Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

What thread have you been reading?!

Wow.

It's a quirk in probability statistics, known as the 'Birthday Paradox'. Five of you with one child each is ten people. The chance of two having the same birthday in a random group of ten (though it could be two of the children or the adults, not necessarily one of each) is 10%.

I cannot abide women who start arguments that they can’t win and then squeal victim when they’ve dug themselves a hole.

This is amusing because P seems like that kind of person, and you were at least initially trying to find excuses for her behaviour.

Looking deeper, you have these possible pairs of people (call them A to J):
AB BC CD DE EF FG GH HI IJ
AC BD CE DF EG FH GI HJ
AD BE CF DG EH FI GJ
AE BF CG DH EI FJ
AF BG CH DI EJ
AG BH CI DJ
AH BI CJ
AI BJ
AJ
That's 45 possible combinations of two days. Randomly selecting a number from 365 ninety times, 10% chance of one duplicate seems feasible. Others may correct if I've slipped up anywhere.

P sounds awful.

That didn’t happen 😂

Did you GENUINELY wonder when you started this thread whether P was unreasonable to go tonto because W is being induced on her birthday?

You really are banging on though! Everyone has said P is ridiculous, therefore you know you were correct on your take of the situation. Everyone has said W cannot choose her induction date, therefore she’s done nothing wrong. What else do you want??? Again, you ALL need to grow up! You’s are nearly 40 fgs!

Lots of people have said that both W and I are wrong. I’m asking those people why.

No one is asking you to be here. I haven’t said a single thing that isn’t a reply since the start of the thread so not sure how I can “banging on” unless everyone else is “banging on” too.

If you have such an issue with me conversing with other posters on the thread I started, you can go. It doesn’t impact you.

I wasn’t 100% sure.

Initially, I thought P was entirely wrong. But when, in real life, another (neutral) friend cut me off (seemingly) for that stance, I questioned it. So I asked for opinions here. Perfectly politely, reasonably and in line with all the rules and expectations of the forum.

Since then, I have had nastiness, troll-hunting, rudeness and a million bizarre comments that I need to grow up and so does W (who may not even be aware this is happening). I’ve also had several posters invent their own version of events and spout them as if they’re the situation when they aren’t. Then other posters pick up on those “facts” (which aren’t true and didn’t come from me) and attack me for those.

So, yes, when that poster just flat-out lied about me in her smug, holier-than-thou comment, I pointed out that her lie never happened. Is that ok with you?

Calling posters "nasty bitches saying nasty bitchy things and then squeal victim when they’ve dug themselves a hole". is not really posting 'perfectly politely'.

Yes some people might have been rude, but you take it to a whole new level.

I responded exactly in kind to those posters. And, like I said, I posted perfectly politely - then I had nasty, bitchy comments. Me calling a spade a spade isn’t the problem here.

So, yes, when that poster just flat-out lied about me in her smug, holier-than-thou comment, I pointed out that her lie never happened. Is that ok with you?

See, now you're being obnoxious to me, when all I did was ask whether you genuinely believed P may not have been wrong, which is partly why I think many posters are so incredulous. Have it your way though.

At least we know what P, W and the OP have in common and why they are friends (in between not speaking to each other) 😂

If that's the drama about birthdays, I want to know more about weddings and hen parties 😂😂

Oh come off it. “All I did was innocently ask a simple question”… no, you didn’t 😂 You wouldn’t have quoted the comment thread you did you did if you were genuinely asking.

Had you asked it as a stand-alone comment (as others already have) without intentionally aligning your comment with an already hostile response, I wouldn’t have assumed (correctly, from your follow up) that you were having a pop.

Which poster called you a nasty bitch?

did you miss the word "since" ? used to note events in chronological order?

OP said her initial post was perfectly polite (which it was)
then she got a number of rude replies, and responded back in the same vein, which she's never denied.

I agree with her, if you can't take it, don't dish it out.

I know which one I’d rather have as a friend. I’m too old for stroppy friends that create drama over nothing.

Thank you! I can’t understand the idea that these women think they can be rude but, if I say a word back, I’m out of order. It’s utterly bizarre and I have no doubt they wouldn’t behave like that in the real world. That along with the “moi? Rude? Never! I was genuinely asking a simple question with no malicious intent (that’s been asked and answered several times)”

I didn't say "innocently ask a simple question". You just made that up.

I am incredulous, as it appears are many others, that YOU innocently started this thread, and were genuinely wondering whether P was being unreasonable in objecting to W having baby on P's birthday. My comment was 'aligned' with a supposedly hostile comment precisely because said poster seemed to be expressing the scepticism that many have with this scenario - namely that you could ever have entertained the idea P was NBU.

But actually, I don't care. I was just passing the time of day and from the way you have responded, it's sounds as if at least 2 out of 3 people in this weird, weird scenario are very well matched. Which could go some way to explaining why you did not immediately realise that P was completely unreasonable, irrespective of any others friends' reactions.

Really weird behaviour from P, personally I'd be delighted if a friend had a baby on my birthday! I always think it is lovely to share a birthday with someone, and that would include a close friend's child! If this is out of character, could she be suffering some sort of mental breakdown?

You said I was unreasonably rude to you by saying “is that ok with you?” when “all I did was ask”… Except that’s not true. It’s not “all” you did, as you’ve now admitted.

The tone of your comment was entirely befitting the tone of mine. I have no idea why you feel that you’ve been unfairly treated.

This is going to sound a bit bonkers but hear me out. Could P and the gang go for a birthday celebration near to the place W is being induced? I don’t mean race it up on the ward, but maybe a restaurant down the street? Then if the magic happens, great, you’re all there to join in and what’s better to celebrate a birthday and an actual day of birth for someone you all care about. Or if it doesn’t pan out for that day, W can come join in the fun with p, and at least they won’t have to go far.

I think this sounds hilarious!

But, no, haha. The day itself is a weekday and some of us work. The birthday lunch is the weekend prior.