To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

[safetyfirst1]

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic.

I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule.

Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed.

Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice

5 minutes from home, directly on route to work
£64/day
Staff seem genuinely caring with babies
Good Ofsted rating
Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info

Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice

Beautiful, modern facilities
Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times)
Comprehensive curriculum
£85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive)
Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends.

Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary.

Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age?

Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby?

Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?

Thanks in advance! 💙

Our nursery is also in a converted house and they’re more interested in caring for and engaging with the kids than updating the app. 3 month olds don’t need curriculums, they need cuddles. Go for nursery 1.

Do not put a 3 month old in a nursery.

Who cares if your husband finds it “weird” having someone come to your home to care for your baby. Tell him to suck it up and put your babies safety and wellbeing first.

That describes the baby room at DC's nursery too right down to the snug areas to hold babies and baby wearing. Mine got so much attention and they most definitely weren't left in baby seats all day.

number 1
baby doesn't need a curriculum. and if he's only 5 mins away you can pick him up easier on days you finish earlier.
doesn't need to be in nursery longer than necessary as you'll be closer.
good luck its so hard!

You’ll get a range of views OP,
I remember a mum at a baby group saying she and her partner were going away for a long weekend leaving their three month old with her parents! Half the group were horrified, the other half jealous they couldn’t do the same!

I didn’t leave mine at nursery until 12 months but I wish I had put her in for a little time each week before that, or maybe used the crèche at the leisure centre. Have you got much support at home from extended family?

Newborn babies do mean no sleep.

Putting one in nursery so you can sleep is not good. they'd be better off at home with you and shattered. Sleep when they sleep.

Tell your DH what you want. Sticking it in nursery as your DH doesn't want it in the house should tell you more about him.

You are the only protector of your DC at this age. As many have asked what age is your DC now?

I honestly find the judgement from some posters here disgusting.

no wonder so many mothers have postpartum depression as they worry about these things and the get horrible posters like some on here.

honestly, to admit sleep deprivation is killing me and causing depression to have some of the posters respond like they are is frankly sick.

thanks to helpful posters who actually have given valuable advice I do appreciate it

@Plantladyloveryes better of shattered until they falll asleep and something bad happens. Of course that’s the responsible thing to do isn’t it, I’ve fallen asleep at feeds a few times and it’s getting me down.

please reserve judgement.

Also on reflection I’ve decided to go for two days a week six hours a day. So 12 hours a week total at the nursery

After little one turns six months this will be inc increased to 3 days - total of 18 hours a week

This.

I do feel for you if you’re struggling. Perhaps people would feel a bit more sympathy if you explored the nanny option rather than just allowing your husband’s pathetic feelings override what is in the best interest of your child.

Don't listen to the unhelpful comments. Especially if you are currently trying to work with a baby at home too.

Honestly, who cares what your husband wants.
He has left your baby to cry, from a few weeks old.

You have a big problem with your DH, going by your other threads.

For such a young baby I would go with the nursery which has the most experienced and caring staff who are used to having babies. Many people's DC don't usually go to nursery until a bit older (around 8 -9 months) so you definitely want one where staff are used to younger babies.

I would also look very carefully at staff experience levels - lots and lots of very young staff means they are less mature and I do wonder if they are really capable of keeping a level head with emergencies and more serious first aid incidents. They go on courses but realistically at 17 would you be confident in a choking scenario?

Shiny/ newer facilities do not automatically mean a better nursery. Same with daily detailed updates. I've worked (as an agency member of staff) in many nurseries over the years and I've seen the "amazing on paper and with lovely facilities" that every one wants to send their DC to to actually have very poor care, nappies not checked, under ratio, inexperienced staff who despite doing all the food hygiene/ first aid don't have a clue. Staff snapping photos, sat on the iPad creating these lovely detailed updates for their parents whilst the children sit for extended periods in soiled nappies/ distress/ trampled by other children. I've also seen "amazing on paper with lovely facilities" nurseries provide excellent care with fantastic staff. Alternatively I've seen absolutely amazing care given in the "wouldn't touch that with a barge pole it's rough" nurseries.

