Page 8 | Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

Doghouse1g1 · 2025-06-23T10:40:36+00:00

Girls I really need some advice.. I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women. My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend. My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈 I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call. I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

Dodeedoo · 23/06/2025 12:56

BanditsWife · 23/06/2025 12:55

@Doghouse1g1

I hope you’re ignoring the pedants crying about how it wasn’t actually your wedding day because you didn’t get married. Not only was it supposed to be your wedding day, it was also in the location you chose. It is staggeringly insensitive.

I consider myself to be an honest person but in this situation some bending of the truth would have been diplomatic and spared your feelings. They could have announced when they returned home, or told you they got engaged before they flew out. I guess she couldn’t control when he proposed but if you were my friend, I would have spared you that.

This!

Blueballoon02 · 23/06/2025 12:57

BanditsWife · 23/06/2025 12:55

@Doghouse1g1

I hope you’re ignoring the pedants crying about how it wasn’t actually your wedding day because you didn’t get married. Not only was it supposed to be your wedding day, it was also in the location you chose. It is staggeringly insensitive.

I consider myself to be an honest person but in this situation some bending of the truth would have been diplomatic and spared your feelings. They could have announced when they returned home, or told you they got engaged before they flew out. I guess she couldn’t control when he proposed but if you were my friend, I would have spared you that.

Some people are disgustingly harsh and I really hope they are not like this in real life. “My ex cheated and I’m heartbroken, this should have been our wedding day” - mumsnetters “get over it!” “Well it’s not your day”

Would you be saying this to your friend, sibling or child in real life? Would you look at your daughter and tell her to get over it if she was hurt on the day of her should have been wedding. Some people are so harsh.

TheSwarm · 23/06/2025 12:58

Logically it wasn't your wedding day anymore, your friend was just on holiday and her boyfriend proposed. They've done absolutely nothing wrong.

But.... i can see why it would be a bit of a mindfuck emotionally and in the moment you've just reacted to that. I do think you need to call your friend and apologise and just talk it over. A decent friend would understand your reaction.

Dodeedoo · 23/06/2025 12:58

Blueballoon02 · 23/06/2025 12:57

Some people are disgustingly harsh and I really hope they are not like this in real life. “My ex cheated and I’m heartbroken, this should have been our wedding day” - mumsnetters “get over it!” “Well it’s not your day”

Would you be saying this to your friend, sibling or child in real life? Would you look at your daughter and tell her to get over it if she was hurt on the day of her should have been wedding. Some people are so harsh.

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They are absolutely fucking horrible aren’t they. Vile.

Notsuchafattynow · 23/06/2025 12:59

It's sounding all a bit Miss Haversham, if you plan to name this day your 'wedding day' for the rest of your life.

It literally wasn't.

Whammyyammy · 23/06/2025 13:00

Pricelessadvice · 23/06/2025 11:42

But it’s not your wedding day anymore.

You can’t claim that weekend for yourself really. I’d be happy for my friend.

100% this.

FreezeDriedStrawberries · 23/06/2025 13:00

Blueballoon02 · 23/06/2025 12:57

Some people are disgustingly harsh and I really hope they are not like this in real life. “My ex cheated and I’m heartbroken, this should have been our wedding day” - mumsnetters “get over it!” “Well it’s not your day”

Would you be saying this to your friend, sibling or child in real life? Would you look at your daughter and tell her to get over it if she was hurt on the day of her should have been wedding. Some people are so harsh.

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The OP asked for opinions though, and that includes sometimes hearing ones you don't like.
I don't think people would be so harsh to say "get over it, it's not your day anymore" to their friends or families faces.
Nobody's personally attacked or anything from what I can see.

Kreepture · 23/06/2025 13:01

OP didn't ask if she was being unreasonable to be upset (she isn't)

She asked how to move past it.

So 'get over it' is the only response, because what else is she meant to do?

diddl · 23/06/2025 13:02

Maybe he had always intended to do this?

I guess if it was only a weekend away the Saturday was the most likely day it would happen.

I can see why it stings Op.

