Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

399 replies

Eolhc1990 · 23/06/2025 15:20

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 23/06/2025 16:08

You know what I'd do. Say 'tonight, kids we are going to change the routine.' Yes, let's play with the neighbours. I think it's easy to get into a mindset of 'we don't do that' but once in a while it's good to say yes. This isn't something dangerous or expensive.

Is it that you would also feel awkward around her or don't want to have to make conversation? That's okay. Maybe it will be a bit awkward. Maybe it won't. But I would give it a go. You'll hate to do stuff like this as the kids get older; stuff that isn't really your thing but is part of kiddie life. I don't mean you to personally host a neighborhood party, but kids should be allowed playdates.

its2346 · 23/06/2025 16:08

Summer evenings playing outdoors with friends are some of my happiest childhood memories. I love my children bombing around the garden on a warm evening. It’s so rare.

musicalfrog · 23/06/2025 16:08

I'd be sending the 6 yo over there and enjoy some 1 to 1 with the youngest (or peace if youngest is napping!)

LBFseBrom · 23/06/2025 16:09

I think that is gross. Why can the children not play in their back gardens? Playing in the front garden and the street is not on and certainly would put off prospective buyers. Mine plus neighbours and friends were always out in the back garden in good weather, nobody played in the street or at the front and when they were old enough, they could go to the park on their bikes.

Cosycover · 23/06/2025 16:09

Let them go for half an hour ffs. Not a big deal at all. Your neighbour sounds great, and your kids will make friends and have fun. Lighten up a bit.

LadyLucyWells · 23/06/2025 16:10

Ficklebricks · 23/06/2025 16:04

I get you OP. There's lots of perfect parents in here who can apparently control their children's mood swings with a simple stern word beforehand. I smell and awful lot of bullshit in this thread.

Kids are knackered at the end of the day so they won't cope as well with disappointment. Sure, you can wrangle them into the house with a load of persuasion and negotiation but who wants to deal with all that whining and pressure?

It's like when they put soft plays in the entrance to a zoo, so you pay the ridiculously expensive ticket price to see the animals and the whole way round the kids pester to go back to the soft play at the start.

Here's the thing - if it wasn't normal for kids to pester their parents and sometimes win then the zoo wouldn't have made this very lucrative business decision would they!

Your kids are normal, your parenting is fine, your neighbour is lovely. All of these things can be true at the same time. But she is a pain in the arse even if she means well, and I totally, totally get you.

Just like how children cry sometimes because they can’t have a toy they see in a toy shop? As a parent, you must deal with that so they learn the lesson that you can’t have everything you want.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 23/06/2025 16:11

She sounds brilliant!

You do what suits you, nobody is forcing your kids over to her house - just say No.
Also, be prepared things to change as your kids get older - you sound rigidly stuck to your timetable.

Sofiewoo · 23/06/2025 16:11

Your poor kids.

whitewineandsun · 23/06/2025 16:11

Eolhc1990 · 23/06/2025 15:57

I shouldn't have to change my routine though. Like I get that she can do what she wants and I think at weekends go for it, but on weekday evenings when people are just trying to get kids in the door and they are up early the next day. I just don't get it. Sometimes I can hear the kids playing until 7.30 or 8 like where do you draw the line

You sound like 8pm is the middle of the night!

Sofiewoo · 23/06/2025 16:12

LBFseBrom · 23/06/2025 16:09

I think that is gross. Why can the children not play in their back gardens? Playing in the front garden and the street is not on and certainly would put off prospective buyers. Mine plus neighbours and friends were always out in the back garden in good weather, nobody played in the street or at the front and when they were old enough, they could go to the park on their bikes.

This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

SunsetCocktails · 23/06/2025 16:12
  1. This warm weather won’t last, soon be raining again and then she won’t be out there
  2. Its 4 weeks until summer holidays, maybe you can relax the rules around bath and bedtime then
  3. For your kids sake, become more of a play date house. You don’t have to entertain the whole street, but as they get older, they absolutely will want to have more friends round for tea and play and you’ll have to accept that.
Sofiewoo · 23/06/2025 16:13

Eolhc1990 · 23/06/2025 15:57

I shouldn't have to change my routine though. Like I get that she can do what she wants and I think at weekends go for it, but on weekday evenings when people are just trying to get kids in the door and they are up early the next day. I just don't get it. Sometimes I can hear the kids playing until 7.30 or 8 like where do you draw the line

It sounds like she draws the line at 7:30 or 8pm which is perfectly reasonable.

