AIBU to say No I cannot move my fucking birthday!!

[WiseFinch]

Hard hat ready here as I know I’m being self centered.
I invited friends about two months ago on a night out to celebrate my birthday. Of the 6 people I invited, 3 suggested we “do another weekend” immediately. To which I said well no, my birthday is that weekend! Now at the last minute the others have pulled out, all suggesting we “just do a different weekend.”
I know this is fairly immature but if we did another weekend the night out would just be another night out, it’d be over a week past my birthday at the minimum so at that point I’d be completely over it and it defeats the purpose of the night out.
The fact that all 6 people have suggested to just move the date makes me think I am being crazy but I personally would never ask somebody to move their own fucking birthday ? If I couldn’t make it I’d politely decline. Am I being unreasonable or crazy about this?!

Have you asked if any of them are free on your actual birthday? Not to go out out but to just meet up, hopefully find a cafe open after work hours (all round here close at 4pm!). Explain you will have your birthday alone and would like some company.

It doesn’t sound like you actually enjoying going for a big night out so arrange something smaller on the actual day.

You’re really overthinking this!

If we don’t take posts at face value and believe posters, then there’s not much point being on here, is there?

Bloody hell, that’s unkind. I bet you wouldn’t say that to anyone in real life.

Have you set up a group chat to plan it @WiseFinch ?

I can find that these types of conversations happen on group chats, as people gain strength from each other.

I think this whole situation could've been avoided if you'd taken the first 3's input that you'd chosen a bad date

You tried to organise a weekend away to celebrate your birthday with friends but that date didn’t suit some initially and then others back out too…….it happens, you tried once and to be honest I wouldn’t bother again.

As an adult if I want to do something to mark my birthday with my friends, I arrange it for a weekend they can do. You can insist it be on your birthday weekend but then you have to accept if they can’t make it.

That said, it’s rude of the ones who accepted to then pull out.

How old are you?

They aren’t asking you to ‘move your birthday’. Your birthday will still take place as usual. They’re asking to celebrate it with you a different day so they can attend, which is entirely normal. I quite often have a birthday meal or occasion with friends in honour of my birthday a week or even several offset from my birthday so we can all make it as everyone has a lot going on! And the company is more important to me than the date.

Your friends didn't know that weekend was your birthday before? Didn't think to set aside time for you before you asked? Wow. I'm so lucky with my friends.

I would be upset by this tbh.

Hope you can do something else given all 6 have said no...

OP I think your original post was unclear but am I right in thing you're not annoyed because 3 people said straight away they were not available but you're annoyed with the three people who said they'd come and then backed out at the last minute. If so YABU. This whole "I'm not moving my birthday" spiel is a bit of a red herring.

Surely the crucial missing information is what the friends are already committed to that weekend? If they have plans made before your birthday are you expecting them to move their plans? If it’s a case of a couple of them already having plans, then the rest may be suggesting moving so that everyone can come, thinking you’d prefer to have all your friends there.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, you gave plenty of notice. What are the reasons people have given?
Have you got someone to spend you birthday with? Mum? Sister?

That's pretty much how it goes as you get older. I have a group of 8 friends and for nights out we usually put out 6 dates and see what date most people can do. People have children, work commitments, weddings, family celebrations and holidays to consider. Honestly just move it to another date that suits everyone.

As a mid-winter birthday, I do my big birthday celebration in April, because 'the day' can be so dodgy for travel. If you think of it as a celebration of reaching the age you have, rather than a celebration of a particular day, then the pressure to do stuff on a particular day is off.

After all, people are celebrating you, not the calendar.

Sod em, you asked with plenty of notice.
I would be disappointed too, hope you can celebrate your day in another special way without them.
Birthdays only happen on the day you were born, not weeks later.

Tbh no a friends birthday isn't a main priority for me -.and I suspect for most others it isn't either

Doesn't mean I don't care about the friend, if I couldn't do the weekend they wanted them id definitely offer doing something at a later date like they have

I don't think its a big deal to just go out the weekend before your birthday instead of the weekend after is it? People have busy lives and commitments, and it can be a nightmare trying to get a date that works for everyone.

I'd be annoyed about the 2 friends who said yes then pulled out, because its rude.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Fuck ‘em!

I'm with you, OP. It isn't a birthday celebration if it doesn't happen in the week of your birthday.

It's hard to say whether your friends are being unreasonable without knowing why they can't make the date you suggested.

On the plus side, at least they didn't agree to come and then flake out at the last minute, which would be even worse.

Is there anyone else you could celebrate with on the day, even if it's just going out for a meal? A family member maybe?

I think part of the problem is you wanting to book your friends two months in advance of your birthday - and not a special birthday at that!

You've made it into a big event and that's why you're upset at the suggestions of changes. Next year just ask a week or so ahead and don't be hung up on the particular date.

Her friend’s birthday shouldn’t be a big priority… I just don’t get why some adults are so precious about their birthday…

Why? It's true! They had plenty of notice of the date.

It is rude of people to drop out after agreeing but some had already said the date didn’t work so you either go out on your birthday weekend solo or you celebrate with friends a different weekend

Maybe because I’m a Christmas baby between the no man’s land/everyone’s broke time between Christmas and NYE, this wouldn’t really bother me and I’d just do something else.

IMO moving the night out isn’t the same as moving your birthday - they still want to celebrate it with you, just on a different date.