Kubricklayer · 23/06/2025 13:03

BanditsWife · 23/06/2025 12:55

@Doghouse1g1

I hope you’re ignoring the pedants crying about how it wasn’t actually your wedding day because you didn’t get married. Not only was it supposed to be your wedding day, it was also in the location you chose. It is staggeringly insensitive.

I consider myself to be an honest person but in this situation some bending of the truth would have been diplomatic and spared your feelings. They could have announced when they returned home, or told you they got engaged before they flew out. I guess she couldn’t control when he proposed but if you were my friend, I would have spared you that.

That would work if they perhaps if they were there on their own. But OP said there was a party of people there together. So if friend had said thet got engaged beforehand that couldv'e easily been exposed at sometime in the future by an unknowing freudian slip by one of the other friends.

OP is understandabe to be upset but her friend did nothing wrong and delivered the news in an honest and sensitive way.

Her friend also deserves for this life event to be a happy one and a happy memory, not forever remembering how she had to tiptoe and curb her excitement on what is a great occasion.

GladiatoooorsReadyyyy · 23/06/2025 13:04

The title is misleading as it wasn’t your wedding day. BUT, it’s really insensitive of your friend to have not even been a tiny bit considerate of your feelings. As your MOH she’s clearly a very close friend so you should be able to tell her how you feel given the circumstances, but you should be happy for her.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 23/06/2025 13:05

It isn’t your wedding day. It was the day you were GOING to be married. You don’t own that day.

While I do sympathise abiut your crap ex it does sound a bit like victim mentality.

blablabla123 · 23/06/2025 13:05

What a shit tone of shitty answers!!! I’m shocked… her boyfriend was a bit of an idiot for choosing the exact day. Given that everyone else was there it was good she told you soon..

but all in all must feel so shit. Stay strong and glad that you dodge that bullet ♥️

CantStopMoving · 23/06/2025 13:06

BanditsWife · 23/06/2025 12:55

@Doghouse1g1

I hope you’re ignoring the pedants crying about how it wasn’t actually your wedding day because you didn’t get married. Not only was it supposed to be your wedding day, it was also in the location you chose. It is staggeringly insensitive.

I consider myself to be an honest person but in this situation some bending of the truth would have been diplomatic and spared your feelings. They could have announced when they returned home, or told you they got engaged before they flew out. I guess she couldn’t control when he proposed but if you were my friend, I would have spared you that.

I actually think that is worse! The friend ripped the band aid off and the OP is understandably upset but she knows the truth

if I was the OP I would be very upset to find out her friend had lied to her and everyone else knew the truth. Knowing that you were being being excluded and everyone was colluding to keep information from you would be 100 times worse

There is no good way the friend could have dealt with this!

IButtleSir · 23/06/2025 13:08

What you've been through is awful, and I feel terrible for you. However, she didn't get engaged on your wedding day, because you didn't have a wedding day. Unless you want to risk losing your relationship with your best friend, I would contact her and apologise for your immediate reaction and tell her you're happy for her.

Rinkali · 23/06/2025 13:09

Take away the part where it's your wedding day - stop thinking about it like that. If you'd gone ahead and married your cheating partner, that date would be marked in your mind as the day you made a huge mistake, one that might have dominated your life and finances for years. It's not your 'wedding day', it's your lucky escape day.

I know it's easy for a stranger to say, but think of it like this: instead of that day being marred by a regrettable event, something positive has come out of it. You having the courage to call off your wedding allowed your friends to go on holiday, and now this proposal has happened. It's maybe not THE most auspicious day for him to have picked for a romantic proposal but still... Try to be happy for her. You've got a key supporting role in the story of their engagement forever.

You've done a brave but necessary shit thing, and I wish you steady healing. Someone much better will be along soon. Honestly.

Funnywonder · 23/06/2025 13:09

I understand it’s hard, but you don’t own that day, even if it’s significant for you. If your bridesmaid spent a lot of money going to Italy for what would have been your wedding, her fiancé probably saw a good opportunity for a romantic and memorable proposal, since they may not be able to afford to go away again for a while. Pretend you’re happy for them for now, until you reach the point where you genuinely are.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/06/2025 13:11

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 23/06/2025 12:42

I cannot believe the amount of people saying your being weird , wtaf😱.
Very insensitive of your friend to do this.
Sorry hun 💐 x

Its MN!

