My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

My daughter was unable to go out and about with her friends, so we had them here. Sometimes we ended up with a house full of kids and sometimes I barely knew some of them. Mostly, I really enjoyed it.

I live beside a grassed area where kids play and sure, in the summer it can be a bit annoying when it’s loud but if you live in an area with families you just have to put up with it. If my daughter wanted to join them or ask them in, I just said no. It really wasn’t a big deal.

And she shouldn't change her routine either for you, just manage the situation with your kids

ah sorry OP but it comes across like you have no capacity for simple joys or socialising your kids. I get you might not want to be over there all the time, in which case you have to say no to your kids that time and explain you can’t bur surely bedtime could slip by a few mins, it wouldn’t be that inconvenient would it?

assuming you have been at work or whatever, your plans means if I read correctly that you see your kids for an hour in the evening?

In the words of Motherland... you just have to be firm with your kid Amanda. 😜

I want to live in your street 😂this sounds great.
I would though, set expecations at the beginning of the day of what is happening at the end of the day. Maybe say that on thursdays only they can play for example. Then every other day, tell them what is happening at the end of the day on their way to nursery/school. If they are good they can play on thursdays if and only if the lady says it is ok.

You don't have to change your routine.

What you have to do is accept that saying no is all part of parenting.

Yes your kids will be upset, maybe your kids will tantrum but again, that's just part of parenting kids.

Mine used to cry if I didn't buy them an ice cream when the van pulled into our street twice a day.

But I never expected the ice cream man to avoid it.

Who's in charge? You or your kids? 🤔

It's going to get a bit tricky as your kids get older if they're going to friends for playdates, but you never let them return the invitation. Might even stop them getting invited.

Who is forcing you to change your routine? At 6pm go over and get your kids back into your house. If you can't get your kids to come, work on your parenting, and not expecting the world to revolve around you.

Did you not secretly curse the icecream man though? Like think to yourself "F off" when you hear the annoying sound.
I haven't said anything to her, and I wouldn't ever say anythingbI just wanted to vent. I'm allowed to be annoyed at it being another thing that I have to say no to, like if she just played in hr back garden with her kids mine wouldnt ask because they know they cant play on the road wirh the olser ones. I have an hour with my kids from when they get home from creche to bed and we have a nice routine of playing and chatting durinh bath and bedtime. You might think it's too rigid but i love our routine and I'm not changing it so that they can get all hyper with the other kids before bed.
I guarantee any of you would get annoyed if you faced that every evening

Don’t presume to know what anyone else would think.

This is a non isuue. Say no to your kids, or do something like buy some ice creams for the freezer so they’re more interested in staying home, or put some different toys in the garden. or set boundaries around them going.

No.

Anyone accused the mum of meeting a Disney mum like that Dad who had the audacity to put his daughter up on his shoulders yet?

Mn - there's no village anymore, kids don't play out, being a parent is so isolating

Also MN - I live in a safe friendly street where kids play out and neighbours enjoy hosting them... IT'S A NIGHTMARE

and I'm not changing it so that they can get all hyper with the other kids before bed.

aside from your young children! 😆

No I wouldn't, I'd be thankful for such lovely people on my street. I'd be confident in my own parenting that if I said "not tonight" my kids would listen. I'd try to let them play out some nights to build friendships on the road.

Well now the evenings are so warm it would be nice to let them play out a bit? Set up a deck chair out the front with a cuppa tea/glass of wine & relax while they play? I do remember how tight those after work/school/childcare etc can be though - its a lot for you.

regardless you need to get on top of the pestering - I used the "asked & answered" approch quite effectively with my 2. If you hold your ground it can be very effective.

"Mum can we XYZ?"

• No

"Mum can we XYZ?"

• Asked & answered (remain completely neutral)

"Mum can we XYZ?"

• Asked & answered (remain completely neutral)

"Mum can we XYZ?"

• Asked & answered 3 times and I will get cross if you ask again.

We visited family we don't see very often recently. My (now teen) DD's were quick to come and report how their "annoying younger cousin" was told no, and she kept pestering and pestering and then her mum gave in. So niece knows if she wants something to keep asking and eventually she will wear her mum/nana down and she will get what she wants. My 2 were 😮 not just with niece asking 125 times and being very annoying, but with her mum/grandmother giving in. DD's saw clearly how mum/nana's inconsistancy created very annoying behaviour in the child. They were both happy to report to me that my "asked & answered" approach was brilliant and helped them grow up to not be pestering brats 😁 They actually thanked me for my constant clarity & consistancy - YES for the long game parenting win.

I wish I had your neighbour @Eolhc1990, she sounds lovely !

When my sgd finished kinder, the children all made wishes for their friends and the main wish was for them always to have lots of friends.

OP you seem to have missed whole chapters of the parenting manual

it’s approaching summer break. Please let your dc stay up longer. As it is now, you can use this set up as an amazing parenting opportunity. Let them play but tell them they get half an hour and you expect them to come in when called. When you collect them, be smiley, ask them if they’ve had a good time. Then tell them it’s been half an hour and it’s time to come in. if they kick off tell them they will only be allowed to play another time if they respect the cut off time and come home without kicking off. If they still kick off then deal with it this time then next time they want to play say no and remind them that last time they didn’t come nicely when called. They may not join in today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day.

Then next time before they play remind them it’s 30 mins and that they will only be able to join if they come home without kicking off. You repeat this until they get the connection. It can take time and they’ll get it wrong many times and kick off. Then kick off when you say no they can’t play because last time they didn’t come home nicely when asked. But eventually they learn. This will repay itself in truckloads over the years.

teaching/parenting takes time and patience and many many failed events. But that’s how we teach them.

Did you not secretly curse the icecream man though?

No, I secretly cursed parenthood.

Then again my kids are adults now and I still secretly curse it 😁

It's what we sign up for when we decide to have them.

The thing is, it annoys you because it’s not your thing and it doesn’t work for you. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing or that there’s something inherently wrong with it. Being annoyed is a waste of energy. It’s not something you can change or control , and neither should you be able to. So you need to either accept it, work around it or give in every now and then (maybe at the weekends?).

You can't guarantee anything of the sort. And the bath/bedtime routine might be 'nice', but wouldn't it also be 'nice' for your children to be able to play out some days? Especially as they clearly want to. Are you sure you're not putting your own convenience above their enjoyment of the summer, because it sure as heck sounds like it to me.

This is strictly a you problem. There are kids playing out at a reasonable time to play out. If you don't want your kids to join them fine, but that's entirely your issue.