Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

Her fiance wouldn’t have thought about it like that, don’t blame her.

So you owned rights to everyones behaviour on that holiday? What a bizarre friend you are. I wouldnt be friends with you after that response.

You’re being totally odd. Be pleased for your friend whose partner presumably proposed there as it’s a lovely location. This isn’t about you.

i think non one is wrong here. You are right to be upset she was right to tell you in person before you found out online.

it’s just one of those shitty situations. In a month or two you’ll feel fine about it. You are still pretty raw from the fallout cancelling the wedding.

you are close enough that she is your bridesmaid so its best to assume good faith.

I would be gutted if my close friend only text me about getting engaged because she didn’t want to upset me. I’d want all the drama of a FaceTime so we could squeal together even if I was feeling raw.

Keep reminding yourself that you dodged a bullet! Rather than being shackled to a lying cheater.

Once your wedding got cancelled it was no longer your wedding day, just another day of their holiday.

At most it might have been a bit more sensitive if he'd proposed on the Friday or Sunday rather than your exact day (or even if she'd just fudged the details and told you he'd proposed when they were away rather than the exact day).

She piggy-backed what should have been your Day so you have every right to feel hurt and annoyed at her lack of empathy.
But rise above it and be the bigger woman by pasting on a smile and wishing her the best. Then pour yourself a stiff drink and say "sod 'em"

Maybe she thought you'd be thrilled for her, and pleased to know that something happy had come out of an otherwise sad situation.

This is exactly what I thought.
Op, you shouldn't feel sad or weird or anything.
It wasn't your day anymore and I hope you're not planning on marrying your partner at all since he's a cheat.

Gosh, aren't you soooo hilarious! Shame we had the laugh emoji taken away.

🙄

And celebrate the fact that you made a lucky escape from your ex OP

I'm really surprised by these responses. It wasn't just the date of your wedding it was on the "holiday" that was meant to be your actual wedding?! I'm not even a wedding person but that is a bit cheap and weird of your friends boyfriend. Seems like rubbing your face in it!

I don't think anything good would come of having it out with them though, just be pleased for your friend. Once they're married they'll have a different date to celebrate.

This is one of those occasions where you are allowed feel sorry for yourself and silently be upset, but you need to brush it off and congratulate the other person. I think if it was another day you'd feel nearly as bad because your best pal getting engaged shortly after you've had to call off your wedding in difficult circumstances is always going to sting. This type of scenario happens to everyone at some point. SiL announces a pg the week after a MC, or friend gets a massive promotion the week after you get a redundancy etc. You've got to be the bigger person and say the right things to her to make her feel like you are there for her as her friend, while at the same time deal with your (understandable) grief.

It stopped being your wedding day when the wedding was cancelled. So sorry you had to go through that, it must have been utterly devastatingly shit.
But your friend hasn’t done anything wrong. They’d already spent money on the trip and holiday, it was presumably a beautiful location and he proposed on a day. But it wasn’t your wedding day and I think you’d be able to deal with this better if you could reframe it.

in my experience men do not think about things like this one bit, and she probably wasn’t the one proposing. If he thought he may have thought win, he might upset you by proposing at your actual wedding but this is perfect… I’m really not kidding

She didn't piggy back on anything.

They were stuck with an expensive holiday in a time and place that they didn't choose and made the best of it.

I agree I would put money on the fact he had completely forgotten the reason why they had booked the trip and it was now just a holiday. I bet he gave it zero thought as to what day it was.

I think the same, summer in Italy, proposal sounds fab if you ignore that is a kind of plan b, because the plan A did not go along for good.
OP reverse this, at least something good come from that trip and you are well rid of the cheater. Be happy for your friend and happier for your good riddance.

@Doghouse1g1 not sure why you’re getting such a bashing when you clearly stated you’re asking for advice. Your title is clumsily worded but I understand the shock as you’re probably still mourning your ‘lost’ wedding as it were. I know that some people, especially women choose their wedding date after a great deal of thought not just to logistics but sometimes the date itself will have numbers with meanings and it almost gains a life of its own. So for your bestie to have ‘claimed’ this date even though it’s no longer your wedding date will of course still sting a little. With time I’m pretty certain the significance of the date will be lost and forgotten and in the meantime just be excited for your friend. Her BF was the insensitive one as he could have picked a different day of the holiday but no malice was meant.

You will need to keep yourself distracted and throw yourself into some self care activities. Also well done for having the courage for cancelling what sounds like would have been a beautiful ceremony in Italy which I guess made it doubly hard. Onwards and upwards! ♥️

If she got engaged at your wedding (ceremony or reception etc...) that would be rude but getting engaged on a holiday is fine.

Even if you had gone ahead as planned and got married in Italy as long as it wasn't AT the wedding her boyfriend could have proposed any other day of the holiday that wasn't your wedding event (and he had probably planned to do that given they spent their holiday money to attend your wedding).

Its not like hes going to say 'oh I'll just cancel my plans and propose in the local WMC over a pint and pork scratching 3 days earlier rather than on a beautiful sunny Italian beach we paid hundreds to go to just to spare Doghouses feelings'. I mean would it even spare your feelings? you would probably be hurt if the got engaged anywhere right now but their life doesn't go on hold because your partner was a twat.

She is allowed to feel how she wants to feel about it. I genuinely don’t believe all of the people telling her so helpfully to ‘give her head a wobble’ wouldn’t be in any way affected or upset if the same thing happened to them.

Getting over things doesn’t mean just moving on and pretending they didn’t happen. She is hurting and understandably so.

The friend is classless and totally lacking in any sort of tact. She should start by considering if she actually wants to be friends with someone like that.

Yeah I missed the bit about other people knowing, I’m not suggesting her friend try to keep a big secret from her when everyone else knows different.

Do you know, I’d be so hacked off with my boyfriend if he’d done this. I really think it’s completely inappropriate and personally I wouldn’t have wanted the beginning of my marriage to be associated with the sad and painful ending of my friends engagement. I would have been so apologetic to the OP.

It was going to be your wedding day, now its just a day.
Now at least that day has a happy memory attached to it
Think of it like she cleansed the day of bad karma and created aomething good out of the day
Now its not your wedding that didnt happen day, you can forget about that completely and have it as the happy day my friend got engaged.
Fuck the ex and the old meaning of that day, its all in the past.

I agree that it's on her BF, not her. A lot of men seem to think it's ok to propose at Weddings/family holidays and you can't tell them different. He might have been putting it off until you'd had your Wedding, but now thought that there was no need. It might have been better that you wasn't there, so he thought why not? As said, it's better to come from her than someone else, or see it across SM.

Gosh, I think people are being very harsh here!

Of course her bf is entitled to propose and best friend entitled to say yes. However it was hugely insensitive. The poor op has had her whole life fall apart, to excitedly phone on what would have been her wedding day to announce her engagement is very insensitive. It's not something I can imagine someone doing in the real world!