If the OPs wedding had gone ahead and the friends BF organised a flash mob during the speeches to make his proposal then some posters would still stick the boot in and tell her she was being precious.

Hope you are doing ok @Doghouse1g1 . It all must be feeling pretty raw and vulnerable right now.

Namechangerage · 23/06/2025 13:11

It was unfortunate timing, but it’s not like she proposed and chose the date. Your unfortunate situation was probably not at the forefront of her fiancé’s mind. It’s not like she called you on the day to rub it in, she told you a few days later. She could maybe have glossed over the date it happened but then she’d be lying.

You have acted very badly here, you could have just been polite and said “congratulations, I’m so happy for you both, do you mind if I call you back another time as I’m in the middle of something” But no, you had to make it a big drama. You should apologise to your friend.

Main character energy springs to mind…

Namechangerage · 23/06/2025 13:12

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/06/2025 13:11

Its MN!

If the OPs wedding had gone ahead and the friends BF organised a flash mob during the speeches to make his proposal then some posters would still stick the boot in and tell her she was being precious.

Hope you are doing ok @Doghouse1g1 . It all must be feeling pretty raw and vulnerable right now.

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He might have planned to propose anyway while they were in Italy but not actually at the wedding. As wedding didn’t go ahead maybe they were somewhere very beautiful that day.

Is this day to be blocked out for her entire friendship group forever more?

I agree proposing at someone’s actual wedding is a dick move.

Doteycat · 23/06/2025 13:12

Whammyyammy · 23/06/2025 13:00

100% this.

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You cannot claim it forever., But you ABSOLUTELY can claim it on the trip, on the DAY that should have been yours.
I think its dreadfully in sensitive of them tbh and id be v unimpressed if someone did that to my dd that claimed to be a friend.
There are 364 other days and millions of places they could have done that, have a little bloody class and sensitivity fgs.

Kubricklayer · 23/06/2025 13:12

blablabla123 · 23/06/2025 13:05

What a shit tone of shitty answers!!! I’m shocked… her boyfriend was a bit of an idiot for choosing the exact day. Given that everyone else was there it was good she told you soon..

but all in all must feel so shit. Stay strong and glad that you dodge that bullet ♥️

FFS how is the boyfriend an idiot? A pal of his fiance broke off the wedding 4 months ago. You seriously expect him to hold on that thought for 4 months amongst the other shit going on in his life? He could have an ill parent, a friend he's supporting through mental health crisis, a really stressful job that he gets limited leave for and this year is dictated where he goes during that leave.

He's not an idiot. He's a guy in love that is expressing that love.

Guaranteed a lot of you will have 'friends' and casual acquintances on FB. At some point in time a huge chunk of you will have posted some fantastic news, celebrated a child doing well in a sport, a fun weekend away with the girls you were having etc.

Well guess what, during one or any of those posts a friend or colleague of yours was going through a devastating time. How fucking insensitive for you to post such happy info whilst they were struggling!

Again it sucks for OP, but it's life. What is really important or devsatating to you isn't commited to memory for your pals fella 4 months on. Sorry if that's hard to accept. It doesn't make him an idiot.

IndigoBrave · 23/06/2025 13:14

I’d imagine that day was very upsetting for you even if people are saying it wasn’t your wedding day. She and her partner should have been more sensitive to the situation

BuckChuckets · 23/06/2025 13:14

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TwigletsAndRadishes · 23/06/2025 13:15

Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.

Oh good. I'm glad you were fine with it, given how much of their own money they'd spent on your wedding. I'd have been very indeed with anyone who wasn't fine with it, regardless of whatever disappointment and relationship issues they might be going through.

As for getting engaged on what should have been your wedding, I get why you are upset. It was a bit insensitive of her BF to use that time to propose (if that's what he did) or for them to announce their engagement to others, I agree. It was a bit tactless of them, but sometimes people just don't think. They get carried away with their own excitement. Try not to take it too personally. Certainly don't lose a friendship over it.