AIBU to say No I cannot move my fucking birthday!!

[WiseFinch]

Hard hat ready here as I know I’m being self centered.
I invited friends about two months ago on a night out to celebrate my birthday. Of the 6 people I invited, 3 suggested we “do another weekend” immediately. To which I said well no, my birthday is that weekend! Now at the last minute the others have pulled out, all suggesting we “just do a different weekend.”
I know this is fairly immature but if we did another weekend the night out would just be another night out, it’d be over a week past my birthday at the minimum so at that point I’d be completely over it and it defeats the purpose of the night out.
The fact that all 6 people have suggested to just move the date makes me think I am being crazy but I personally would never ask somebody to move their own fucking birthday ? If I couldn’t make it I’d politely decline. Am I being unreasonable or crazy about this?!

Not one of my friends birthday is a priority to me over every day life stuff and family needs. So I’m guessing ops birthday isn’t a priority which is ok

They clearly can't do the date you've suggested so either you move it or you celebrate on your own. Sounds like a no-brainer to me if you want to celebrate "out" with your friends.

The thing is, it's the summer, people are busy. I hear you @WiseFinch but as a fellow summer birthday, I've got used to people often not being able to make it. I had a big birthday last year and booked my party on a weekend that wasn't my birthday as the weekends either side were sissy taken by other people. But there were still a group of friends that were at a camping weekend and others who were at Glastonbury, kids' birthdays and other things. You just have to accept that not everyone can do every weekend/date. I've got no weekends free in June and only one free in July this year!

This is my thought too, sounds like they have arranged a separate event.

Course not.
Same as some of the utterly brutal replies on the thread about a close friend announcing her engagement on what should have been the OPs wedding day.

Social lives are busy and if you want to celebrate your birthday with these friends, they need to be available. Making plans involves flexibility on dates as people can have existing plans. It isn't a snub to be otherwise engaged.

You aren't expected to move your birthday - just when you meet these friends.

I understand that you may feel hurt, angry, upset etc but you can't host an event if the guests can't come. The choices are schedule it when everyone is available, scale it back to whoever is available or cancel it.

A night out is a night out, OP! @WiseFinch

Get a few cocktails down you, and you’ll be fine!

Or, they're on holiday, at weddings etc. Plenty of legitimate reasons why people may not be available

I'm in agreement with this. When you ask people if they can attend an event and they are busy but suggest another day then that isn't them asking to move your birthday or not prioritising it, they are just busy.

The 3 people that agreed and then dropped out are the problem and that would be a problem even if it wasn't a celebration.

Personally I don't have any issues celebrating my birthday on a date that isn't my birthday but if I said I want to celebrate my birthday on my birthday and my friends said they couldn't because of some poor excuse like they just didn't fancy it then it would make me view our friendship very differently. If they were busy or short of money then that's very different and totally understandable.

I move celebrations all the time. Everyone in my house has had their birthday on a different day at some point. No one seems to mind. I agree with a po, try and look at it as your friends want to celebrate with you hence suggesting you move it rather than declining.

My DD has a late August birthday. She had to celebrate with her friends a week or two late every year because so many school age kids are away then. I’m sure if a child can manage it you can OP. Your friends aren’t expecting you to move your birthday, just the date if a night out. Not a big deal at all. I moved my 40th weekend away to accommodate a teacher friend who couldn’t get away in term time. Being with people I like is more important than an actual date.

Let the friends respond NO if they can't come on that date.
You go out and celebrate on your birthday alone.

Then give yourself a birthday gift of going out with your mates at a date which suits many of them. Have fun.

No one by the sounds of it.

3 of them suggested another weekend immediately

I can't imagine just ignoring this and saying no

You aren’t even going out on your birthday in your original plan! You’ve said your birthday is on Monday and you’re going out on the weekend.

For a regular birthday, not a significant one, I honestly can’t see a problem in shifting the celebration date by a week or two in either direction if it means your mates are free to come.

I appreciate your feeling hurt and let down, but the suggestion to move a night out for a birthday is a very reasonable one.

So the date you've suggested isn't even your 'actual' birthday anyway?

Give your head a wobble, OP. Your friends WANT to celebrate with you that is why they've asked for another date, because they're all busy for the first suggested one. By all means go out on the original date on your tod if you'd prefer.

Does the date clash with something?

We move DC’s party date to later in the summer for better weather and to avoid the week where they have a lot of tests at school. Often celebrate mine on a different day to catch the weekend/time friends and family are about.

If you celebrate it the day you want they are not going to assist. You can celebrate it with other people, you can celebrate it twice, or you can not celebrate it. That is up to you.
Why they are not going? Who knows, but they aren't going.
Are you unreasonable to feel gutted? No, you aren't. What are you going to do next? If they are very good friends I honestly will celebrate it twice, if they are not that friends I wouldnt bother to invite them next year tbh. If they don't bother why should I.

I think fair enough that you wanted your birthday on your birthday weekend, which made it also fair enough that 3 people declined immediately because there wasn't flexibility. I think what is bad is you 3 friends who said they could come pulling out last minute, unless it was for an emergency/illness which I doubt it is for a 3 at once. If they said they could come that weekend, they should come.

You over thought that

I would be irritated by someone saying - I can't attend, move it to X date and I will. I would not be irritated by someone saying sorry I can't attend that weekend but would love to come if you did end up doing a different date. I think it is mad to care whether the celebration is on the day or 6 weeks later - it makes no difference as an adult when you are working that day anyway. Just treat it like any other day and celebrate it later. Why would you be 'over it' two weeks later, surely if you aren't doing anything a birthday isn't exciting anyway so the date is irrelevant? I get the frustration about not being able to do a proper celebration but I'd just message round again and say - friends, I'm feeling sad being alone on mu birthday so please give me something to look forward to, let's get a date agreed and do something fun. Then hopefully you encourage people to commit and remain committed.

Hmm. They've got something else on, to which you aren't invited.
Move on without them.

“The fact that all 6 people have suggested to just move the date makes me think I am being crazy”

You got it, OP. Even children have birthday parties at the weekend rather than in their ACTUAL birthday if it’s more convenient. Please, get over yourself - and enjoy an excuse to celebrate with your friends even if it’s a month after your birthday. (For logistical and family reasons, we celebrated my DSis’s 60th birthday 3 months after her actual birthday - nobody died and a good time was had by all.)

They've had plenty of notice so what's more important that they couldn't celebrate your birthday? Very rude of them.

I don't feel you're being unreasonable
It's strange every single one of them declines your actual Birthday night
I'm sorry you're experiencing this upset