To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

[safetyfirst1]

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic.

I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule.

Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed.

Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice

5 minutes from home, directly on route to work
£64/day
Staff seem genuinely caring with babies
Good Ofsted rating
Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info

Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice

Beautiful, modern facilities
Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times)
Comprehensive curriculum
£85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive)
Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends.

Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary.

Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age?

Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby?

Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?

Thanks in advance! 💙

I actually think nursery could be beneficial based on your other threads your husband isn’t a very safe person for your baby to be around tbh. His behaviour is shocking as is his attitude.

‘Tapping’ your baby’s soft spot on their skull at a few weeks old, being told it’s not safe to do so then doing so again while laughing? Jesus Christ. Chilling. Shutting the doors to a weeks old baby hysterically crying to the point the poor baby was sick out of sight?

I really think you need to speak to the health visitor about your partner and be honest with her. Do you want to spend your life with someone so unwilling to prioritise your tiny baby?

At that age it's the staff that matter. Have you considered a nanny or childminder. You don't seem taken with either place. Are there others with spaces nearby you can view.

I think this is a really mean thing to do. Post partum women are very vulnerable and I see no reason to add this into this thread unless you were hoping to upset the OP or add to the negativity OP is already facing. Please correct me if you’ve added this for another reason.

We are obviously all entitled to our own feelings about any post on here but let’s try and lead with kindness when vulnerable women are involved.

I've just seen your other thread. OK yeah, you need nursery, childminder, anything. Give yourself some space so you can leave that abusive piece of shit you are married to. But please do leave him.

I've added it to show that the OP needs a lot of support. Her husband sounds like a worrying person to have around the baby.

@PinkBobby

OP is being pressured by a controlling and unkind partner to put her baby in unsafe situations. Usually I would think that 3 months was too soon for nursery unless absolutely no other possible choice, but I think she and the baby could benefit from having an outside support source / pair of eyes on the baby. Her husband isn’t a safe caregiver. She is exhausted and feeling very low. She needs to know that his behaviour is not healthy or normal. OP I hope you can get some external support

Well actually that link made me change my mind because I had not realized OP is vulnerable. Run of the mill 3 month old sleep deprivation is very different to being in a house with a DH who isn't safe around her baby. I would say on balance she does need to get the baby out of the house and herself.some rest so she can plan her next move.

I vote for nursery no.1.

There is a very interesting book called Nurture Shock, I’d strongly recommend you read it.
It is crucial for young babies to form a strong bond with their primary caregiver. For a 3 month old I would have a nanny, no question. In fact I had a nanny for my kids although we could barely afford it! So much better for their care and development. Send him to preschool when he’s 3 if you want but babies need as much care and attention as possible.
you can find a nanny through an agency who will come with references, DBS checked etc. decent Nannies don’t have a chance to slack off! When the baby is sleeping they are doing laundry, prepping bottles or food etc. and the are aware of development milestones, so will read, play, take to baby groups etc.

There are some very unpleasant judgmental posts on here. I never understand why so many people say 'get a nanny'...nannies are much more expensive than nursery and out of reach for many people.

Thank you for clarifying and I’m sorry for assuming the worst - too much time on MN! Glad we are all on the same page re supporting the OP.

i would go with option one. You need to choose one based on where you feel you will be more comfortable with and be convenient, I wouldn’t worry about the facilities.

My DC went to a lovely nursery and a couple of times they had small babies there, they were carried around and cuddled. Whenever I arrived to pick up DC at various times of the day the babies in the baby room were being cuddled or held by someone.

Im now really worried about all of this, and I’m not being flippant but I’m interested in why so many have the view of three months being too young for nursery full stop. I’ve checked out some studies since starting this thread and I really cannot find the majority supporting this, in fact most have mixed outcomes and often say the age the enter non maternal care doesn’t have negative outcomes,

im not trying to convince myself here I genuinely want to know where people get this strong view from, is it from evidence if so please please post links. Or is it just matter of opinion?

Nursery 1. You don’t need one that is further away, more expensive and where the staff are more focused on taking pics of the kids than looking after them, and your DC won’t be availing himself of the facilities anyway.

So you would be prepared for your child to be homeless rather than go to nursery? Just crazy!!!

Thank you for the supportive posts and please I really don’t want to derail the thread with my DH in my previous post. It really doesn’t have anything to do with this one.

im currently in therapy, working to resolve some of my issues with DH and for now I’m just trying to do what’s right.

i actually can afford a nanny but the nanny means less flexibility and I also do worry about one person looking after DS. Please can people provide evidence on why a nanny is so much better? And yes my DH is involved in this decision as rightly or wrongly it’s his child too.

im right now not going to LTB it will not solve my issues right here right now, we are working through things so please just be kind

I agree that the OP needs help, I’m just not sure the addition of the older post was necessary. Whilst I agree this post adds more context, I feel like that was info for the OP to share with us (rather than an old post being brought up by someone else). And other posters may not be ready or willing to open up about such details - they are still super venerable, we just don’t know it.

So I think generally we should approach women who are in the post partum phase with a crazy amount of sensitively (which has not happened in this thread).

@MathNotMathingwhere do you get this information from about storing up heavier and ADHD?

Studies seem to be a mixed bag unless I’m looking at the wrong things here…

Please help I’m really just trying to do right by my child and also not be as sleep deprived so I can be a better quality mum. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone x

I think a contributory factor in OP's depression and exhaustion might be because of her DH's strange attitude to his baby's needs, judging by her other threads. OP seems to be treading on eggshells round him, not least having to provide him with researched 'evidence' before he'll accept any advice. She doesnt need that, for sure.

OP stop trying to appease your DH and get some real life support. Your parents must have noticed the odd dynamic? Maybe a nursery would be the best option in your circumstances - and I can hardly believe that I wrote that!

and I also do worry about one person looking after DS......

It's much, much better for such a young baby in particular to just have one primary caregiver.

And I think my point is that all post partum women are vulnerable and it shouldn’t take another older post being dropped into the chat for us to be sensitive/kind. You never know what people are dealing with (and they shouldn’t have to tell you everything until they’re ready or happy to) so it’s best to lead with understanding and kindness, even if your opinion is very different to your own.

@softlyfallsthesnowwhat do you mean the dynamic is odd? What makes you say that.

Also my I ask why you say you can’t believe you’re saying nursery is best.

im also confused as to why people state DH views shouldn’t be considered. We will get into too many arguments and also, is it not his child too? He does insist on having a say in not everything but a lot of things - is this not normal?! As a child with two parents I don’t see why this is so odd

@softlyfallsthesnowi do tread in eggshells. He is Nuevo diverse and its adding a real stress on things and how we communicate, the last few months have been VERY difficult for our marriage.

this with everything else added in just really is why i need evidence as he is very logical and will only listen to facts.

This may sound strange to some, but we are where we are.