Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

399 replies

Eolhc1990 · 23/06/2025 15:20

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 23/06/2025 16:24

LBFseBrom · 23/06/2025 16:09

I think that is gross. Why can the children not play in their back gardens? Playing in the front garden and the street is not on and certainly would put off prospective buyers. Mine plus neighbours and friends were always out in the back garden in good weather, nobody played in the street or at the front and when they were old enough, they could go to the park on their bikes.

Gross !? 🤣

Is this a piss take response? You're not honestly being serious with that reply are you? Are you the OP in disguise?

legoplaybook · 23/06/2025 16:25

QuinionsRainbow · 23/06/2025 16:21

Should she be Registered as a Childminder?

What for having her child's friends play in the front garden? No, that's not childminding Grin

Serpentstooth · 23/06/2025 16:26

We're having a few days of summer OP. The kind of- rare days your children would remember fondly later in life if they'd been allowed to experience them.

Rewis · 23/06/2025 16:28

It is ok to have feelings, but unfortunately you just have to accept that you'll be the "bad guy".

Thirdcoff · 23/06/2025 16:28

LBFseBrom · 23/06/2025 16:09

I think that is gross. Why can the children not play in their back gardens? Playing in the front garden and the street is not on and certainly would put off prospective buyers. Mine plus neighbours and friends were always out in the back garden in good weather, nobody played in the street or at the front and when they were old enough, they could go to the park on their bikes.

Imagine having this one as your DM or MiL?

shudder!

JLou08 · 23/06/2025 16:29

Eolhc1990 · 23/06/2025 15:57

I shouldn't have to change my routine though. Like I get that she can do what she wants and I think at weekends go for it, but on weekday evenings when people are just trying to get kids in the door and they are up early the next day. I just don't get it. Sometimes I can hear the kids playing until 7.30 or 8 like where do you draw the line

You must be trolling. Surely your not this entitled and self-centred. When your told how unreasonable you're being you buckle down saying you shouldn't have to change your routine and their out till 7.30/8pm. Do you realise you don't have to change your routine and 8pm is not late?

ArtTheClown · 23/06/2025 16:30

She sounds lovely. So many people (myself included on occasion) get grumpy about kids playing out and noise etc, so I really admire friendly, warm-hearted people like this woman.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 23/06/2025 16:31

Eolhc1990 · 23/06/2025 15:57

I shouldn't have to change my routine though. Like I get that she can do what she wants and I think at weekends go for it, but on weekday evenings when people are just trying to get kids in the door and they are up early the next day. I just don't get it. Sometimes I can hear the kids playing until 7.30 or 8 like where do you draw the line

She shouldn't have to change her routine either Hmm

You need to lighten up or you're going to have lots of pointless battles on your hands as your kids get older.

Sera1989 · 23/06/2025 16:33

Just be firm with your kids! Tell them they’re not allowed to play with their neighbourhood friends while you get free childcare from a friendly woman because you want them to get to bed asap after you’ve collected them

Natsku · 23/06/2025 16:34

She sounds like a wonderful neighbour.

I strongly suggest relaxing your routine. You don't need to bathe children every night, its bad for their skin and makes things difficult when you need to break routine on special occasions. Going to bed later on nice summer evenings is a normal thing to do and is one of the things that brings real joy to childhood, my 7 year old has been playing outside with neighbourhood children until at least 8pm every day lately. And not being a playdate house sounds absolutely miserable for your children when they get older and want to bring friends round, really consider changing this rule.

FloatingBy912 · 23/06/2025 16:34

I would love to have a neighbour like her and you should be happy that the other kids are having fun. Maybe live a little or face it all kids have tantrums they will eventually get the message not the other lovely woman’s fault at all

noidea69 · 23/06/2025 16:35

4 pages in and no one has asked where your husband is in all this, this place isnt what it used to be.

lazyarse123 · 23/06/2025 16:35

Jesus just let the kids play for half an hour. No one can possibly sleep at 7 pm in this heat.

Londonrach1 · 23/06/2025 16:36

You don't have to change your routine... what's happening next door isn't your issue. You just tell your children no they can't play there and get on with dinner etc. You are the parent so control the situation.

