Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP, why on earth would you even entertain the idea that P is in the right?

You've asked why some posters are telling you to grow up. I'm not them so can only assume, but I think it's probably because you seem much too easily swayed by the opinions of others.

The way you set out your OP makes it crystal clear that W has done nothing wrong. But apparently you were considering blaming her because... some other friend is not messaging you? Is that really enough for you to blame a good friend for having a baby on the 'wrong' day?

If that's how easily you're swayed then yeah, that seems quite immature.

If you're not that easily swayed, then I don't understand why you'd even bother starting this thread.

FFS. This! ⬆️ 🤦‍♀️

No they haven’t. No one has said W is wrong. You’re banging on as in continually posting about a non incident. EVERYONE has said P is ridiculous, YOU think/know P is ridiculous, yet you keep posting, wanting verification 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Like I and many others have said, grow up, act your age not your shoe size. That applies to all of you. And you say you don’t love drama 🤔 🦙

Lucky W, now that P will never speak to her again. P is an absolute lunatic.

The post immediately above yours says W needs to grow up. But sure, keep inventing that no one said W has done anything wrong…

Then you’ve said it too 😂😂 You can leave my thread if you don’t like me posting responses to people. No need at all for you to be here “banging on”. Are you honestly such a hypocrite that you think I shouldn’t reply to people speaking directly to me but you should voice your opinion when no one asked you?

Why are you posting at all if you don’t want the thread to continue? As usual, just always needing the last word (even when it’s wrong).

Honestly, I would bother trying to point this out...You can't argue with stupid! 😂

Apt initial P has, since she’s truly taking the P.

Yes, we’d all love to know how that would go!!!

Seriously, OP - you really need to ask?!!!

Wait, the birth/induction day is in the week and the lunch is the weekend prior? P is actually crazy!!!

Someone should tell P that the baby will probably be born the following day, too. And that she needs to grow up 😆

Why does W need to grow up?

To be fair, some people have said that both P and W are at fault, and that W needs to grow up. OP is perfectly reasonable to query what they think W has done wrong.

They ALL need to grow up! They’re acting like primary school kids. They’re nearly 40 fgs, it’s ridiculous. Drama much.

Saying W needs to grow up isn’t saying she’s done anything wrong. The whole thread is filled with posts saying you’s need to grow up. 🤷‍♀️
I’ve asked you many time what exactly you want from this thread now, as you have the answers you came for - again, just wondering why you keep spouting the same rubbish out over and over?
Voice my opinion when no one asked me 😂😂😂😂 you know how chat sites work, right? 😂😂😂😂 Or maybe not as you’re so immature 🤷‍♀️

But yes, as a pp said, you can’t argue with stupid. Very true, very apt.

In order, W is perhaps a bit unreasonable to put so much emphasis on celebrating birthdays etc when she's nearing 40. A little immature maybe but harmless.

OP is unreasonable to turn on a friend (W) just based on the opinions of others. Feels a need to fit in with the group (one friend and P have stopped contacting her, therefore she started convincing herself that W is in the wrong). Immature and not a very good friend.

P is incredibly unreasonable to be making another woman giving birth all about her. Selfish and incredibly immature. A rubbish friend.

So yeah, everyone needs to grow up.

Whoever isn’t being induced needs to get over themselves. Induction is not a nice thing to have done, and I would bet money on your friend not choosing to have it unless there was a reason. She probably didn’t choose the date either, if it’s early and planned it will be scheduled around when the hospital can do it and also for the health of mum and baby.

Is your friend honestly expecting her to postpone her induction to attend her birthday party? What happens if something happens to mum or baby in the mean time or at her actual party? She’d probably get the hump then for taking the attention away from her.

Your friend needs to grow up, it’s her birthday. I really don’t understand why grown adults are so sensitive over birthday parties. It really is just another day. There’s 364 other days she could have her party on. If her friend being there is so important, why doesn’t she rearrange it for when the baby is here?

