarmed him for a hug. But that’s because he’s involved. He’s present. He puts his phone down when they are talking to him. He puts them to bed and talks to them. Both my eldest boy and middle child (girl) tend to open up to him first if something is bothering them. That can only be achieved if they put in the effort. Whilst traditionally because women are the ones at home it feels like that bond is more natural. But kids do grow up. I for example was closer to my dad. Similar personalities and my dad gets me. So I think relationships change and evolve as well. It’s not just the well mum is mum it’s biological - yes there is an aspect to that when they are small but there is no guarantee that it will be taken into adulthood if we don’t adapt and listen to them.

I only buy clothes that don’t crease. I refuse to waste my life ironing

that’s good that you can do that. I have a lot of linen so can’t.

I only iron if I am going to a wedding or a funeral.

Someone has to actually die for my iron to come out.

@Hedgehogbrown many small businesses cant afford long paternity leave. they often cannot afford maternity leave either. we, in out office, would be unable to even get a temp in so any long term absence means I have to go in! A temp would not know the work!