My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

Stop your kids pestering you FGS

You collect and you say “I do not want to be pestered by the pair of you to go to the neighbours, if anyone even goes to ask - then there will be no tv tonight. This pestering has got to stop”

op you need to channel your energy into parenting not this very friendly sounding lady

Wow, that sounds lovely for all, including your kids when it does suit. Unfortunately when it doesn't, it's just another time you have to manage expectations and disappointments etc. It's unavoidable and will stand to them once they get it! I found predicting the disappointment in advance really helped. So when you're on the way home from creche, bring it up, say you know they'd love to go over and it might be difficult to see others there when they can't join and that you'll help them if they feel sad, there's no problem if they feel upset, you'll understand. Going there in their heads beforehand and laying down the boundary worked really well for me when mine were small, especially the part about you being totally OK with disappointment and being ready to help if needed.
Best of luck and enjoy the entertainment when it does work for you! And no, obviously you can't ask the neighbour to hide the kids lol, but I know you're joking there.

You talk a both your very young children at though aren’t 6 and 3 and you’re their mother!

Parent your own kids , if you don’t want them to go to the neighbours tell them no , I should imagine the rest of the parents in the street think she’s marvellous.

tell them a day a week that they can go.

and stick to it

and you could set up something fun in your garden today?

for this specific op and thread the needs of the many out weigh the needs of the few to quote star trek

It’s not a nightmare. Get a grip.
If they weren’t having a tantrum about this it would probably be something else.
Tread carefully because one day you might really appreciate some free childcare.

What does "we're not really a playdate house" mean? Your kids don't get to go to other people or you don't like people and don't want anyone at yours?
She's just having kids round to play and it's kind of her to invite yours. You don't have to agree but you do have to sort that with your own children. It's not up to her to have the other kids hide because you don't want to say no to yours. (Or, dare I say it, you could also just give in to the fact that it's summer and the weather is nice and kids aren't in by 6pm, yet. But then, my 1-year-old currently goes to bed at around 9.30pm because she's not interested in sleeping. I wouldn't have an issue with DS8 playing out later, either. His gymnastics class finishes at 7pm.)

Learn to:

• say Nooooooo
• stick to your decisions
• not blame others for your weaknesses
• not be affected by DC shouting/expecting/demanding

latter will get worse when they’re teens so practise asap

She sounds like a lovely person. Why are people so determined to see the negatives in things?

I'm going to say that my DC knew that once I'd said no, that meant no and there was no point pestering.

So either manage your kids expectations, or , being a rebel here, let them join in for 15 minutes. Who knows it might wear them out a bit

I think 15m night make it even harder for them tbh but all kids are different. Mine would have found that two tempting, as would I tbh!

Say no and mean it. Sure they might cry etc but they’ll soon cotton on that no means no.
or (tbh this what I would do) just let them go play. It’s lovely weather and they’d have fun.

we are not really playdate house at the best of times.

That sounds a bit miserable. Can't you get on with something you need to do while they have 30mins playing nextdoor? Especially as it’s not a year round thing. It’ll only be some days for a few weeks while it’s sunny?

Your thread should be in Parenting op

not AIBU

because this is a parenting issue

Yabu. What a lovely lady. Her doing this doesn't stop you parenting your children. Just say no as you got to get the dinner on. No means no and stick to it.

OK OK I get it I'm a horrible person and shes a saint. Ffs.
We have a routine of bath at 6.30 and bed by 7pm and I'm not changing that it works for my family.
I can't give a specific day as il never know for sure if she will have the kids there or not.
Yes, I need to be firm with my kids but does noone else see how this could be even mildly annoying like living next to a constant birthday party and having to be the bad guy saying no all the time?
What I mean by "not a playdate house" is just that, occasionally il agree to bringing them to play in someone else's house but never in ours. The thoughts of having all those kids playing in my house fills me with absolute dread. I think that's why I just don't get why this woman does it

It's summer, there are several family with kids in the same age range on your street. People will set up things for their kids in the garden and will invite neighbours kids if the want. You need to parent your kids if you don't want them to go, she is doing nothing wrong.

It's not your neighbours fault you bath your kids at 6.30, you can't expect your neighbour to live by your schedule. 6.30 is early in summer.

She sounds great and her kids are going to have a great childhood with loads of friends round. How she chooses to live her life is a complete red herring in this situation.

You have a problem with your kids pestering you to do stuff you don't want them to do. What do you do if your kids want you to get sweets or toys in a shop and you don't want them to - ask the shops not to sell items your kids desire or tell your kids no? What if they want to go to the park and its not convenient, do you ask the park keeper to close the park or tell your kids no ?

Another alternative to telling your kids no to the neighbour is to say 'sure go and have fun', maybe join in and keep lady with the baby and fun garden company, make a friend. Manage their expectations by saying you are only going for half an hour or whatever. By constantly saying no yo have made fun garden the Holy Grail as far as they are concerned.

This has got nothing to do with the other woman. She's just living her life.

This is about how you parent your own children. Don't make it anyone else's problem.

No means no? Manage your own children how you like, leave the others to it.

Splash pad is much better than a bath in this weather!!!

Get them out there - kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Clean and tired kids - job done

Play dates and playing in gardens in summer is really normal stuff. It sounds like you’re out of step.