My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

OK OK I get it I'm a horrible person and shes a saint. Ffs.

oh calm down 🙄

you children are very young. Just parent up.

You arrange the odd thing in the garden for when they get back. But be clear that if they ask to go to neighbours and you say no…. No means no. Occasionally, say yes!

Meltdowns? Seriously op

And to answer your question op, no I would not find it “mildly irritating”

I shouldn't have to change my routine though. Like I get that she can do what she wants and I think at weekends go for it, but on weekday evenings when people are just trying to get kids in the door and they are up early the next day. I just don't get it. Sometimes I can hear the kids playing until 7.30 or 8 like where do you draw the line

Arsehole. It’s arsehole.

no need for coy letter replacements. Why know what you mean and what you’re trying to say.

just say arsehole.

Weather only been good recently

this can’t have been going on long at all OP so you’ll struggle to make us believe this hasn’t happened more than a few times

The thoughts of having all those kids playing in my house fills me with absolute dread. I think that's why I just don't get why this woman does it

Surely you realise that different people can be vastly different in what they can cope with and what they enjoy?

And also that you might decide to go out of your comfort zone at times to ensure your kids have fun?

Are you being serious?

no one is forcing you to change your routine

what on earth are you going on about?

The fact you say you'll never have other children in your house is a bit odd to say the least, and will give a certain impression of you that may impact your dc unfortunately. Surely if you have children you want to encourage them to enjoy being in their home and having little friends round? They'll remember you for it, as will their friends, and in afraid they'll also remember that you didn't allow it.

Wish she lived in my street I'd love to know what you were hoping was it people would say that yes it would be reasonable for you to ask her to hide kids? That's not going to happen...as great as routine is you have to be flexible as your kids age up it might not hurt to let your 6yo have half an hour there and skip bath sometimes unless they are filthy kids that age really don't need a bath daily. It will also support their social development building friendships with other kids

She sounds like a sweetheart.

I used to set up the sprinkler for the kids to cool off after school and the neighbor kids were welcome to play and cool off.

Just tell your kids no and mean it. They bug, they lose something. You also might want to make your garden more pleasant for your kids to spend time in.

You sound very peculiar Op

you can’t seem to grasp people people differently

you are pissed off that your children don’t respect you saying no and will continually pester and have meltdowns

focus on your one parenting

So you want one of your neighbours to not play in their own garden so you don't have to say no to your kids?

At 6 in the summertime, yes I'd leave them out till 7.30/8 and I was, and still am, v much one to stick to bedtime routine, just make it later for summer, if you wish to ofncourse. If you don't totally fair, but it's not the other woman's responsibility.

I was a bit of a stickler for routine, which I do think benefits children, and my DC had much earlier bedtimes than many of their peers until well into secondary school because that's what I believed was best. But, if you're going to do it your way you need to do it and be firm/take the fall out when "everyone" else is doing it differently.

That said on one of a handful of very warm days in the year, with all the neighbourhood kids enjoying water play next door, even I'd have found some flexibility and let them stay out until 7:30/8pm, then very quick straight to bed when they came in.

nailed it

But that's their routine so why should they have to change it to suit you? My kid played out til after 8 last night it was bliss to hear them all out laughing enjoying the lighter nights and decent weather

I get you OP. There's lots of perfect parents in here who can apparently control their children's mood swings with a simple stern word beforehand. I smell and awful lot of bullshit in this thread.

Kids are knackered at the end of the day so they won't cope as well with disappointment. Sure, you can wrangle them into the house with a load of persuasion and negotiation but who wants to deal with all that whining and pressure?

It's like when they put soft plays in the entrance to a zoo, so you pay the ridiculously expensive ticket price to see the animals and the whole way round the kids pester to go back to the soft play at the start.

Here's the thing - if it wasn't normal for kids to pester their parents and sometimes win then the zoo wouldn't have made this very lucrative business decision would they!

Your kids are normal, your parenting is fine, your neighbour is lovely. All of these things can be true at the same time. But she is a pain in the arse even if she means well, and I totally, totally get you.

Lady does a lovely thing for her neighbours yet still someone is miserable about it! Unbelievably selfish view, OP. It’s not her fault that you can’t say no to your children.

It sounds Iike you want to stop the other kids playing so yours don't ask to join in? You can see that isn't reasonable, right?

Yes, it's up to you to say no, but I honestly think you should consider saying yes sometimes. It might not be convenient, but you need to weigh it against the value of the dc building local friendships. I hope you re-think the playdate ban too, these are normal parts of childhood your dc will miss out on otherwise (and the invites to other houses will dry up when other parents realise you don't reciprocate).

Routine isn't everything.

I smell and awful lot of bullshit in this thread.

Stock response from someone who simply has the same issues as the Op

You sound really rigid and you don't really get that she can parent how she chooses.

You think it's reasonable to ask her to hide her kids and their yard setup so your kids don't meltdown when they come home? What the hell are you thinking? That's on you to manage.

Your kids obviously like the activity and socialization they're getting there. That's a big hint for you as a parent. Hiding them away in the house with a strict routine and no way to interact with friends is going to make them isolated and lonely.

Oh my goodness, your 6 year old is getting in the bath at 6:30pm?! Mine is regularly out playing until 7:30pm and at least once a week, he has activities that run til 7pm, sometimes later that I need to drive 10/20 minutes to collect him from.

I think the issue may be that you’re treating both your children like they are still toddlers and they aren’t. Playing in the garden is perfectly normal at 6pm. Otherwise, when do you ever have time for relaxation and fun with your children?

I can’t quite get my head around the fact that you’d be happy for your young children to play unsupervised in the street but have an issue with them being supervised by an adult …

I don’t think anyone is saying you are horrible person but she’s entitled to do what she wants in her own home and until whatever time she likes and you need to just deal with your kids . Many people don’t have their young children in , bathed and in bed at the time of evening you are talking about . My neighbours have kids aged between 2 and 9 and they are all still in the garden playing at 7:30 / 8 on nice evenings .