AIBU to say No I cannot move my fucking birthday!!

[WiseFinch]

Hard hat ready here as I know I’m being self centered.
I invited friends about two months ago on a night out to celebrate my birthday. Of the 6 people I invited, 3 suggested we “do another weekend” immediately. To which I said well no, my birthday is that weekend! Now at the last minute the others have pulled out, all suggesting we “just do a different weekend.”
I know this is fairly immature but if we did another weekend the night out would just be another night out, it’d be over a week past my birthday at the minimum so at that point I’d be completely over it and it defeats the purpose of the night out.
The fact that all 6 people have suggested to just move the date makes me think I am being crazy but I personally would never ask somebody to move their own fucking birthday ? If I couldn’t make it I’d politely decline. Am I being unreasonable or crazy about this?!

This is not a big deal and (in my friendship group at least) we all celebrate birthday nights on the dates where everyone is free. My birthday is the week before Christmas and often I don’t have my ‘birthday night out’ until January. It’s still my night and we celebrate it

You have a choice-either keep it and celebrate solo, don’t rebook it and forfeit it altogether or move it to a weekend when you can all be together

This will only get worse once kids are on the picture so suck it up now

No, you DON’T sound ‘massively unreasonable’.
If they can’t make it, have they suggested an alternative date or are they expecting you to suggest another that they will feel free to turn down too?
Dont take the responsibility to work out more plans when you gave them 2 months notice already. Let someone else organise meeting up., but not in the name of your birthday.

No im quite similar

i wouldn’t be upset, as others have said we are adults but the moment would have passed for me

Just do it on another weekend when your friends are around or celebrate without them. I had a major birthday and tro of my close friends and I went out for a meal two weeks after my birthday which was great as I got to celebrate again.

Tbh, 6 weeks either side of my actual birthday for celebrating seems fine. I’m in my forties. It’s just nice to catch up with friends. I don’t actually care about my birthday.

Hard agree with this. Husband does nothing on birthday is not the same as friends being busy on the proposed date and suggesting a different weekend

You could celebrate at another time, but

I can't imagine telling my friends when to celebrate their birthday? Saying you should just doing it another weekend is rude.

People pulling out at the last minute because they got another offer are just ill-mannered and unpleasant.

I was hurt when friends did this. They seemed oblivious I was planning it for a reason and moving it meant it was nearer a different friend’s birthday so more a celebration for her. I now celebrate my birthday with dh and only with friends if they suggest it.

I hate planning stuff. I tried to organise a night out and suggested a date but only one could make it so she and I are still going as we’re free… another friend has put in the chat tonight she’s annoyed I only suggested one date. It was the only Saturday I’m free until September (I work on call shifts and have family commitments through the summer). Somehow me trying to organise something made me the bad guy. Urgh, people!

What is this “moment”? What does it feel like?

Do you have a specific feeling on the specific date and time of your birth?

I’m imagining OP at a party rearranged for the week or two after her birthday and she’s just sitting with a jaunty party hat on and a single silent tear rolling down her cheek because all feeling has left her now, the moment has passed, there is no joy to be had 😭

I don't get the issue. It's no different to celebrating on Saturday if your birthday falls on Wednesday.
We moved our DDs 4th birthday 4 days later because DH was away with work, it made no difference.

If I’m arranging anything for my birthday, I write in the group chat to see who is free on x date. If half of the people are saying they cannot do that day, then I move it to a date that everyone can attend (or if we cannot do a date that everyone can do, then the majority)

Gently, people have lives and other commitments and they aren’t always going to be available on your actual birthday weekend. I personally think any time in your birthday month is fine to celebrate.

I don't tend to do stuff for my bit because it's such a pain in the arse! But if a friend invited me out in a date I couldn't do I'd say I'm so sorry I already have plans, can I take you for a cocktail another time? I wouldn't dream of moving the whole thing!

Im often on holiday on my birthday so celebrate with the children when we get back 😀

but if we couldn’t arrange it with friends within a week or two then I wouldn’t see the point, i would have a night out but it wouldn’t be for my birthday 🤷🏻

Also the polite thing to do if you are unable to make the date in a small group setting is ask about an alternative date rather than “well I can’t go then sorry” it sounds like your friends do want to celebrate, but they just have other commitments. If 3 of your friends have asked to do a different date, why not just see when else you can do?

Oh don’t be so blooming daft and melodramatic. Being disappointed when your friends all let you down at the last minute is not unreasonable. You sound like a bundle of laughs 🙄

I’m a hoot, any day or time 🙌🏻 flexible, baby 🥳

Well, I agree with you.
My birthday is my "special" day, it's the only day I call my own IYSWIM. Therefore I would like to spend my birthday with friends, on the day itself. After that it's just another day/evening out....enjoyable but not my special day.
I'd accept that others might be busy but no, I don't want to move my birthday to suit everyone else. I'd accept their apologies but also think that my birthday wasn't their priority....I'd share it with different friends/family and privately think the original lot aren't such good friends after all.

As a PP said, the moment has passed. And I don’t want to book another day off work and suggest another date which suits just for people to bail out as they’ve done this time. Could be pessimistic of me. I’m not actually hugely fussed on going out for the sake of it and I barely drink or go out properly without a reason, and I think I’ll just be over it if it’s 2 weeks after the day. I see everyone’s point I really do but we don’t have kids, we’re in our 20s, and not all in the same friendship group it’s a bunch of different friends from different places so I know they’re not conspiring something without me!
id just like to not plan my own birthday for once. I have a DP problem here I am aware as he has not been around for the last 4 birthdays.

YANBU. What is wrong with MN!? Yes you are an adult , but you are still allowed to want to celebrate your birthday ,in a way you choose. With people you invited and who agreed to attend a long long time ago. I totally understand your disappointment OP. 😕

I understand where you’re coming from OP. My birthday is just before Christmas so getting people to find time to go out for my birthday and not just a pre-Christmas ‘oh and let’s wish Sparticle a HB while we’re out’ evening is really hard work.
it wouldn’t feel like a birthday evening out if I had to do it a week or more before/after the actual date.

And the fact that your DP is away is even more rubbish.

To those posters saying ‘are you a child’, perhaps you aren’t bothered about having just a bit of fun time for yourself or maybe it’s easy to get people to do something for your own birthday - either way, it bothers the OP so can you have some empathy?

I don’t celebrate my birthday with friends anymore, rarely do they either. We only do big birthdays now. We all do things with our families (parents, kids if we have them, partners if we have them).

So yes if I was busy a weekend I’d ask if we could rearrange.

My own kids have their birthday celebrations either a weekend before or after depending what we have going on so I’d find you really ridiculous.

haven't voted. I wouldn't mind the ones who immediately declined but I'd be peeved with the other three regardless of whether it was my birthday or not.

But no one is expecting you to ‘move your birthday’, just celebrate it on a day that suits the other people involved?

I’d just never ask a friend to move their birthday.

Nobody is asking you to move your birthday.
They are saying they aren't available on the date you've suggested but they would like to spend a night out with you so would you be willing to sort a date they can all come, as they don't want to miss celebrating with you.

Both dh and I have birthdays at times when people are rarely available. It's quite common to do the "official celebration" at a time our friends can join us, as we want to celebrate with them. This has been up to 5 weeks afterwards.

YANBU - the late drop-outs are arseholes.