Please don't give my husband more paternity leave.

[Hedgehogbrown]

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/please-dont-give-my-husband-longer-paternity-leave/#comments-container

Till Macdonald wrote this is the Spectator. Is she mad?! Who is this woman? Just because she procreated with a massive dickhead doesn't mean the rest of us should have absent husbands. Anyone who has a 'pile of ironing' in 2025 is just asking to be a wifey martyr. Ridiculous.

Exactly what we do.

Chucked out our ironing board about 18 months ago because it was so old and unused the cover was perished

But how much of women doing the majority of domestic labour and burden of childcare because when more leave for men is suggested so they can be involved in domestic labour and the burden of childcare they’re apparently not required? If society keeps insisting that men only need a couple of weeks off then of course women are always going to be the default parent.

Agree with the non Ironers here …….. okay, non strictly true, I do iron…however never ever would I stand for hours ironing everyone else’s clothes.

it gets washed, dried, folded and put away. When you wear it, and if it needs ironing, it get ironed….most of the time I give it a shake and I’m good to go….but I do have a few standards and will iron if it makes me look like a crumpled up newspaper.

He doesn’t sound that brilliant if you felt pressured into sex postpartum

Interesting you pick up that point. Six weeks after the baby is usually the point at which midwives and so called professionals push this to be acceptable point to start having sex, for most young men they have been off sex for 2 months at this point and yes desperate to go back to pre baby times. You are kidding yourself if you think differently.

There was no pressure, only suggestion!! Perhaps you have forgotten?

Don’t iron
Dont have an iron
Semd shirts to dry cleaner for ironing & launder

How can we have a serious discussion on this topic if you keep twittering on about ironing? No wonder things don’t improve for woman - ironing is clearly more important.

you know how everyone who doesn’t iron say their clothes don’t crease? Well, they do. You all look a mess. My friend doesn’t iron and she thinks her clothes look fine. She always looks like she’s slept in her clothes and she always hangs them up straight away as well

They need to sort out proper maternity for many women and then look at paternity.

If paternity leave was 6 months, i dont think it should be at the same time as maternity leave so both would be home at the same time. I'm all for system for parental leave that is longer and that would be shared more equally.

sounds familiar . i can relate to her

mine thought paternity leave was a holiday. He wanted fun days out, invite people round for drinks, visit long lost family not seen for decades etc

ahh the time he cooked dinner and put a glass salad dish on the hob to heat up. That was lovely 💥

I don't like the tone of the article but tbh I kind of agree with her! My DH had a long paternity leave (we're abroad) and I wanted to strangle him by the end of it. And he does plenty of housework, night feeds etc.

Allowing more flexibility for both parents at work, especially early finishes and late starts, would be more helpful.

And we definitely do not have an ironing pile! Piles of clean laundry that never seem to get put away though...

'I think some of you are blind to your partners short comings in this area'

Umm, no. If you can't stand the idea of inhabiting the same space as your husband for a few months then there's something dysfunctional there. 'Ignoring the mess piling up in the kitchen and expecting sex' does not sound like a particularly healthy co-partnership.

Perhaps you are 'blind' to shortcomings in your own marriage.

I'd absolutely love for my husband to be here for 6 months with no work responsibilities after our baby is born. I married someone who I actually get along with, love deeply, and is a good team mate.

Don't use a dryer they're awful for the environment. Hang on airer they dry straight, fold, place in cupboard or on hanger. Only ironed interview clothes in 10y

What in the fuck have I just read??!!

“performing the role of pleasant, accommodating spouse and dutiful composed mother because your husband is home is exhausting”

Domestic invasion?!
This wasn’t written in 2025, surely 🤯

More paternity leave has huge benefits on the personal and societal level. My husband looks after our child with no guidance, no setting out clothes/ activities/ food, explaining basic parenting, he has always been super involved and I've been able to not fall in to default parent and I thank shared parental leave for that. We had some together and he had some alone. That time alone was key for his confidence.

On a society level, there will always be bias, pay gaps and career issues when women can and are expected to take large chunks of time off but men aren't.

Obviously this all works best with men who want to be involved and women who want to let them be equal parents.

I've never had a professional "push" me to accept sex at any point in my life. Just because it's physically OK to do something, doesn't mean you have to do it. My husband was grown up enough to wait until I was ready. I'm sorry you had a partner that was so lacking in emotional maturity.

I’ve not forgotten, I’ve only just gone back to work after maternity leave. I’m sure my husband would have loved to been having sex hypothetically as soon as possible but he also has the emotional intelligence to realise that I’d gone through a very traumatic physical experience and was absolutely exhausted and that maybe his sexual needs weren’t a priority at that exact moment in time. He certainly wasn’t sitting round expecting sex because I’d passed a magic medically ‘acceptable’ point.

Besides, having a husband who was actively supporting me and equally sharing the load rather than ‘expecting sex’ only made our relationship stronger which is only beneficial in terms of sex life once we were both ready.

I think that there should be an option for men to have longer, however I don't think it should necessarily be fully funded. For example when babies end up in NICU or after cesarean sections when women need the mental and physical support. I was happy for DH to go back to work after two weeks but I didn't have any complications or PND. He was also happy to be back to the routine of work meaning that he mentally had a break so when he came home he was awesome in the evenings getting stuff done and the times DD or DS screamed for hours every night.

I can see why women might need that additional support. I think it needs to be on a sliding scale like women's maternity pay I.e two weeks full pay and so on. I don't think it should be fully funded for 6 weeks plus.

DH is self employed and took 5 days off with DC 1 and 3 days with DC 2. It would have been good to have him home for longer, although I suspect he may have started doing DIY, or gardening rather than any practical help with baby or household chores.He took up golf the week DC1 was born having never played once in the previous 8 years I'd known him. PIL came to "help" when DC2 was born and spent the day pruning the apple tree while I stayed indoors with a newborn and toddler!

Low spin in washing machine then properly hang it while it's very wet. We also buy with no ironing in mind. Very rarely something needs ironing. Very rarely. But also we don't wear things like office shirts and such much.

I understand that point and maybe that would be what would happen in many relationships (not in mine for sure).
But I believe we should be improving maternity leave first, the value of SMP is just not acceptable. If you don't have a partner who pays the bills, or if you're a single mother, you just can't afford it. And the childcare until they start school, same thing. IMO these arevteh facts that contribute the most for women taking longer career breaks, not the very early months maternity leave. All of this should be tackled first, before we look at paternity leave.

Just fold and flatten them out whilst still wet and leave for 10 mins and then hang out to dry - no ironing needed (except for shirts)!

I think it could be good equaliser at work when it comes to long absences and subsequent promotions etc tbh. (yes we have laws, but...)

I hang mine on the line to dry, or a maiden if it’s raining.

The only time I iron is if I’m going somewhere really posh.

This. Quilting and funerals in this house (sadly more of the latter than weddings of late!). Long since switched all my work clothes to either iron-free or dry clean only.