AIBU to say No I cannot move my fucking birthday!!

[WiseFinch]

Hard hat ready here as I know I’m being self centered.
I invited friends about two months ago on a night out to celebrate my birthday. Of the 6 people I invited, 3 suggested we “do another weekend” immediately. To which I said well no, my birthday is that weekend! Now at the last minute the others have pulled out, all suggesting we “just do a different weekend.”
I know this is fairly immature but if we did another weekend the night out would just be another night out, it’d be over a week past my birthday at the minimum so at that point I’d be completely over it and it defeats the purpose of the night out.
The fact that all 6 people have suggested to just move the date makes me think I am being crazy but I personally would never ask somebody to move their own fucking birthday ? If I couldn’t make it I’d politely decline. Am I being unreasonable or crazy about this?!

OP I'm with you. You asked two month's in advance. The original three people who said no aren't the issue. The ones who said yes, and have then pulled out, are rude.

This is Mumsnet where friends can't be reasonably expected to do anything for you, but here in the real world, friends make time for each other. My close friends always keep my birthday clear so we can do something, as I do for them. It's one day a year. It's hardly a big ask.

Why not celebrate your birthday on the day with friends/family who are available and see other friends for a general catch up later.

@WiseFinch I know this is fairly immature

Well, yes. I thought birthdays stopped being a big deal once someone's age reaches double digits. I am astonished that there are people who actually care this much about their birthday.

I have a child with a Christmas birthday and we've always had their party a month or two after Christmas (the alternative is to not have their good friends there). It's fine.

During Covid, there was a fashion round here for all the kids having "4 and 3/4" or "6 and 2/3" parties, depending on when we were in lockdown. We still have some of the invites - "Alice will be turning 6 and 34/45ths. Join us in the park for some socially distanced fun. Cake will be individually wrapped cupcakes and we request that adults wear face masks if possible."

That said, it's rude to drop out without a very good reason if they RSVP'd yes. People have become very lax on things like this.

@WiseFinch what is the reason they all want to move it to the following weekend?

All 6?....🤔🤭

It must feel hurtfulthat you asked weeks in advance, 3 suggested another date and now the others have cancelled. Did they say why that weekend was so difficult for all 6? You say none of you have children, but if they are married, have partners, then they are the priority. Do you have any family you could go out to dinner with instead? You can treat yoyrsrlf if it is doable, maybe a spa day/weekend or go away somewhere, do a fun activity you have never tried, a day trip etc. Treat yourself. Do you have a partner to celebrate with? Don't let this get you down, but as adults we have to be mature and realise friends have lives too and it isn't like being 18. Happy birthday in advance. 🎉🎁🎉

It’s a bit precious of you, my friends and I celebrate birthdays on dates which work for the majority, this means celebrations are often before or after the birthday date. Nobody bats an eye

What are they up to on your birthday?

But 3 of them up front said they couldn’t do the weekend you chose. You surely can’t be suggesting that they change their plans because you the Birthday Princess are more important than their other plans?! Are you 6? Even then it would be unreasonable. The other 3 probably thought it would be better to switch so that more of them can come. YABVU.

Postponing just means you get longer birthday celebrations anyway.

Your friends are indicating that your birthday isn’t a priority for them

If people are already committed to something, then there isn't anything they can do about that, however much of a priority it might be for them. Three of the group let her know months ago they couldn't make that date.
As pp has said, the fact they want to see if everyone can get together another weekend indicates to me that they would really like to celebrate with her. the actual date of the meet up isn't important, but the being together as a group is.

Well, what if you already had plans for something else that you paid for. Then what?

Oh and they’re not asking you to move your birthday, just your birthday celebration with that particular group. You’re being ridiculous.

Im on your side OP if my birthday falls on a weekend/public holiday (which I think everybody's does every few years) id expect to celebrate it on the day not a week later

Sounds like they're just busy though & if they can't make it they can't make it so you might be on your own. No need to celebrate later on though just have a bad birthday & move on.

I had a big birthday last year and I had birthday treats over the last year. It’s been a great fun year.

Seems you have a simple choice.

Stick to some weird principle and sit alone on your birthday with your party hat on and then refuse to have fun with your friends another day so no celebration at all this year.
Or
Do what any normal person would do and think 'Oh, it's a shame people can't make it on the actual day, but how nice everyone still wants to meet up and do {whatever it is you are choosing to do}. I'm lucky to have such a nice group of friends.' Then go out on a date you can all make.

They obviously have better things to do.

You're not being unreasonable, but the more interesting question is: What are you going to do about it?

If it were me, I'd go absolutely silent, not mention it again, and not reach out to any of them. Then see what happens. If you don't hear from them, then you know they weren't really friends and you need to find others.

And I think the real issue is not that they suggested changing the date, but that some pulled out at the last minute.

that is not true by the answers to this thread.

I get not wanting to celebrate after, but it's ok to celebrate in advance. Why do you think people can't make that weekend, is it summer holiday plans?

The first 3 immediate responses suggest there's something going on on that date for most people, though I can't think what that could be

Unless OP is under about 12, why on earth should her birthday be a priority in their lives? Even children often have birthday parties on days that aren’t actually their birthday.

They are busy. This time of year people have a lot of things on at weekends. Not sure why you can’t go on a night out a few days after your bday on the following weekend but if you want to cut your nose off to spite your face then do nothing.

Well they’re busy so maybe use your birthday as an opportunity to grow up?

I would rather celebrate with people when it works than insist it has to be a particular weekend and no one can make it

So i would think what is the most important bit of this? People v birthday there is my answer