Imbusytodaysorry · 23/06/2025 16:14

@Eolhc1990 a no play date house . A not playing with other kids house .
A straight from crèche at 6pm and into bed house .
Maybe take a break from the norm for your kids childhood and let them play on a nice night.
make a decision on which nights like every second night .

Pinty · 23/06/2025 16:15

Goodness you sound extremely inflexible.
I think there will need to be more give when your children start wanting to do activities after school or even just go to their friends house for dinner after school. Otherwise your children are going to miss out on normal social interactions.

MintTwirl · 23/06/2025 16:15

I think you need to relax, honestly you are so lucky to live somewhere where the kids can and do play out and she is obviously happy to do what she is doing as it benefits her child. Some of my favourite childhood memories were playing out on the street with all the other kids, we used to play for hours and have a great time and I’m sad that where we live now doesn’t have that.

Nothing terrible will happen if you allow your kids to break routine and go play for a while especially now the weather is good and we have lighter evenings. Better for them to be outside than indoors,

SparkyBlue · 23/06/2025 16:15

Firstly I’ve never understood the need to bath children every night. That’s always been strange to me. OP one of your DC is 6 the same age as my youngest and at that age they love playing with friends. Let them play with the neighbours once in a while. It will be lovely for them. The last two summers were utterly miserable where I am so I’d take every opportunity to get out and enjoy the fine long evenings. I’d often make a cup of tea and sit outside after dinner while she goes out on her scooter. Last summer it pissed down and before we know it the dark evenings will be back. Relax and enjoy the summer.

Tedsnan1 · 23/06/2025 16:18

LBFseBrom · 23/06/2025 16:09

I think that is gross. Why can the children not play in their back gardens? Playing in the front garden and the street is not on and certainly would put off prospective buyers. Mine plus neighbours and friends were always out in the back garden in good weather, nobody played in the street or at the front and when they were old enough, they could go to the park on their bikes.

😂

QuinionsRainbow · 23/06/2025 16:21

Should she be Registered as a Childminder?

Miyagi99 · 23/06/2025 16:21

LBFseBrom · 23/06/2025 16:09

I think that is gross. Why can the children not play in their back gardens? Playing in the front garden and the street is not on and certainly would put off prospective buyers. Mine plus neighbours and friends were always out in the back garden in good weather, nobody played in the street or at the front and when they were old enough, they could go to the park on their bikes.

Hahaha, some people only have front gardens you know!

Morningsleepin · 23/06/2025 16:21

Why did you choose to have children, OP? You don't seem to think your children are entitled to have fun, just a routine that suits you

NorthernLoon · 23/06/2025 16:22

I think you can help your DC to cope with their FOMO by setting their expectations in advance. You dont have to be the bad guy. They are old enough to understand "When we get home, x,y and z will probably be playing in the neighbour's garden. We're not going to be able to play there today. ... Yes, it is disappointing, I know. It's so fun over there! Maybe we can go at the weekend." And if they pester you / try to negotiate, then "I'm all done talking about the neighbour's house. I'm not going to answer any more questions about it. Now, who did you play with/ what did you have for lunch/ do you know what funny thing I saw this morning/ insert any change of subject here."

Mine are 5 and 2, so similar ages to yours. I think setting their expectations helps them to cope with disappointment - it is hard to feel like youre missing out.

K0OLA1D · 23/06/2025 16:23

Eolhc1990 · 23/06/2025 15:57

I shouldn't have to change my routine though. Like I get that she can do what she wants and I think at weekends go for it, but on weekday evenings when people are just trying to get kids in the door and they are up early the next day. I just don't get it. Sometimes I can hear the kids playing until 7.30 or 8 like where do you draw the line

I'm baffled by your responses. This is such a you issue. If you don't want your kids to go there and want to bath them at 6.30 then do it.

OoohYes · 23/06/2025 16:23

Is your world view typically so self-centered?

The mental gymnastics required to turn a woman’s children playing with their friends in their own front garden into a scenario where you’re the victim is quite something.

Ivytheterrible2025 · 23/06/2025 16:23

She sounds lovely. Not many parents would take the time and trouble to set up activities for other people's children.

yakkity · 23/06/2025 16:24

She sounds incredible. I can’t imagine having a 5 yr old and a baby and having the energy to do this. Creating an amazing community