You need to go with your gut instincts. I would also explore nanny/ childminder options too. Its more home from home and 1 consistent care giver which may suit your baby better.

Option 1.
If the staff are lovely and it’s on your doorstep then it’s a no brainier.

Or the other parent steps up and does their share.

Things weren't equal at all when mine were babies as iw as on mat leave and breastfeeding but even then every human needs sleep. Our babies fed a lot at night so husband typically had them a few hours, 10-12 usually they'd do a stint of held, so he'd sit and read or be on his computer with baby on his knee to let me sleep then I'd be up 12-6 as required and he'd have them when they had a decent wake up 6-8 when he'd leave for work and I'd take over again. Otherwise especially with my eldest I think I'd actually have died.

I'm not judging you at all. I know how hard it is. We all do. It's bloody depressing, heartbreaking, never ending and utterly soul destroying at times. I get that. I really do. But I don't think putting your baby in nursery at 12 weeks old so you can sleep is the answer, for either of you.

Of course, if you live in a country such as the US (which I never understand as a first world, modern power, that gives women 6 weeks or something ridiculous as maternity leave) then you do have better choices.

And I completely understand being self employed, my DH is. no paternity leave, no holiday pay, no sick pay. I get that too.

But the baby has to come first, above your need for sleep, and as other pps have said, it's unfair to put it in nursery at 12 weeks just so you can sleep and work better.

I worked in nurseries. I wouldn’t put such a young baby into one. This isn’t anything against nurseries in general or you needing to use childcare at such a young age. I just wouldn’t do it because a typical day nursery just isn’t the right setting for such a little one.
I would definitely go for a nanny.. Many of them like to be out and about it anyway rather than say in the house the whole time.

I'd choose nursery one. The downsides aren't deal breakers for me.

Good job you didn't have kids and need to work when my eldest was born. Maternity leave was 16 weeks at the time. In fact many of the current mums of young babies will have been in childcare at that age

How is the baby benefiting right now exactly? OP is exhausted, feeling down and depressed and also trying to juggle work so baby definitely isn't getting all of her attention.

Try “How not to f* them up” by Oliver James. Only recommending this book now as you’ve asked for info re nursery vs nanny. This book covers a whole lot more than this but it does explain the difference between a parent v grandparent v nanny v childminder v nursery/daycare set up for a baby (in terms of the impact on them). As others have said, your baby’s needs at 3months totally trump your husband’s reluctance to have someone at home. Having children involves sacrifice and this feels like a relatively small one.

In terms of your initial q re nursery, if you go ahead with that option I’d base it all on the care givers (how you felt about them/the turnover of staff/ratios) and place zero emphasis on facilities. Your baby has very basic needs at this point so you just need to care about the person/people who will be responding to them.

Good luck with your decision!

Nursery is not your biggest problem.

Link

Honestly reading some of these comments make me wonder if people out there have had more than 1 child at a time - you don’t get to spend hours on end cuddling the baby when you’ve got a toddler wreaking havoc round your house!! I appreciate the OP doesn’t have an older child to look after but the amount of attention for the baby is the same. I used to have to put my baby in the Moses basket while I played with my eldest.

OP if it were me, I’d go for nursery 1. It’s cheaper, you were happy with it, it’s closer. For such short hours there’s no point in stressing yourself out going to nursery 2.

People suggesting a childminder clearly haven’t seen them all gassing at soft plays and ignoring the children, and personally I wouldn’t want my baby bundled up going out on school runs. Nannies are a fair bit more expensive than a nursery, so not an option for everybody. OP doesn’t need somebody to take her baby for days out etc as the baby won’t be there full time, OP can do baby groups etc on the days baby is with her.