If she hasn’t done anything wrong, why would she need to grow up? I know the thread is full of people saying that. Idiots tend to copy other idiots. Not one person can explain why - and you just denied anyone was criticising W! Now you’re saying loads of people are. Make up your mind!

Are you always so difficult and immature? You need to grow up.

Who do you think you are to demand I stop posting unless I get your consent? You’re not the Queen! I don’t give a single shit about whether you think I’m allowed to post. Despite not actually needing your consent, I’ve answered your question repeatedly - you’re still having your little strop.

I know how chat sites work - do you? You’re the one telling me I’m not allowed to speak. I never said you can’t, I questioned why you keep talking when no one spoke to you if you think I’m not allowed to speak when directly spoken to. You haven’t been able to answer that because the only answer is “I’m an undeniable raging hypocrite”.

What do you want? Why do you keep posting? Maybe I should take your advice and stop arguing with stupid.

P is not very nice, let’s hope with children, these women grow up.

Can’t work out if OP is a troll, it’s a really odd thread. The original dilemma was actually really interesting, and I’d been hoping for some updates on the whole P and W situation. However each notification of a new update is just the OP having a slanging match with random posters. Then she keeps wondering why people are telling her to grow up.

Not sure if OP realises you can just simply ignore the posters that are being rude… 🤷‍♀️

P is completely fucking mental. I’m amazed you’d have to ask.

I assume the op actually is P what with the responses.

I appreciate what you’ve said - I could ignore them being rude.

However, I do find it odd that you have no issue with them being rude but have taken issue with me replying to that rudeness. I do not understand why, again and again, being rude to an OP is perfectly fine on this forum but the OP responding in kind calls for criticism. I wasn’t rude to anyone who wasn’t rude to me for absolutely no reason - and, at this point, it’s somewhat a point of principle that I won’t be bullied off my thread by posters telling me I’m not allowed to reply to people while they repeatedly post (I am not saying you are one of those posters, to be clear)

I’m not a troll. I can’t update on the situation when nothing has happened since I posted. And, when there is an update, why would I share it when I’ve had so many unnecessarily rude replies?

I don’t agree that I need to grow up. I think the people who need to grow up are those who come on here and get their jollies by being rude to strangers for no reason and then cannot cope when someone claps back. Adults aren’t shocked when people treat you how you treated them first.

As I’ve said several times, I haven’t been anything other than extremely polite to a single person who wasn’t rude to me first. I don’t understand why being rude to people who started a conversation rudely makes me the bad guy. As another poster said, if they can’t take it back, they shouldn’t give it out.

It’s not evident from this thread but those posters have followed me around the site, tagged me in other posts, commented on several other things about me and using my handle and spread their nasty responses far and wide - and then come back like butter wouldn’t melt on here pretending they’ve not said or done anything wrong.

I've explained why. You're just ignoring my posts because you don't like what I'm saying. Fair enough, but don't pretend people haven't explained why you should all grow up.

I cant understand the people arguing with you OP. They need to grow up. I wouldn't waste any more energy engaging with them.

Hopefully you got some useful info in that many agree P is out of order. And I agree with you W has done nothing wrong at all.

People are consistently saying P is in the wrong.
I can’t see people stating W is in the wrong as it’s obvious she isn’t.

But people are stating overall that P needs to grow up and the tone of your responses and argumentative stance is also leading people to suggest that “everyone” needs to grow up - accepting that W should be excluded from this “everyone” group.

You’ve had a fair few of your own posts deleted by MN and aren’t taking on board that everyone thinks P is unreasonable. What more do you want?
People don’t understand why you require validation that P is in the wrong. But they’ve given you that validation anyway.

I don’t think I have often heard anything so ludicrous. P sounds like a narcissist of the highest order and if any of the other people give her any support in this they are encouraging her total self-centredness and belief that the world has to revolve around her.

There are many factors for a woman and her doctors to consider when deciding the date for an early induction, but "Is it the birthday of someone you know?" is not one of them.