To choose convenience over facilities for 3 month old starting nursery?

[safetyfirst1]

FTM here and really struggling with a nursery decision for my little one who’ll be starting at 3 months. Posting here for additional traffic.

I’m self-employed so have flexibility with work schedule.

Planning 3 full days at nursery (though realistically 6 hours/day average but have to pay for the full day as the half day hours don’t suit) plus one day with grandparents weekly. The third nursery day will likely be shorter (4 hours) or sometimes skipped entirely - paying for the flexibility to get life admin sorted when needed.

Nursery 1 - The Convenient Choice

5 minutes from home, directly on route to work
£64/day
Staff seem genuinely caring with babies
Good Ofsted rating
Downsides: Converted house that needs some TLC, the nursery is also only 2 years old, limited curriculum info

Nursery 2 - The Premium Choice

Beautiful, modern facilities
Daily app updates (photos, feeding, sleep times)
Comprehensive curriculum
£85/day (affordable for us but still more expensive)
Downside: 15- 20-minute detour each way = 60 minute total extra travel daily there and back for each day he attends.

Nursery 2 is objectively better, but that’s potentially 4 hours weekly just in extra driving. We’re planning to move him to the school nursery at 2 anyway, so this is temporary.

Part of me thinks the convenience will matter more day-to-day, especially in winter, but I’m worried I’m shortchanging him by not choosing the “better” option. Then again, he’s only 3 months - does curriculum really matter at that age?

Any parents dealt with similar decisions? What would you prioritise - convenience or facilities for such a young baby?

Also, are three half days plus one day with the grandparents too much at this age?

Thanks in advance! 💙

Doesn't make it right

Also, in-house care DH is against. He finds it weird as he spends some time working at home and doesn’t want a third party in the house which I understand.

This is the DH who thinks it's okay to leave a weeks' old baby to cry, isn't it?

I wouldn't pay any attention to his opinion.

I’m very pro nursery but think 3 months is very young for that setting and you may be better looking at a part time nanny or childminder. At my DCs nursery they rarely have any under 9 months and they are all in a 0-2 room.

Option 1. Sounds similar to the choice I made and have no regrets. The converted house thing makes for a homely cosy atmosphere and the short journey makes life so much easier if you or DC is tired or even if (when) you get the call to come and bring them home because they have vommed everywhere or have red eyes or any of the other reasons that can and do happen with little ones.

I didn’t send my kids to nursery at 3 months, youngest was 10 months but we went with premium that was a 20min each way commute from home and the opposite direction to work. In my case the staff, quality of premises, food offered and facilities were all better.

I'd go with 1. Unless you have a child with SEND the curriculum won't matter. Caring staff with an interest in playing with the children is all you need.
I mention SEND as if your child does need extra support they will be better with staff who have had extra training and can get the ball rolling with involving other services and will be able to adapt to the child's individual needs. That is a bridge you can cross when it comes to it though and you could look at moving them when they get older if they need more specialised support.

True but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.

Not sure the judgement re putting a 3 month old in childcare is necessary. Presumably everyone who thinks it is inappropriate are in the luxurious position of being able to afford plenty of time off work.

I’d go with option 1 OP, particularly if it’s temporary. Babies don’t need facilities or curriculum - they need nice, caring, well trained/experienced people to look after them. And don’t make life harder for yourself than it needs to be both in terms of finance and time. Working when you have small children is hard enough as it is!

3 months?! Please don’t do that. Why did you even have a baby if you are going to put them in nursery at that age, they need to be with their parent (either one) at such a young age. Neither option of nursery will be good for them.

Ok thank you all, also I know I’ll probably get flamed but does anyone have any studies about the whole primary caregiver scenario being better? I’d like to show my DH as this will help in terms of our decision making.

part of the nursery situation too is because lack of sleep is killing me so being able to catchup some mornings will help because he goes to work and I’m really struggling.

Being self employed, I can then work after I’ve caught up on sleep. Appreciate I’ll get judged but ultimately I am a much better primary caregiver when I’ve slept.

Nanny. You get a nanny. FFS.

Nanny all the way, 3 months is too young for a nursery environment. Your husband can work in a cafe or co working space if there is an issue. And yes the nanny can check her phone as well as helping with some household chores or taking a much deserved break.

So on the one hand, you are incapable of taking care of her. But on the other hand, you think it's too easy a job for a nanny? Make up your mind.

Sleep deprivation does funny things to you. Gentle sleep training would be a far better option (which means putting baby on a schedule) than nursery at 3 months. Also they'll likely come home from nursery an absolute mess meaning sleep is even worse! Or get a nanny!

I’m a massive advocate for nursery, DD started when she was 11 months old and it’s fantastic for us.

But I would never, ever put a 12 week
old baby in nursery. The thought alone makes me really sad for the baby who is only just coming out of the newborn stage.

Nursery 1. You mentioned caring staff which is the most important thing. Cheaper and easier to get to as well. Your baby doesn't need fancy facilities.

Same, from around a year to 2 yes old depending on the child a 3 month old is a literal newborn

Don’t do it. This makes me so sad. Lack of sleep is part and parcel of being a mum. I know it’s hard but you just need to suck it up. I can’t believe you’d put a tiny baby in a nursery with strangers just so you can sleep…. Sorry but this is shocking.

This all sounds like an attempt by your baby's father to opt out of any hands on parenting. Baby years are hard, I had non sleepers. But you don't just find the most convenient nursery to chuck them in because you need a sleep.

Maybe you should go and ask some French women why their fertility rate is the highest in Europe when so many of them go back to work when their babies are three months old. 🙄

3 months old is so tiny. I’d also go with a nanny.
Here you have some studies: https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/study-of-early-education-and-development-seed

The nursery we used took them from six weeks, and I do know a couple of mums
who had to go back to work that early as work didn’t pay any enhanced maternity pay. Mine didn’t start until 12 months but the babies were so doted on at that nursery. You’d often arrive to find the woman in reception cuddling a tiny one or wearing him/her in a sling. The baby room was a lovely snug nurturing environment with a sofa where staff could sit and hold the babies.

Check the ratios, do they have CCTV? I’d go with the one that is more caring. That’s more important than a curriculum. Convenience of location will make your days a lot easier too and ultimately give you a bit more time with your baby.

Is your husband pulling his weight overnight? I feel like there’s a bit more than meets the eye going on here.

She’s not solely doing it for work reasons though! She’s planning to shove the baby in a nursery and run home to sleep!!! I mean what the actual f…..??? And why can’t her husband leave the house to work in a cafe or co working space as another poster pointed out - why is his comfort to work from home being prioritised over a newborn baby’s right to be in the comfort of its home space and not dumped with strangers.

I hate judging other parenting styles but both parents sound selfish, weak and irresponsible here. 12 weeks old ffs.

Why bother even having a baby if you’re not prepared to look after it?

What do you think will happen to the baby if its " too much" ?