AIBU to say No I cannot move my fucking birthday!!

[WiseFinch]

Hard hat ready here as I know I’m being self centered.
I invited friends about two months ago on a night out to celebrate my birthday. Of the 6 people I invited, 3 suggested we “do another weekend” immediately. To which I said well no, my birthday is that weekend! Now at the last minute the others have pulled out, all suggesting we “just do a different weekend.”
I know this is fairly immature but if we did another weekend the night out would just be another night out, it’d be over a week past my birthday at the minimum so at that point I’d be completely over it and it defeats the purpose of the night out.
The fact that all 6 people have suggested to just move the date makes me think I am being crazy but I personally would never ask somebody to move their own fucking birthday ? If I couldn’t make it I’d politely decline. Am I being unreasonable or crazy about this?!

Completely Concur With You

Yes I feel this too, of course it would be completely understandable if they've their Children to look after or another immensely valid reason for being unable to make Her Birthday
But from what I've seen commented, it doesn't seem valid understandable reasons were given 💚🫂💚

YANTA, get rid of them "friends" and 2 Months in advance and bailed out? They'll be jealous you'll get all attention and not them. Go out with others and cut them off.

Have you got something bigger going on here? Is everything going ok with your partner? Did your family let you down a lot as a kid?

I think it’s very normal to move a birthday to a date that suits friends with busy lives but I wonder if this situation is triggering some other deeply rooted feelings.

I can see both sides.

You gave them 2 months notice, and they still couldn’t make it. That said it is wedding season and super busy. Are they going somewhere without you? I would ask…

Totally agree! I would not be happy if all 6 of them decided another weekend would be better. Birthdays are important! The day is special and people who love you should be prepared to make an effort for it, or at least within a day or two.

I’m prob out of touch but what is with it with all these adults prioritising their birthdays and expecting everyone to drop everything?! On the thread above someone’s being expected to move their induction so it doesn’t clash with a friend’s birthday. FFS 🤦🏼‍♀️

Definitely not a real
birthday get together if it’s weeks or months afterwards, it’s just not the same and slightly embarrassing at that point!!

Of course her bday isnt a priority for them, why would it be?

I presume they have families, jobs, potentially other plans that weekend as well otherwise they wouldnt be suggesting moving a date. You dont need to celebrate on your actual birthday.

Yeah me too I'm totally not getting it, I'd no idea grown adults made such a big deal of a birthday. It's literally a day you fell out of a vagina!
I agree with celebrating but that's it, a celebration doesnt need to be on a specific date or doing a specific thing, its crazy entitlement from people to expect others to drop or change commitments.

Most children wouldn't behave like this. Ie if their bday falls on a Tuesday a child will understand the party cant be until the weekend.

I don't celebrate my birthdays and find it a bit childish past the age of maybe 20, tbh. That said, I wouldn't ask to move anyone's bday date, I'd just decline the invitation. And what I personally find the most shitty, is those 3 friends initially accepting, and THEN still trying to move your bday to a different day now that it's here. That's shitty. If I promise I'll be somewhere - I most definitely will be. Except for a real, genuine emergency like illness, funeral. Not just 'meh, I'm tired today'.

My mother is like this. She's fucking 58. And 'celebrates' her bday the actual day on the dot, doesn't matter if it's the middle of the week, if it's pissing down and she wants to be outside, if someone's sick, if people can't make it - on the dot, and if you suggest moving it to the closest weekend for example, she reacts if you'd just offered to roast and eat a baby. It's seriously pathetic.

I have a birthday month. Much more fun and I get to properly interact with all my friends vs a party when you only get limited time with people before needing to mingle. I love birthday month!

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. You can feel how you feel and it’s valid.

If you were having a party would they just not turn up? Like you said the weekend after is not your birthday and you wanted to do something on your birthday.

I think I’d have to be petty and say you can’t do the next weekend. Is there anything else you can organise with others for you actual birthday?

Well the alternative is just that they don’t come. So you can either do another date or not celebrate with them at all… depends what’s more important to you. Unless you think they should cancel their existing plans to celebrate your birthday?

This site is very divided on birthdays, hence all the differing replies.

I do think you are being unreasonable, the whole world isn't coming to a standstill on the day, just because its your birthday.

If they all have something on and cannot make it, they have other plans which are better than yours, sorry.

But as per your thread title, it would appear you are a bit demanding and so perhaps they think that also?

If you think about it realistically, does it really matter that much if you celebrate with friends on the day or a week or two later. You will have another next year.....

They're asking you to celebrate with them on a different day so they can all come and be with you. I don't see the harm in being a bit flexible.
It's not a sign that they don't care, they're just busy.

Are you W in @tornad 's AIBU: "Breakdown in friend group - who is right?" ?!

Depends if you want to keep the friendship group. They must be wanting to change it for a reason. Is it summer? Are there social diaries full? This is not just about you. It is about sharing your birthday celebration with your friends. How would each one react if the same thing happened to them? Would they be flexible or throw a wobbly?

Also, a two months heads up for a general birthday get together is a bit too advance notice. It is not like a wedding where it is a once in a lifetime thing (hopefully). I think this might be more of an issue as people have things going on and possibly didn't diarize a day for a night out in two months time.

I do agree that it's shit when you can't celebrate on your actual birthday, but sometimes it just can't be helped and you have to suck it up

My poor BFF is having to celebrate her 40th a MONTH after her actual birthday so that her uni mates can attend..... A MONTH!!! FFS but she's doing it as that's what it takes so we can all be together to celebrate

I think it depends. If they are all just being a bit flakey then YANBU. If they have good reasons not to be there on the weekend of your birthday but will definitely commit to being there the week after, then YABU. It doesn't matter than much which day it is. It's still a celebration of your birthday with your friends.

They aren't asking you to move your birthday 😂They are saying they can't do that weekend, can you all celebrate together another weekend.
You are either monumentally dim or deliberately acting like a small child.

I think this is great. The fact you’re angry about all of your main friends not being able to make a specific date on your birthday, means you’ve got nothing much else to be angry / upset about (or if you have I can’t for the life of me think why you’d expend negative energy on this small issue). Which, is brilliant! Enjoy your stress free life - chill out and set another date they can make, imagine That’s your birthday, it isn’t difficult if you set your mind to it.

I think when it is a "big birthday" eg 40th then it is quite normal to have the celebration any time in the year of the birthday. My 40th and 50th parties were both in Sept, even though my birthday is Nov. Not so normal if you are just going for a few drinks for your 43rd. That needs to be close-ish or just forget it!

They're not asking you to move your birthday. They're asking to celebrate it on a convenient day a week either side of your birthday, which is completely normal for adults.