6.30 is very early and bathing every night isn't great for children's skin.

AutumnFoxe · 23/06/2025 16:36

I mean i get the frustration as my 2 year old also kicks off when she sees other children playing with things she cant but its just parenting. I would never dream of asking my neighbours to stop living their lives to accomode me not wanting to put up with a tantrum. And believe me my child tantrums every bloody evening when we come home and she sees the kids playing on bikes and she cant.

Thirdcoff · 23/06/2025 16:36

noidea69 · 23/06/2025 16:35

4 pages in and no one has asked where your husband is in all this, this place isnt what it used to be.

Moved with the times

Fundayout2025 · 23/06/2025 16:38

Hmm you've said she invites your kids to join. Have they/you ever accepted the invitations? It is strange thing to stress about but the way you are headed then it will be your kids treated as outsiders by the group as they grow up.

If your routine/ attitude that you think your kids are better/ need to be babied continues then you risk alienating them

ruethewhirl · 23/06/2025 16:39

For goodness' sake OP, why won't you just let them play?

I've read all your posts on this thread and I actually think you're being really selfish. Why should your 'routine' of bath and bed trump a child's natural urge to play, especially in this lovely weather? Purely out of convenience for you, from the sounds of things. When you have children you need to be able to bend a little and have some flexibility. It seems very harsh that you're stopping your kids from having fun while they're so little and the weather's nice, and potentially making new friends, simply for your own convenience.

And as for not allowing kids over to yours - this was me as a child, I was never allowed to and it impacted me heavily in terms of my friendships and building social confidence. Unless there's relevant information you're not sharing, imo YABVU and selfish. If you don't want to be seen as the bad guy, maybe... stop acting like the bad guy?

Out of interest, when are your children allowed to play?

myrtleWilson · 23/06/2025 16:40

I'll set @LBFseBrom off now but when my DC was younger we lived on a 'garden terrace' which had two rows of victorian terraces with front gardens facing each other with a pedestrian path down the middle. It was great for the children on the street - no traffic worries, the children self-policed each other that they were not allowed to go beyond specific lamp posts at each end of the street, were in and out of all (allowed) gardens. The children played collectively as a group from little ones up to teens - made up games etc. It really was brilliant and no impact on house prices - unless probably to increase them as families realised what a great set up it was.

tripleginandtonic · 23/06/2025 16:40

Let them play out for a bit, we don't have these warm, long nights for long

Bababear987 · 23/06/2025 16:41

OP I was raised like you are doing now to your kids and you must know this extremely strict routine isnt what's best for them, even if it's what you want.

Straight home and straight to bed, no enjoyment, downtime, no socialising, basically "mummy cba and wants you asleep" and they will miss out on so much. My own mother spent so little time with us we always felt like a hassle and I get it she was a single parent, knackered after working all day and wanted us in bed so she could get on with other things and relax but what's best for your children is actually to break the routine a bit, to have fun and to socialise.
Routines are great but should be adjustable, 630 is unbelievably early for children of that age. Let them live, they will only be young once and summer days like this are so rare. They dont need a bath every night, frankly playing in the splash pad will do unless they are literally rolling in mud everyday.

We were also the house that never had playdates cause my mum like everything clean but we missed out on so much and were a bit socially awkward. This is their childhood, dont let them miss out because of what is easiest for you.

DeSoleil · 23/06/2025 16:41

It does g matter whether it’s this lovely lady outside with nice things for the children in the street to do oe an ice cream van parked outside your house, no means no and you have to raise your children not to have ‘meltdowns’ when they hear the word no

ruethewhirl · 23/06/2025 16:41

Also OP, do you not realise that those invitations to play at other kids' houses are likely to dry up if they're never invited back to yours?

jaggededger · 23/06/2025 16:42

I think it’s really kind of her to host other people’s kids tbh, if you don’t want them to go you need to find a way of dealing with it.

UpUpUpU · 23/06/2025 16:43

My next-door but one neighbour is a kid in my son's class. They play together occasionally but she is allowed to stay up way later than my son. We have a horse so sometimes by the time we have done after school club and been to sort the pony it's already dinner, bath and bed time. You just have to say no and mean it, then ignore any of their whining.