My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

Or "my neighbour lets local children into her garden to play with her 5 year old while she supervises" nowt wrong with that

You don’t have to change your routine.

But she also doesn’t have to change hers.

Either compromise and allow your kids some days and not others or don’t allow them - but that’s your job as their parent to parent that not hers to change her day to save you the bother.

All I can say is that someone in my family is so rigid with their DC and was for years. The result? Apart from school friends and their 4 cousins, they dont have any friends. They are super miserable and trying to use their cousins and their friends to piggy back off because apart from rigid routine and strict clubs and being with their parents, those DC dont do anything else. Mine believe it or not are outside every day that it doesn't rain and play with several neighbours. 6 of them are currently in my pool 🤷‍♀️ My DCs friends from other areas of life love coming to ours because we have our little village down here where kids are allowed to be kids.

Ive got a 12 year old and nearly 11 year old DDs and I know full well how important an evening and bedtime routine is for a calm and peaceful household.

However sometimes it was just lovely to be that lay back parent and just let the kids be kids play outside in the evenings with other little ones in our/friends garden, having an absolute blast with ice cream around their mouths lol! Everyone was so happy and so relaxed being in company of others.

It is one my favourite summertime memories when my girls were little and I wish I can relive it again. Maybe just allow them to have an evening without your little routine especially on Friday night where you dont have to worry about creche etc etc

This ! In a few years time you will be crawling on broken glass to find a kind neighbour willing to take your kids for a couple of hours and entertain them. Let them have half an hour, call them in for tea and a bath , they will sleep better for having let off a bit of energy.

Gross? Really? I think it's lovely. My DS played out his whole childhood and it was great, that he could was the best thing about where we live

“but i love our routine and I'm not changing ”

This is the problem you are thinking about you - you enjoy your routine but your kids are actively saying they want something else but you don’t want to change it as YOU like the routine….

Your kids having a meltdown is them trying to communicate their wants they just don’t know how to express it

Why don’t you move to the middle of a field - problem sorted. No other kids around, people won’t want to visit and yours will be bored enough to want to go to bed.

Just tell your children no not tonight it's a school night.

I would love to live there. Sounds lovely. We have a pretty open house with kids in and out. If we have something to do then I just say no and we do something fun another time.

My 9 year old neighbour knocks for my daughter around 8pm some nights and they play out for a little while. I think probably knocking on someone’s door after 8pm is a lot but she isn’t asking your kids to come out, she’s just sitting in her own garden. You can just… drive past.

I guarantee any of you would get annoyed if you faced that every evening

Not sure what can be annoying about the kids having a safe, welcoming space to play with neighbouring children. Getting annoyed wouldn't cross my mind but I would follow her example and try reciprocate the gesture once in a while.

Warm summer evenings are some of the happiest memories of when my children were young, when they and the neighbor kids would run around together and I would sip a lemonade (weekends, I added gin) sitting on my front steps. We were a neighborhood of small house, close together, and after an evening meal, families sat together on the front porches/lawns/steps. Sometimes alone, sometimes, I'd chitchat w/ neighbors, take my youngest in to bed first, then go get my oldest. She has lifelong friendships from playing w/ kids. DH worked nights, so it was lovely to have oldest playing with people I trusted while I got youngest settled.

It's healthy for 6 year olds to get out and start socializing w/out parents. We don't do this enough.

It doesn't have to be a long time, OP, try 30 minutes. It's good to learn how to be flexible w/ routines. Summer and childhood are fleeting. Enjoy them.

I love that - how old are your kids if you don't mind me asking?

I was like you when mine were little (under 7) but have realised I've become so rigid because of the demands of school, homework, tutoring, sports clubs etc. Would love to be laid back again but worried at their ages it won't leave enough time for the academics and sports.

I agree with others that this actually sounds really lovely. But what I’m getting from your replies is, it makes you feel uncomfortable. And that’s valid! If you have a solid bedtime routine for two little kids that works too, I can understand now wanting to rock the boat.

However - you’ll only find out if a little disruption to the routine causes issues if you try. You could find a 20 minute play helps them get some of their last energy out and bedtime will still be fine. It’s so nice for them to mix and socialise with other kids! And how nice they’re all in such a similar age band.

Only you know what you’re happy with but maybe try saying yes, on a Friday evening as a test, and let them go over for a bit. Just see how it goes. Mine love a garden play over summer!! You might make a friend out of your neighbour in the process :) These could be women you might want to call on for babysitting etc in the coming years!!

Oh god just let them have fun. It’ll be winter again before you know it.

This……got it in a nutshell

I honestly didn't know before I read this thread, that there's some parents out there who view their kids making friends and playing out in good weather as a negative thing. That's blown my mind a bit. My kids are teenagers now but when they were younger it was ALL about playing, encouraging friendships etc. School, home, bath, bed, strict routines with no exceptions sounds awfully dull to me.

We used to live on a street where everyone played in the front, houses were smaller as it wasn't a wealthy area. Our kids loved it, we loved it.

When we made more money and moved to a street where front yards were pristine and not played it, it certainly had a different vibe, and not a friendly one. We love our the physical building of our new house, but miss the joy and community on our old street.

This is really a you problem. Maybe blindfold your kids and put earphones on them as you walk them past the "party"?

I don't blame you for being mildly irritated that other people's lifestyle choices make parenting harder for you, but this really isn't your neighbour's issue. She's living her best life watching her DD have fun with friends.

This is just one of those moments when parenting is quite hard. You have to make a choice - give in (because ultimately the routine doesn't matter so much) or stand your ground. I have a theory that as parents we have to get in a certain amount of practice at saying "no" to our kids for them to develop self-control and grow into decent human beings so maybe view this as part of your parenting journey.

You are being controlling. It will be raining in a few days and won't be an issue. You should move house as your children will want to play outside too soon and obviously that won't fit in your idea of family life.

I guarantee any of you would get annoyed if you faced that every evening

YOU don’t face it every evening!! You say it’s not every night, added to which, the weather has only just turned genuinely very recently.

honestly op, just looking to blame anything other than your parenting

Not to derail but this thread has actually left me really self conscious about my parenting.

DD is 5, and autistic. She thrives best on her routine, and with school that means bed at 7 (then stories then sleep, by 7:45). If we go later, she’s overtired and agitated…sometimes she’s even overtired at 7. If it’s later, the next morning wants to wake at 8 and in a foul mood/difficult to get into school. I know it’s lovely and sunny out, but I do say no, bed for 7.

We do a little later on school holidays because she’s less tired in general. But again, play dates on weeknights are a huge pain because she’ll be overstimulated or on the verge of a meltdown, so I don’t like doing them!

This thread has me feeling like I’m robbing her of her best days…

Oh fgs
really?

your 5 year old daughter is autistic and to deviate from routine makes her unhappy and agitated

and on the basis of this thread, you have concluded you are possibly “robbing” her of her best days.

you can’t be serious?

Some children absolutely need a strict bedtime routine.

Mine are bath at 6, bed at 7 and currently no exceptions except something major like a family wedding. I would also be saying no to the neighbour (but I wouldn't complain about the neighbour like OP).

Ahhh no don't feel like that! Your child has identified additional needs that you are catering for. Not 3 and 6 with no known issues who just want half an hour playing on a summer's evening.

My son is 5 and autistic. School nights we're strict with routine, but weekends and holidays we lax it - we still do the routine, just allow him longer is all. So his usual half our outside after tea (it helps him to have this before settling down) can be an hour or more before we do calm play, supper, stories etc. Same routine just with some "holiday extra time" thrown in! But even on holidays away he still has his Lego time, supper and stories before bed!

Sounds like you're doing great xx