Please don't give my husband more paternity leave.

[Hedgehogbrown]

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/please-dont-give-my-husband-longer-paternity-leave/#comments-container

Till Macdonald wrote this is the Spectator. Is she mad?! Who is this woman? Just because she procreated with a massive dickhead doesn't mean the rest of us should have absent husbands. Anyone who has a 'pile of ironing' in 2025 is just asking to be a wifey martyr. Ridiculous.

Ignoring the ridiculous article and focusing on the more, up ‘pressing’ matter… I iron everything except gym clothes made out of Lycra/dryfit, etc. I cannot stand unironed clothes. I don’t like seeing them crumpled in my drawers, hanging on hangers, or on my body in the mirror. I don’t like looking at DH in an unironed top.

I don’t care what anyone else does with their laundry though.

I wear a lot of linen clothes....I iron them. I don't find it a chore....each to their own.

Imagine wanting other families to have less access to paid time after having a baby because you married someone so utterly shit.

I don't buy anything that needs ironing.

Well depends how use useless your own husband is. Shared maternity leave should mean exactly that, the father taking care of the child not just getting in the way. If there’s an equal split of division then yes very beneficial to the mother but if the father is fucking around not doing anything then I would probably be questioning why I ever had kids with this idiot man child.

Poor you. How did that work out?

I would have liked my husband to have more paternity leave.

We used Shared Parental Leave and on a practical level, like pp, one of the main benefits I have found is that we share the load completely when it comes to parenting and running the house. We don't "look" equal, we are.
On an emotional level, it took a long time and many rounds of IVF to have our babies and it broke our hearts that he had such a tiny amount of time off with them at the beginning. I would not be so flippant about the importance of fathers bonding with their children.

Well, yes.

and suits (and most other things that absolutely need to be ironed) are done at the cleaner’s…

We do own an ironing board and a small steamer. The ironing board is used a few times a year and the steamer is usually reserved for travelling.

I couldn’t cope without my clothes being ironed and I wouldn’t ever give my kids non ironed clothes, perhaps there’s something wrong with me.

everything except pants are ironed including bedding.

But I have a cleaner who does it because I have a disability. She spends 2 hrs a week ironing then hangs it all up, it’s such a treat.

Kinda sad you didn’t feel he needed to be round for you or the baby during them first six months. No wonder dads feel they can just walk out on their wife’s and kids

We can’t simultaneously bemoan the gender pay gap, second shift, expectation that women are the default parent, work discrimination against mothers or women of childbearing age and also act like father’s are completely redundant when it comes to having a baby. Countries with more generous paternity leave (and a culture that men should take it) do better in gender inequality statistics. This benefits everyone in society.

Yes they obviously don’t have the physical after effects of birth and pregnancy but having a baby is a huge adjustment for both parents. It should be life changing for both. How many useless men do we see on here who still think it’s acceptable to go on stag dos/kids holidays/spend all weekend at the football or cycling/spending all Saturday hungover while their partner is looking after a tiny baby. Reinforcing the idea that men aren’t needed only validates this.

Both myself and my baby were still in hospital when DH’s two weeks were up. As a partner you’re watching somebody you (hopefully) love go through one of the most dangerous physical processes there is. My DH watched our baby be resuscitated. Even a straightforward birth you’re still watching people you love suffer (with the potential for things to go wrong quickly). Again this is obviously not suggesting that we fuss over dad’s at the exclusion of supporting mums but support for dads is often lacking and this has to contribute to wider issues around men’s mental health (which again, affects us all in society).

DH ended up being signed off at the start of my mat leave so we were together for a few months at the start. We also did shared leave so he took the last 2 months while I went back to work. I’m not saying we’re perfect by any means (I’m definitely better at coping with lack of sleep without getting short tempered, he seems to have a complete blind spot about when bathrooms need cleaning etc) but I’d struggle to say that we’re not fairly equal bar jobs he obviously can’t do like expressing. It also means we work together to take turns overnight, make sure that each parent can nap if they’ve had a more stressful overnight/rest if they’ve got a more difficult work week, both go to the gym/see friends etc.

We’re in the trenches, but we’re in the trenches together. I don’t want my son to grow up seeing childcare or domestic labour as the mum’s responsibility so we need to model that at home.

I think men should get some extra paternity leave, but not at the expense of women. I can imagine lazy cf men bullying women to share it.

Men getting an extension on their own. I fully support it.

Women be made to share it, I'm against that.

