To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

[safetyfirst1]

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic.

I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule.

Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed.

Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice

5 minutes from home, directly on route to work
£64/day
Staff seem genuinely caring with babies
Good Ofsted rating
Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info

Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice

Beautiful, modern facilities
Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times)
Comprehensive curriculum
£85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive)
Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends.

Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary.

Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age?

Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby?

Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?

Thanks in advance! 💙

I don't think you should allow your husband's wishes to override what is best for your baby. 3 month old babies need 100% of their care giver's attention all the time. No nursery can do that. A nanny or a childminder would be the only options in my view.

Ideally I'd say 2.5 years, but if you're going to use nursery for a baby then the older the better and definitely when they're mobile.

Realistically a 3 month old can't be placed on the floor and can't be held much is a nursery so they're going to be in a bouncer or chair most of the day.

Personally at that age I wouldn't put my dc in any nursery, and I work in them. If you really must, all I'll say is that you aren't necessarily getting anything better because things look modern/have app updates and are more expensive. I'd look at a nanny if you can afford that, or maybe a child minder.

Your reasons to not have a nanny are a bit odd, OP. Becuase your DH doesn’t want someone in his house? Doesn’t he want to see his own child in his house when he’s on breaks from work?

And because you think the nanny will “slack off”?

A baby at that age really does need a lot of being held and cared for. I would imagine that, at nursery, they’ll spend most of the day in a baby seat.

I can’t tell you which of the two nurseries is best because I think a three-month-old should be with an excellent nanny or excellent childminder in a home setting.

Both of my babies went to nursery at 6 months old. I'd choose nursery 1, and we had to choose a similar nursery in similar circumstances when my son was a baby. He was only there 2.5 days a week, so he had plenty of one-on-one care and enrichment the rest of the week. We got a nanny when I returned to work after having my youngest and that was no better than the nursery tbh, for reasons I won't go into here.

Ignore the naysayers - if you have to return to work (or if you just want to return to work!), it's perfectly reasonable to weigh the benefits up against the downsides and decide to send your child to nursery for a few hours a week if that is the best choice overall for your family.

Would a nanny share be an option, maybe at someone else’s house? I agree with PPs that no nursery is going to be ideal at this age - if you have other options I’d strongly consider them.

There is nothing that would make me put a 3 month old baby in childcare short of actual threat of destitution. Why are you doing it so early? Newborn's need their primary caregiver.

It's understandable that he doesn't want to work at home with a nanny there.

It's not understandable why you both seem to be prioritising his needs over your three month old baby. Get DH to rent some office space and allow your baby to be looked after in it's own home (as is best).

I know it’s alien to many here but many babies do attend nursery young. Go with the nursery your gut says is the most nurturing and caring, plus convenience is important to minimise travel. You can switch setting if needed at 2/3 when curriculum matters more

This is crazy logic. A Nanny will have your child 1on1, they will have 100% attention on your baby. Even if they occasionally check their phone, your baby will still get 95% of one persons time and attention.

At a Nursery your baby will have to share one Nursery Nurse with two other babies. So the best case scenario is that they get 33% of the attention of a childcarer. And that’s best case! In my experience - nursery workers are young, under qualified and more interested in chatting to each other than paying attention to the children (obviously not talking about all, I’ve also met some amazing ones, but they are an exception rather than the rule.)

I’ve worked in childcare for over 25 years and refused to send my own babies to nursery. I’ve never stepped foot in one that I would have been happy to send my own babies to. And I’ve been in dozens and dozens of nurseries as part of my work.

A nanny works in your own home and so you can keep an eye on them to make sure they are doing their duties properly. And frankly your baby’s needs should trump what makes your husband comfortable.

Nursery at 6 months was the only option (other than quitting) when I had mine as that’s the only maternity we got then. In the USA 6 weeks is common. You have to do what you need to do

I mean it might be the threat of actual destitution…
having said that I think OP’s husband is being a twat here putting his own preferences first and a nanny would be a much better option if going back to work in unavoidable - as it is for a lot of self employed people in the real world…

OP, I’m guessing you haven’t had the baby yet. 3 months is too early - could Dad not take some shared parental leave?

3 months is totally normal in many parts of the world, including some of our nearest neighbouring countries.

Let's do the OP the courtesy of assuming that there is a reason why she is returning to work after 3 months and that she doesn't need your judgement.

Side-stepping the discussion on whether any nursery is the right option.... I think convenience beats facilities at this age IF (and only if) the quality of care is excellent. There's no learning "curriculum" as such at this age. It is really important the nursery has decent staff ratios and I'd want some personal recommendations on their baby care. Ideally you want a consistent key worker who will be in on the days/schedule your baby is in and a good idea of how much your baby will be held/interacting with the same care giver.

I'd go for the nearest to home. If DC is poorly and you have to collect them you want the most convenient.

Whole point of nursery is convenience so why would you add complications of a commute?

The most important thing for me when I was considering a nursery for my baby was safety. I had to find a nursery I knew they would be safe. Looked at first aid training and how many staff were fully trained, where were nappy changes being carried out, sleeping arrangements ect- I’d go with where you feel baby will be most looked after. Cosmetics ect don’t really matter to a child. The nursery I picked use to put small babies in front carriers too so they had plenty of fresh air and made sure they stuck (as close to possible) to mums routine. Where did you have the better feeling from?

This is a very good point.

Questions not being asked are

How old is the baby now?
what country are you in?

I say no 1. The driving will be frustrating.

Will it be in close contact with older children OP? I would worry a lot about it getting sick, it won't have got a lot of vaccinations by 3 months.

From the nurseries I've worked in and seen I couldn't leave a 3 month old in one either. They need to form secure attachment to a primary caregiver.

Pretty unusual in this country. I worked in a baby room about 15 years ago and we had a 3 month old and it was very unusual then.
Luckily he was a very chill baby so just sat in a baby bouncer and 'watched' as we didn't have the time to do much with him beyond feeding and changing.

No parent of a toddler can give that either

@safetyfirst1 I went for the smaller, closer nursery over the further away one with bigger better facilities. It had a family feel, he wasn't away in a baby room, it was more like a multi-generational household but without being beholden to school runs etc as he would have been at a childminder. He also gets plenty of social interaction and I dont care what anyone says, he needs it.

We also discounted a nanny because we didn't have space for my child with the nanny and my husband who was ill/recovering at home.

Only now that my son is nearly 18 months do I start to notice the gap between his place and the other nursery's facilities.

Mine started 2 days/week at 9 months and 4 days at 13 months. I think I'd find 4 days away at 3 months really hard but I assume you feel it's necessary.

My youngest was with childminder from about 5 months and it felt so safe. She carried her a lot in her arms..would let her sleep whenever she needed . It was like a family environment with other kids etc

Having been recently bitten by this - do they both have availability? It might make the choice for you tbh!