AIBU to say No I cannot move my fucking birthday!!

[WiseFinch]

Hard hat ready here as I know I’m being self centered.
I invited friends about two months ago on a night out to celebrate my birthday. Of the 6 people I invited, 3 suggested we “do another weekend” immediately. To which I said well no, my birthday is that weekend! Now at the last minute the others have pulled out, all suggesting we “just do a different weekend.”
I know this is fairly immature but if we did another weekend the night out would just be another night out, it’d be over a week past my birthday at the minimum so at that point I’d be completely over it and it defeats the purpose of the night out.
The fact that all 6 people have suggested to just move the date makes me think I am being crazy but I personally would never ask somebody to move their own fucking birthday ? If I couldn’t make it I’d politely decline. Am I being unreasonable or crazy about this?!

Are you a diva on your birthday? Could your friends be purposefully avoiding going out on the day itself?

I’ve often celebrated before or after my birthday with friends - my 40th was half way between my sister in laws 40th and mine as we had a joint party

But that's a fairly unusual and rigid viewpoint- many people are happy to celebrate their birthday a week or so to either side of it. So your friends are not being unreasonable to suggest moving the celebration.

MN doesn’t really believe you should celebrate adult birthdays, so that’ll be going against you.

Yes, I’d be irritated. Presumably your birthday is the next few weeks and we’re not talking March next year? It’s peak wedding season and so it’s going to be busy I’m afraid. A wedding trumps a birthday night out in most cases. It’s annoying (I have a birthday near a busy social time so I get it having people constantly busy and not able to celebrate with you). If you want to celebrate with your friends though, you’ll have to move the date. Obviously, it’s not your actual birthday but for most people if their birthday is midweek they’ll celebrate it at the weekend. People often celebrate their birthday when it’s convenient. You can still mark the day itself but you get another celebration.

You're not BU as you invited them months ago and it's for your birthday, of course you want to celebrate on the day or as close to the day as possible. Some people don't do anything for their birthdays, that's ok too, but it's perfectly reasonable to want to celebrate.

I'm actually really pleased to read OP that youstick to the tradition of celebrating your birthday on the actual day.
I was absolutely gobsmacked reading on another other current thread that some people celebrate their birthdays for a whole month and have various events.

I think your friends pulling out at last minute abd expecting you to change your plans is extremely inconsiderate and disappointing.

Try having a December birthday

People are weird about birthdays on here. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to change the date of their birthday either.

Maybe just think of something else to do to celebrate and remember to match energy on their birthdays.

If having the OP as a friend was important to these people, they'd make a bit more of an effort to join her on her actual birthday.

As it is, they are happy for a piss-up, but only on a date of their choosing.

Arseholes.

just to clarify, I’ve been super gracious with my friends obviously, said the whole oh it’s ok no worries I get it spiel. I wanted to moan anonymously on here to be honest. Because my whole life I think I’ve managed to pin people down about once for a birthday celebration and I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself. DP is working away for the next month so I will be alone. All I want is a birthday party and I am feeling sorry for myself that is all!

They are not asking you to ‘move your birthday’ they are asking you to move your birthday night out, it’s not the same thing. If you don’t want to then go ahead and celebrate alone! Bet you are a right joy if you have to work on your birthday.

@WiseFinch Where in the country are you? If you're anywhere near me, I'll come!

Gosh, you’re getting some really harsh responses on here. Your friends were U to ask you to move your birthday. The ones who accepted and have all now changed their minds are rude and U.

You asked in plenty of time. What are they doing instead? YANBU.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.

If someone invited me to their birthday night out and I couldn’t go I’d say “Oh no, I’m so sorry but I can’t come because I’m doing XYZ. I hope you have a wonderful night. Can I pop round to yours another time to say hapoy birthday and drop off your pressie?”

I would never reply demanding she move the birthday party to accommodate me.

IF no-one could make the date and the birthday girl herself then suggested moving it that would be a different thing.

I am working all day actually! Ironically enough I do kids parties for a living so at least that’s something!

Aw OP I do feel for you, but try to make the most of it and just celebrate with other family/friends on the day and then this set of friends a week later!

They made it clear they want to celebrate with you but obviously adults are notoriously hard to pin down with their own commitments and lives and families etc so don’t take it personally.

Even small children are fine with this.

Your friends are saying you're important to them, and your celebration is important to them. You'd feel rotten if they all just declined "to be polite".

A night out with friends isn’t a birthday party, though, whatever night it is. And even young children know that you can’t always have your party on your actual birthday. So, I’m afraid you do sound massively unreasonable.

MN is really weird about this. If a woman posts, saying that her h didn’t do anything for her bday, everyone is ‘know your worth, LTB’, but here you are being told you are immature and spoiled and U for expecting your friends to want to celebrate on your birthday and actually turn up? Bizarre.

Are you 12?

Oh the night out actually isn’t on my actual birthday anyway! The actual birthday is on a Monday. So I’ve already forfeited that and I do understand that ! But I’m not moving it AGAIN. Especially as people have bailed the first time. I think I am just feeling sorry for myself.

They've either got something else to do or your birthday is before any of them get paid.

So move it or don't have anybody at all, really.

They're not asking you to "move your birthday" they're telling you when they're free to celebrate. I honestly wouldn't mind celebrating a week later if they could all make it then. I'm assuming they have something on the weekend of your actual birthday?

I know, I can’t get over the posts accusing her of behaving like a child etc. Guess I’m lucky but in my group it’s normal to go out to celebrate each others birthdays. Not everyone can make every one, and often you do a different night from your actual birthday (eg end of week rather than a Monday), but we try as hard as we can. Birthdays are still important when you’re an adult.

Your husband, the man you spend your entire life with, should of course make a fucking effort on your birthday. A card, a gift, flowers, a meal, whatever. Obviously.

Multiple friends don’t have to have a clear calendar all at the same time and manage to join your birthday party/meal/BBQ/orgy just because you must celebrate on the very day of your birth.

OP’s friends are suggesting doing something on a different date. That’s reasonable. She’s being precious. Had she been born early or late she’d have a different birthday. It really doesn’t matter, what matters is that her friends care enough to agree on a different date. People like the OP are so caught up in their maudlin solipsism that they remain hurt even when people are actually making an effort.