Me & my husband are age 38 & 43, neither of us have ever owned an iron or ironing board. We aren’t millionaires but have a pretty decent living & almost own house outright worth about 900k & are about to go on a month long holiday over august in our camper with our 2 young children. So I don’t think ironing creates success in life and I’d certainly never dream of doing it now, I also regularly have people comment on my outfits being nice so unless mums at the school gate are being devious I’d take it that nobody has noticed 😂.

I do think men should get more pat leave overall but no one should force women how much they can take theirs.

Maternity leave isn't just about the baby snuggles it's about recovering from pregnancy and birth making men equal in the time off really diminishes that

When I was married, I wasn't a very good ironer of shirts, my then husband always ironed his shirts and anything else that needed ironing including some of my clothing. He was actually very good around the house for most things which was about his only good point.

I'm still not a good ironer all these years later so I rarely ever need to get the iron out, most stuff can be tumbled for a few minutes then just hung up, if it's a t-shirt style top, I press it flat when it comes out the dryer, put on a hanger and straight into the wardrobe.

Probably the only thing I do iron and I hate it, is the duvet cover. I'm thinking of putting them out to an ironing agency near me, I like the thought of never having to wrestle them on to the ironing board ever again.

Having children will never be seen as equally men and women’s responsibility, until men have to take time off
to care for their children.

So much of the wage gap is to do with women ending up working part time, having long career breaks, employers prejudices about their taking long periods off if they have a baby.

It shouldn’t be that men’s jobs are just entirely uninterrupted by having children, while women are expected to pick up all the slack.

Mums end up being the default parent because of their long maternity leave. Most dads never have any real time caring for their young children alone. That will only change with more paternity leave IMO.

You don’t need a year to recover from pregnancy and birth though.

Maternity leave isn’t a ‘reward’ to women for being pregnant and giving birth - it’s time to care for your infant. There’s no reason the dad can’t be primary carer in this after the first couple of months.

You don’t need a whole year off per pregnancy to recover.

I do wonder if woman will have to declare they are ‘together’ so men can take paternity leave? With so many single mothers, I imagine men will take advantage and just take 6 months leave with no intention of looking after the baby! Will his work place insist on seeing your medical records? Grill you about the intended leave?

My DH was brilliant and still is a brilliant dad, doesn’t mean he wasn’t under my feet all day, ignoring the mess piling up in the kitchen and expecting sex.

I think some of you are blind to your partners short comings in this area,

My marriage would have ended with 6 month leave, and we’ve been together 25 years. I sent him back to work for my own sanity.

Your husband doesn't sound great. I'm not blind to anything, my husband simply isn't like yours.

I personally didn’t want my now exh around all the time, he would simply fuss too much (he would clean etc that isn’t the issue) or he would want to go out all the time. He went back after 2 days both times as was the norm then and i don’t see any reason to change it. With my now husband, not sure, think he might be a bit more attentive but still I’d feel pressured to think about them whereas at home with just me a dc we just planned for ourselves. Maternity leave was to recover from the birth, men don’t have that need

Nope. Don’t own an iron. Just get clothes out wet, give them a shake, and hang them up. They’re fine. But I do avoid buying clothes that look like they will definitely need an iron.

Surely the argument that maternity leave is to recover from pregnancy/labour means it’s even more important to have the option of more paternity leave? Somebody to change nappies, sterilise equipment, do stuff round the house, do the driving if you’ve had a c-section etc etc. so mum can rest, get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, have a cup of tea, do some postnatal yoga (whatever she needs to recover).

I agree with this and maybe that was the point of the article.
SMP is ridiculously low and MANY companies (mine included) offer only that.
There are so many things that need improving for families (and women) before we start thinking of men (once again). I wish it wasn't so but women STILL take the vast majority of childcare (especially with very young children) and of household labour (many studies prove that), and the discussion about upping paternal leave takes away the focus from this.

He doesn’t sound that brilliant if you felt pressured into sex postpartum (or at any point).

'In a household where the man has a full array of opinions and a limited grasp of the laundry system, six months of paternity leave is not an act of support; it amounts to domestic invasion.'

Oh my god. What am I even reading here?

Don't marry and have children with men who like this if you don't feel comfortable with them being at home, ffs. How is a person being in their own home 'domestic invasion'?? Sorry, but if that's how you feel, you married the wrong person.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and I would LOVE it if my husband had longer than 2 weeks off work. It's the one thing I'm actually really sad about, that he won't be able to be around as much as he wants to 🙁

The UK paternity system is truly shit compared to other countries.

(Also it's hilarious how much this thread has derailed into ironing talk 😅We also don't iron and our lives are the better for it!)